Dil-dos and Don'ts

When getting busy with an au naturel phallic object, you zip down that fly, assess the situation and adjust accordingly—playing towards your biological endowment’s innate size, curve, strengths and weaknesses. When shopping for a human-made, boxed phallic object, however, the world is your dildo-filled oyster. The options are overwhelming, but don’t fret.

I’ve seen dildos sized from my pinky to my arm. There’s a little (or big) something for everyone. When shopping, measure dildos in relation to things that have worked for you in the past—whether it be a penis or finger-widths. Bust out a tape measure if shopping online or hold your fingers up to a store’s floor-model.

Madonna must be an expert dildo navigator because she said it—it’s a material world. A dildo’s material can determine your dick decision.

Jelly rubber and elastomer are inexpensive—for a reason. They’re porous materials, meaning that even when washed, they hold on to a little bit of everything they touch—resulting in a potentially infectious buildup of dirt and bacteria. Always wear a fresh condom over these materials, especially when sharing. Many also find them a little too flaccid.

Softskin is firmer than elastomer and jelly rubber, but is also porous. Softskins feel and look more realistic and can be great for packing in the pants and then whipping out to play. Just dust them with body-safe cornstarch after washing to prevent stickiness.

Silicone is the most common dildo material. It’s flexible yet firm, warms with body heat, is hypoallergenic, comes in a range of prices, and is nonporous, so it can be completely disinfected with soap and water, three minutes of boiling or a run in the dishwasher. With silicone toys, avoid silicone lubes, as they destroy the toy’s surface. Silicone comes in different blends which result in different feels, firmness and textures, but it’s not as squishy as softskin or elastomer.

Vixen Creations, however, gives us the best of both worlds. Their exclusive blend “Vixskin” makes for non-porous silicone with a subtle outside and firm inner core that’ll have you swearing it’s the “real deal”… or just swearing in general (vixencreations.com).

For some heavy spot-hitting, go for solid (and oh-so-pretty) glass or stainless steel options. Their weightiness makes for a unique sensation and they feel bigger than they look. Nonporous, they’re a snap to sanitize and at a mid-range cost, you don’t have to pay a pretty penny for your pretty piece. And unless you throw it against a brick wall, that glass won’t break.

Ponder placement practicalities. Curved dildos, when curved towards the belly button, are designed to stimulate the G-spot and prostate. While ridges and nubs increase sensation and can hit the G-spot, textured dildos can be too rough for anal play (especially for beginners). When exploring the back door, always use a dildo with a base and downsize, as they feel bigger back there than you’d think. With any toy, non-porous or porous, clean or change condoms before switching entry points or partners.

If you want to strap it on, make sure your dildo has a wide, harness-compatible base and compensate for the half-inch of the dildo’s length that’ll be taken up by the harness. Overcompensate for length if you’re driving manually.

Though double dildos are great for simultaneous penetration and bending over your boyfriend, sometimes they double the hassle rather than doubling your pleasure. The straight ones suck. Go for one with a bend in the middle like the Nexus (vixencreations.com) and use it with a harness for easier riding.

Why all non-realistic dildos are “cotton-candy” and “periwinkle” is beyond me. If you don’t want anything resembling a penis between your legs and don’t like the Easter egg look, check out Goodvibe’s Mustang or Curve (goodvibes.com). For those wanting a biologically-inspired dildo, you’ve got choices from veins to balls, but your dildo’s “skin” color will be strangely relegated to one of three flavors—vanilla, caramel or chocolate.

Need to harness. your new dildo knowledge? Next week we’ll strap it on.

Author: Yana Tallon-Hicks

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