Just to throw some more fuel on the Christina Ricci fire, enjoy both this picture of her looking quite stunning, and quite unchained, next to her former fictional captor, Sir Samuel L. Jackson (somebody’s knighted him already, right?), as well as this fictional dialogue that the ladies at Go Fug Yourself imagined between the two celebrities.
SAMUEL L.: So listen up, here, Ricci. I’m going to tell it like it motherf***ing IS.
CHRISTINA: What? You don’t like the dress? Are you kidding me? I didn’t get all dolled up in this awesome fuschia gown just so…
SAMUEL L.: Chill out, Christina, you look great, but I’m going to tell you one thing: It’s motherf***ing COLD outside!
CHRISTINA: I know, but seriously, I look totally hot, and I just thought…
SAMUEL L.: Listen, I know you thought, "Oh, Samuel L. is a wacky old mess, showing up in that weird motherf***ing argyle sweater…"
CHRISTINA: It DOES look a little bit like you stole it from the notebook of the Physics Club president, who was designing it for their national competitions.
SAMUEL L.: Did I ask for your motherf***ing input, motherf***er? I don’t CARE if you think my sweater looks like it’s waiting for some snot-nosed 16-year old motherf***er to go through a gangsta-thermodymanics phase, o-motherf***ing-kay?
CHRISTINA: Uh…
SAMUEL L.: And I don’t CARE if you’re motherf***ing tired of seeing me with motherf***ing hats on, and I don’t EVEN care if my coat looks to you like I think I’m in motherf***ing Wisconsin hunting motherf***ing deer. You get me?
CHRISTINA: It’s… a little help here, anyone?
SAMUEL L.: I’m Samuel motherf***ing L. motherf***ing Jackson, okay? And not only do I wear whatever the motherf**** I want, but I look motherf***ing FINE in it, too, because I am a BAD-motherf***ing-ASS. And what this bad-motherf***ing-ass wants to tell you is, you look COLD in your sleeveless dress with your pink frostnipped frozen face, okay? So maybe you should faux-fur-line that motherf***er, or buy a hat, or a motherf***ing mathlete-quality argyle sweater, before your arms fall off. CAN YOU MOTHERF***ING DIG IT?
CHRISTINA: You know what? You’re right. It is cold, and my face is about to freeze off. I can dig it, Samuel L., I motherf***ing CAN!
SAMUEL L.: Damn, girl, watch your language. There’s really no call for that kind of talk. Lord! Somebody get this girl some mouth-soap.
Tee hee. Seriously, though, the Scottish parliament really should bestow a knighthood on Samuel L. With his enthusiam for golfing, kilts, and tartan-esque patterns (see sweater above), it’s safe to say that he’s done more the cause of Scottish-Black relations than anyone since, well, than anyone since forever.
Also, as a side note, if you’re interested in understanding a bit more of what I was saying yesterday about the new Christina vs. the old, chunkysluttyhot Christina, compare her picture above, or here, to this picture from a few years ago. Hot in all three of them, but in different ways.
