The V-Spot: Something Borrowed, Something Lubed


Hey! I have a lube question and I thought who better to ask? My friend is going to be losing her virginity on her wedding night and is wondering what the best lube out there is — especially considering she hasn’t used any before, is unsure of allergies, and will be needing the extra help.

Thanks, lube guru. Virgins deserve good sex, too!

Congratulations to your friend on many fronts, LoH! What better wedding gift than to wet your bestie’s whistle for her big, long-anticipated wedding night?

There are many amazing lubes available from your favorite female-friendly retailers. My personal recommendation for lubes that would be great for greasing the, shall we say, yet-unused hinges are Sliquid Sassy Booty Formula, Yes! Water-Based, and Good Clean Love’s Organic Lube. All of these lovin’ liquids have few ingredients, which will lessen her chances of a negative reaction, and are free of glycerin and parabens, two ingredients that tend to irritate and/or trigger yeast infections. These lubes’ soft, pillowy consistency will cushion her sensitive bits while also feeling an awful lot like her natural lubrication. Better yet, get her a big bag of sample packs so she can experiment with what works best for her.

Lube isn’t only a clutch commodity for her first slip on the slide but is essential for all kinds of sexual play — it lessens friction, transmits intimate body heat, and protects dainty tissues. In my bedroom, lube is the chocolate syrup to my ice cream sundae. Why have cookies without milk? A french fry without ketchup? Lube is to penetration as frosting is to a wedding cake. If somebody showed up to my “wedding” with “unfrosted” “cake” I’d be like, “What the hell is this? Get out!”

I wish I had had lube when I lost my virginity at the way-too-unripe age of 14. Your friend’s big day has got me waxing nostalgic about what else I wish I had had that awkward night — well, five minutes.

I wish I had known that sex goes way beyond taking Tab A and inserting it into Slot B — that there are many tabs and many slots and that “inserting” is certainly not the only verb that belongs in that sentence. I wish I had had a better understanding of the value of foreplay. Over 70 percent of people with female bodies require direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm. I wish someone had told me that The Big O isn’t the pot o’ gold at the end of the sex rainbow, but that it’s the trip down the rainbow that matters most when it comes to having incredible sex. I wish I had had a better concept of consent and communication.

I highly recommend that your friend and her soon-to-be give my recent column “Getting Selfish in the Sack,” at, a read. It will help explain how to figure out how to talk about sex — and birth control — in and outside of the bedroom; before, after, and during ye ol’ cherry-popping.

And now, a special note, directed at the bride: The first time you have sex might suck. Sex is something we build on; orgasms are something we learn to master; catering our sex lives to our particular kinks, desires, and tilts is a wonderfully long process. Though losing your virginity on your wedding night is awfully romantic, sex is only good when you really want to be having it. Weddings are exhausting. Being a bride is high-stress. If the wedding night isn’t The Night, what’s another 24 hours? Only have the sex you want to have.

For many, losing her or his virginity is like opening a can of Pringles: “Once you pop, the fun don’t stop!” Take good care of your vagina. Get regular pap smears, hydrate, go slow, and listen to your body.

Finally, I couldn’t end on a better note than yours, LoH: Virgins deserve good sex, too! So please, keep the questions coming, the educational exploration going, and the lube flowing!•

Yana Tallon-Hicks

Author: Yana Tallon-Hicks

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