The Doctor Sells Out?

Recently, we received disturbing news. Dr. Westchesterson, the professorial rapper/outlaw of the “413” video craze, announced that his latest video was produced for the Greater Springfield Convention and Visitors Bureau. We had questions.

Does this mean you’ve sold out?

To quote Gene Simmons from KISS, “You’re damn right I sell out. Every seat in the house, every time I perform.”

This doesn’t bode well for those of us who are thrilled vicariously with your deluxe lifestyle.

Try not to think of this as my assimilating with government bureaucracy. …In fact, I’d say we’re witnessing a quantum shift in the old guard’s ability to effectively influence the general populace, thus leaving the door open for “budding” entrepreneurs like myself to storm the gates and lay the groundwork for a new Pioneer Valley-wide order. In short, my flava ain’t gonna change. And my deluxe lifestyle? It’s only gonna get… deluxer.

Are we witnessing the first blushes of a grasping for larger-scale power? What is the “order” you envision, and do you reside at its pinnacle?

At this point, I’m going to quote myself from a soon-to-be-released track which I’ll be debuting live for the first time at Bishop’s in Noho this Friday night: “I’m the undisputed ruler of the 413, if you wanna talk game, then… talk to me. I got mad flow baby, that’s fo’ sho’, and in case you were wondering, well, now you know.”

Certainly I’m at the top of any pyramid I create. That goes without saying. As far as the order of things for those who reside beneath my rule? I would expect a return to the halcyon days. Think a mix of the morally casual attitudes of the ’60s and ’70s (minus the hard drug addiction and venereal disease) with the forward fashion sense of the ’80s.

I’d like to see big hair make a comeback, and I’d like to see a hybrid engine IROC Z28 Camaro. …My main goal would be to establish the 413 as “Humboldt County East” with our populace supporting more sensible state (and ultimately federal) legislation governing the cultivation and reasonable taxation of marijuana, which would then be dispensed at any number of franchised dispensaries bearing the Westchesterson logo.

Doc Westchesterson performs April 27, 10 p.m., Maximum Capacity, 116 School St., Chicopee, (413) 592-0719.

Author: James Heflin

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