There are plenty of people taking the easy road on this Bigfoot thing. Hoax, rubber foot, blah blah blah. Well, don’t believe them.

Oh ye of little faith–why not see the truth that stares you in the face, all beady-eyed?

Maybe, just maybe, the true nature of the Bigfoot has eluded all you middle-aged Bigfoot hunter dudes with your goatees and camouflage. I maintain–and call me crazy if you must, but remember they called Edison crazy, and Rasputin, and several actual crazy people, but I shouldn’t have brought them up–that Bigfoot may in actual fact be made of "rubber" and "artificial hair."

Maybe this is a Bigfoot in the freezer. Maybe Bigfeet are impossible to find because when we do find them, we think they’re fake. And that’s why we never find them. They’re real fakes, not fake reals. I, for one, believe.