Thanks to a little annoyance called biology, menopause changes female terrain pretty drastically. It’s understandable that post-menopausal dryness, soreness and tightening and deterioration of the inner vaginal walls may make sex more mentally and physically difficult.
The golden age, however, is not a sexless age. Sex just looks a little different on the other side of the hill, and we need to adjust accordingly. With the right toys, books and lube, early-bird specials aren’t the only perks we can look forward to.
Though the mind is our largest sex organ at any age, this is especially helpful to remember when the other sex organs get a little rusty. A wavering sex drive is best coaxed back to life with a healthy dose of mental stimulation. Reading up on mature sexuality not only gets the mind rightfully back in the gutter but quells common cultural myths that can prevent older people from feeling sexy.
Joan Price’s Better Than I Ever Expected, while heterosexually focused, offers comprehensive advice on post-menopausal sexuality, masturbation, sex toys and relationships, featuring a variety of women’s personal perspectives. Similarly useful titles include Our Bodies, Ourselves: Menopause and Becoming Orgasmic.
Though erotica and porn respectfully featuring older folk are rare, they exist. Joani Blank’s Still Doing It is a steamy collection of erotic stories told by women and men themselves about sex after 60. For the visual learner, relatable real-life couple Bill and Desiree show that love (and sex) are timeless in Tony Comstock’s award-winning film Bill and Desiree. What with interviews with the duo about their midlife meeting and explicit footage of their passionate love-making, this honest depiction is a welcome reminder of late-life lust.
When it’s time to get back on the bike solo (masturbation is a great re-introduction to sex) or in tandem, take your time and focus on foreplay, remembering that there are many different sex acts. Vibration works wonders as a wake-up call but can be hard on arthritic hands. The Fukuoku 9000 is a discreet vibe that slips right over your finger for a grip-less, cordless, yet powerful manual boost (babeland.com).
The Hitachi Magic Wand, with a reputation for releasing even the most stubborn orgasm, brings a powerful buzz to all the right places (instead of uncomfortably rattling the handle). Separately sold removable silicone tops add extra texture or penetration options (hitachi-magic-wand.com). For a totally hands-free vibe, opt for The Cone, a larger, self-standing toy that’s perfect for adding vibration to sexual positions as you can press your body into it instead of needing to hold it to you (goodvibes.com).
With post-menopausal penetration, take your time before taking the plunge and use lube. No matter how turned on you are, the vagina may not show it like it used to. Your best option is a glycerin-free cream-based lube that mimics the body’s natural lubrication. Fan-favorite Hydra-Smooth does this and rehydrates sensitive tissues with aloe, elastin, collagen and Vitamin E (amazon.com).
Start small. The inside of the vagina, while elastically designed for penetration, loses its flexibility in later years and may not be as accommodating as it once was. Look to penetration alternatives or toys with narrower diameters. Smooth, insertable toys that vibrate are especially helpful as the vibration not only feels great but relaxes tight internal muscles. The Dilator Set (while not a sexy name) has sexy results with four vibrating, interlocking sleeves of different widths, allowing you to gradually move up in size with one toy (goodvibes.com).
Whether your sexual partner comes with a built-in or not, a dildo offers a great way to enjoy hands-free penetration without… overextending yourself. Good Vibrations’ Bend Over Boyfriend Kit is an affordable package including a soft harness and two modestly sized dildos that are smooth in texture and curved for G-spot stimulation (goodvibes.com). Finally, for the no-longer-limber, Liberator’s bedroom wedges support you in all the right places for a variety of comfortable positions (liberator.com).
So take advantage of that early-bird special, you sexy senior sirens, because you’ve got a lot to do before bedtime.