Three disparate things on a Wednesday vie for space in my overcrowded and overtired mind:

I don’t love to be cold. Mornings have begun to feel cold.

I wish I could slow things down in a way you’re not allowed to do. My fantasy yesterday went like this: I’d like to play hooky with my family and go to Florida for a few days (okay, a week). I’d like the weather there to be the way it is in March—not too hot, not too cold, fresh, fresh, fresh. I’d like to walk on the beach for a long time and squint at the sun. That’s it. I’d like to play Yahtzee.

Instead, we went on the class—well, both elementary school classes, together—field trip to Park Hill Orchard. Despite the fact that he didn’t spend much time with his adorable kindergarten buddy, my third guy told me later he liked walking around with me. The small girl clung to both her parents in sequence and wanted the one she wasn’t with whenever she was with the other. I remembered why I never went on preschool field trips; she’s clingy when clingy isn’t her most usual MO.

Later, her class visited Overlook, a retirement community/nursing home setting her school has a close connection to and visits over the course of the school year frequently. “I did not like Overlook,” she declared at bedtime. “There were too many old people.”

Credit the girl with honesty. Five year-olds can be so… refreshing, perhaps even bracing. Then, she mourned her grandpa she didn’t ever meet and finally she ate an apple and went to sleep.

Last thing is that I have amazing friends. Yesterday, I wrestled with some anxiety of my own and was gifted a flower, a reframe and a song. Honestly, each of those things helped.

Plus, it was my friend-slash-brother Michael’s birthday party last night and he has amazing friends (including me). I like our worlds. His birthday is today (Happy Birthday!).

I veered away from the Tuesday post this week, but I think I’ll cap off with gratitude anyway: for friends, for the sky that has begun to deliver all those cooler weather colors and patterns, and to the fact that when we love for real we accept and when we accept we actually love so much deeper. It’s so strange and humbling and really quite a relief if we let it be.

You can read an essay about eyes and self-acceptance I just read and loved on the new Full Grown People site. Your can read an essay my very old friend Janet Benton wrote about being a mom in the kitchen—and feminism. You can read my latest for Momfilter about the hidden pleasures of having siblings at the same school. Also, since it’s Wednesday let me tell you that you can watch Nashville TONIGHT. I’ve listened to one of the new songs; it’s a keeper.

Sarah Werthan Buttenwieser

Author: Sarah Werthan Buttenwieser

Sarah Werthan Buttenwieser's work has appeared on the New York Times, Salon, and the Manifest Station amongst other places. Find her on Twitter @standshadows

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