We’ve all taken showers when we intend to get more dirty than clean. Clothing is peeled off and dropped like a kinky Hansel and Gretel trail to what appears to be a steamy, sexy gingerbread house of waterborne sex.
You flirtatiously stick a soapy finger out of the shower curtain, suggestively curling it in the G-spot’s favorite “come hither” motion, inviting your partner(s) into your lathery lair. The unsuspecting partner eagerly stumbles in and (oops!) immediately drops the soap.
He/she slowly bends over to correct the totally accidental error and, bam! the gingerbread house dissolves into the evil witch dwelling. Shampoo stings eyes, slippery feet frantically search for a ledge to grip and somehow you’ve gone through an entire bottle of lube because even though you’d think water would do its job and keep you wet, it seems to do just the opposite.
Feeling a little seasick? Here’s how to bring seasexy back.
Really get wet in the shower with silicone lubricant. Unlike water-based lubes which quickly dissolve in the shower, silicone lube is virtually waterproof, extra long-lasting and hypoallergenic, as its tiny molecules are too big to absorb into your skin’s pores.
Though Pure silicone lube is an old classic, flirty mermaids will love aloe-enhanced Pink. Just remember that silicone lube will probably stain your favorite sheets and will definitely bond to silicone toys and destroy their surface, a mess no shower can clean up. If you love getting slick with your silicone toys, try Yes oil-based lube, which, though not latex-compatible, can stand up under water without drowning out the vagina’s natural PH-balance like other oils.
Get a better hold on your hydrosex with JT Stockroom’s line of portable Shower Sex hardware, including the Double Grip Bar, Footrest and Cuffs. All feature super-strong suction cups that will give you some extra (and reliable) support so you can enjoy your shower-head without ripping down your shower-head and falling on your head… in the shower.
Strap it on in the swimming pool without liquifying your leather harness by opting for a machine-washable fabric variety, like Spareparts’ versatile Joque Harness or Aslan’s rubber harnesses, which become a soft second-skin when hydrated.
Keep your mind dirty while you wash up with Aqua Erotica, water-themed sexy shorts that are cutely printed on waterproof paper, or give your sweetie a naughty shave with cruelty-free, ultra-moisturizing Sliquid Smooth Shave Cream (see “How to Trim Your Hedge,” September 1, 2011, for design ideas).
Enjoy some vibration-induced H2Ohs without waterlogging your favorite toy. The quintessential bathroom friend Rubber Duckie just got a lot friendlier thanks to Big Teaze Toys’ I Rub My Duckie, who looks all cute and innocent until you flip his switch and the waterproof vibrations begin.
Explore your fluid sexuality with I Rub My Duckie’s many incarnations, from feather-boa-clad Paris Duckie to BDSM fanatic Bondage Duckie. If a little-yellow-bird-sporting-a-ball gag isn’t discreet enough for you, go for the Body Spa Vibrating Sponge, which comes in natural foam or classic loofa style. Both conceal a powerful waterproof vibe.
Catch up on your water conservation after all those extra-long showers with rechargeable waterproof vibes. A little more grown up than the old vibrating duckie routine, luxury vibrators by high-end companies Fun Factory, Lelo and JimmyJane bring strong vibration, multiple pulsation patterns, hygienic silicone materials and genius waterproof rechargeability to your bed or tub.
Lelo’s Soraya gives you twice the pleasure with a dual-action design for simultaneous clitoral and internal stimulation, JimmyJane’s compact Form Series packs a strong punch in four smart designs (see “Perfect Form,” June 16, 2011) and Fun Factory’s diverse line of vibrators all power up with an innovative, magnetized click-‘n’-charge system to ensure that they’ll hold their breath underwater for as long as you need them to.
Oops! I seem to have tripped and fallen into a giant puddle! And then, in flurry of limbs, I accidentally ripped off my clothes and pulled you in with me! Guess we’ll have to take another shower.