The Skinny on Loving Big

Fat people have sex. But if you look around an adult store, even progressive sex-positive ones like Northampton’s Oh My, you’ll be hard pressed to find the evidence on vibrator boxes, porn covers and book jackets. Like trying to have raucous sex in a twin-sized bunk-bed, American culture’s literally narrow view of modern sexuality is just plain uncomfortable. Time to get a bigger bed.

Like the word “queer,” the word “fat” has been reclaimed by the very people these terms were created to verbally abuse. Self-labeling with historically derogatory terms has become healing, empowering and the perfect “f*ck you” to haters for queers and fatties alike. In the spirit of this linguistic activism, I’ll be using the term “fat” to discuss fat sexuality. Hate is in the mouth of the beholder, and I only spit this term with love.

Fat sexuality is surrounded by layers of lies: Fat girls require stronger vibration. Fat guys have small dicks. Fat women will crush you when on top. These myths and others implied through fat jokes and degrading porn sprout from cultural fears of that which exists outside the sexual “norm.”

Like other sexual stereotypes, such as one I recently heard during a haircut—”All lesbians love getting fisted!”—this is pure bullshit. Though it makes perfect sense that the absence of penis would result in a universal need for some lesbian knuckle lovin’ (um, what?), I beg the masses to use their noggins before making identity-based generalizations about strangers’ sex lives. But I digress.

The newly released second edition of Big, Big Love by Hanne Blank, complete with illustrations, modern gender and sexuality inclusion and personal interviews, is a prime example of how sex shame can be fought hardest by basic acknowledgment and normalization, sending us the big, big, loving message that no one should be deprived of a pleasurable, healthy and satisfying sex life. Detailed myth-busting, smart cultural critique and the nitty-gritty on toys and positioning give you everything you need to make your sex life go ’round, no matter your jean size.

Though the point is that fat sex is really just not that different from any other kind of sex, bigger bellies, thighs and booties can be more easily handled with certain sexcessories. Vibrators that aid in reaching around a belly include those with longer handles such as the Hitachi Magic Wand, the Eroscillator and Lelo’s rechargeable GiGi. The Cone and the Ono are self-standing vibrators that can be leaned against during positioning for a hands-free buzz, while remote-controlled vibes like the Lelo Tiani or We-Vibe III can be worn vaginally to provide hands-free clitoral vibration and controls during penetration.

Liberator Wedges add firmer support and a leg up where you need it. Giving the booty a boost during missionary or the pelvis an extra lift during doggie style can make your naughty bits more accessible and can reduce strain on tricky areas like the lower back. The Liberator Axis houses the Hitachi Magic Wand inside a boosting pillow, positioning its insanely powerful vibration where you want it.

Big love can be hard to harness. Not only does ASLAN Leather showcase plus-sized models, but their Minx harnesses fit up to 60-inch hips with a wider, corsette-tied back panel for extra support. Having strategically given the gift of the Spareparts Joque Harness this holiday season, believe me when I say this harness is the best ever! Also fitting up to 60-inch hips, this all-fabric, insanely comfortable stroke of genius is metal-free, which is kind to both squishy bits and hard-lovin’ lovers. For those with an elusive pubic bone, Stormy Leather’s Crown harness is designed to be worn higher than traditional strap-ons and encompasses an 82-inch waist.

Popular plus-sized porn performer April Flores ( delivers chemistry-packed performances that break the token fat-sex mold found in mainstream flixxx. Often directed by her artistic hubby Carlos Batts, her sexy scenes are visually stunning and feature a wide range of body types with both straight and queer pairings. Radical porn director Courtney Trouble ( is also known for her feminist, inclusive and curvaceous casting which, when paired with the toys listed above, is sure to inspire some heavy rotation.

Yana Tallon-Hicks

Author: Yana Tallon-Hicks

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