So, you just got dumped. If you have a cell phone, a laptop or any kind of social media presence, your life just got real hard. There’s always something there to remind you of your ex.
I recently read an article that depressingly informed me that “Facebook knows you’re single before you do” because of the frantic way in which new singles post to the social media platform, desperately reaching out to “connect.”
Nearly all of my friends and I found ourselves newly single this past fall. Properly addicted to social media as we all are, #SILO was born.
#SILO became our jaded single ladies rallying cry. A response to #YOLO (“You Only Live Once”), the overly peppy, popular hashtag and acronym used to celebrate living life to its fullest, i.e. “I just went skydiving! #YOLO.” #SILO, in contrast, stands for “Single and Lonely” and is used to celebrate all of all the things you can do now that you’re single and to share your indulgent self-care strategies.
XO Yana: A little more V-Spot for you to love
If you want to punch your happily-coupled friends in the face while they #YOLO all over the Internet with their love and date-night selfies, then #SILO is for you. It applies to many things:
“Just cleaned my entire bathroom whilst wearing a paisley jumpsuit, Joanna Newsom on blast. #SILO”
“Discovered that dipping French onion potato chips into peanut butter is actually pretty delish. Ate the whole bag. #SILO”
“Wept quietly to myself for the entire 25 minutes I was on hold with Comcast today. #SILO”
#SILO may give you a smile, but that can be wiped away if you haven’t scrubbed your online pressence of the ex. Here’s some advice:
Clean house: block your ex on all of your socials. A few clicks and you’ll avoid the gnawing pain of wondering if a status update like “just shampooed my hair” means your ex-girlfriend now has clean locks or if, according to your heartbroken mind, it actually means that she just had hot shower sex with some Tinder guy.
You shouldn’t be on Tinder or OKCupid anyway. The swiping is fun at first. But what happens when you actually like someone? They’re probably just like you, desperately trying to swipe their way out of still being in love with their ex. Worse, what happens when the same trolls send you the same degrading messages so many times that you convince yourself that you, too, are a troll? Disable all dating site accounts.
I don’t expect you to never text your ex. Instead, ask yourself if the text you’re about to send requires an immediate response in order to not make you feel like a desperate turd that just won’t flush. Let’s say you text “Do you ever just miss our sex life?”. If Ms. Ex doesn’t respond, how would you feel? (A: “Like a turd.”). If you can send the text and then continue with life, send it. If you’ll be staring at the screen, waiting for the “…” bubble to pop up, don’t.
Follow your feelings instead of your newsfeed. Discovering your self-care style can get really muddled when you’re being bombarded by Instagram-filtered versions of everyone else’s “Amaro” love life. Ignore them! If your first inclination is to sink into a puddle of Netflix and potato chips, do it. Any “good sex & relationship columnist” is “supposed to” tell you to get up! Buy a new dress! Find yourself a new man, honey, because you’re worth it! And I will. But not at first and certainly not in this digital world. No, when you’ve just been dumped, your only job is to be kind to yourself. But how?
Sit in #SILO for as long as you need (as long as it feels productive and not harmful). Clean your bathroom 1 million times. Discover what every kind of potato chip tastes like with peanut butter on it. Update your Facebook status every five minutes. Go ahead, awkwardly overshare.
Or better yet, de-digitalize completely. Go out to brunch, read a new book, masturbate to the filthiest porn you can find.
#SILO until it feels good to be alone. Then, and only then, can you bang the hell out of that rebound. Rebound and rebound hard. Sure, we all publicly dissuade our friends from making such an “immature” choice, but secretly, we all know it can be the best medicine. And if it goes poorly? Well, at least now you know how to be good at being alone. #SILO.•