Been real busy with my caulk lately

I got a bunch of cracks in the house where the wind blows thru, and nothing fills up a crack like caulk. I figgered a 14 inch tube of white caulk wld do the job. i asked jake if he had 14 inches of white caulk, and he said he did but only the one tube and he needed it for himself. so thursday I and jake went to the hardware store, but they didnt have 14 inches of white caulk, all they was 18 inches of black caulk and 10 inches of yellow caulk. but i wanted white caulk. I asked the guy at the store if he had 14 inches of white caulk, and he gave me a funny look. jake had brot his own caulk and he produced it for the guy at the store to look at. He took a good long look at jake’s caulk and then he said he was pretty sure he cld give me some caulk in the storeroom. i followed him out back to where he pulled out hiscaulk and gave it to me. He said, "Mr Dodge, my caulk is yr caulk." now it was my turn to give him a funny look. I said, "why dont you have your caulk on display? you shldn’t hide your caulk back here where no one can find it." He said he had been moving so much caulk lately that he hadnt had time to restock the shelfs.

meanwhile, jake had went next door and hit the eggnog bowl the bookstore sets out for xmas. now, one thing you shld know abt jake is that he likes screech eggnog more than your average person, and one thing you should know abt that bookstore is that the people who work there are alcoholics. Which for jake is a dream come true. I soon realized that jakes whole gambit in joining me on my trip to the hardware store was to go to the bookstore and suck up as much screech eggnog as possible. they don’t skimp on the screech at the bookstore, so jakes gambit was a good gambit, and i joined him for a spell. but when we finally got home I realized i had completely forgot my caulk. so i called the bookstore and told the woman there that i had left my 14 inches of white caulk somewhere near the eggnog bowl and cld she please check to see if it was there and it if was wld she please hold my caulk for me. there was a real long silence on the other end of the line, so i repeated myself. Then she said she had seen no such thing bythe eggnog bowl, and she hung up. So the long and the short of it is that i guess my caulk just up and walked away.

well, that meant i had to go and buy me another 14 inches of caulk. so yesterday i went back to the hardware store, and the guy there again took me out back and gave me some caulk. when i got home jake was eating pumkin pie with dody, and we all compared my caulk with his caulk. but something diidn’t seem right. my caulk was different than jakes caulk, and not in a good way. I snipped the tip off the top of my caulk, and nothing wld come out. That hardware store guy had sold me bad caulk! My caulk was hard as a rock, but jake’s was soft as pudding. you cld have put jake’s caulk just abt anywhere. I admit, i was jealous of jakes caulk. but i was determined to make my caulk work, and since i had paid good money TWICE for my caulk, i figgered i was stuck with it. we tried to make my caulk soft by banging it on the kitchen counter. then we soaked it in hot water. jake put my caulk under his shirt and squeezed it under his arm. dody even put my caulk in the microwave but even that didn’t work. She even said that jake flat out had better caulk then i did, which made me sore. But frankly, i didnt know what else i cld do to make my caulk work. i was just stuck with a super hard tube of caulk which was of no use to me at all.

so this morning i went BACK to the hardware store and slammed my caulk on the counter and said to the guy there, "My caulk is way too hard! I need 14 inches of SOFT caulk. Is that so damn much to ask?"

And wldn’t you know it, but he had sold out of white caulk. so i got black caulk instead. it is soft like i need it to be, and i can always paint it white if i want to, and this way i’ll have more caulk than jake. i dont know why, but somehow having more caulk and softer caulk than jake is very important to me. Plus, now dody will stop teasing me abt how my caulk wont get soft when i want it to.

Author: Frank Dodge

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