Sometimes, when I’m in the mood to masturbate, I enjoy watching porn. The problem is when I do, it literally takes me no time to orgasm. Yesterday, I was feeling in the mood to enjoy myself. So, I started browsing some videos.
I barely started touching myself and felt the urge to orgasm in a matter of seconds. I stopped and tried to calm myself down, but it was too late. My body responded even without the stimulation
I’m a female in a heterosexual relationship. I don’t experience the crazy quick orgasm when we are intimate. Usually, there is an enjoyable build up to it. When I have this experience solo, it’s when I watch lesbian/solo female videos (which, I’ve always enjoyed).
So this raises a couple of questions:
Do you know why this might happen? Is it something in my brain chemistry due to the visual stimuli, that sets me off so quickly?
Is there a way to “fix” it? Sometimes, I really just want to experience and enjoy my body. Part of me feels like there is something wrong with me when it happens, and the other part of me hates the fact that I can’t enjoy the build up to the big O.
Sometimes I feel like this isn’t a “normal” occurrence. In your experience, have you ever helped or chatted with another female who experienced this?
Sex educator Barbara Carrellas can orgasm just from breathing. No touching. No porn. Just her, her breath, and her brain (watch her do it on barbaracarrellas.com). People get off from the feeling of fishnets, from the thought of their sweetie doin’ it with the milkman, from watching manicures smash into globs of silly putty (thanks, internet!). The erotic world is diverse. Weird. Kinky. Boring, even. It’s an amazing conglomerate of getting off how and where we can with whoever pushes our buttons and likes doing it (remember, always keep it consensual!).
The most normal thing about you, Quickie, is your underlying fear that your eroticism isn’t normal. If this fear weren’t so pervasive, I’d be out of a job (and happy for it!). But here we are — constantly worrying that the pre-packaged version of sexuality (hasn’t it expired yet?) should suit us just fine and if not then we’re to blame for being broken, perverted, or unfixable.
You know what kind of porn you like (and yes, it’s normal for folks to watch porn that doesn’t “match up” with their real life). You give yourself permission to watch it and enjoy it! You know how to get off both on your own and with your partner! All great things!
My casual collection of experiential knowledge shows that folks with vaginas orgasm anywhere from 30 seconds to 30 minutes after the start of first visual and/or physical stimuli. An orgasm is essentially mental/physical stimulation build-up leading to pleasurable, automatic pelvic muscle contractions.
It sounds like your personal journey from first visual/physical stimuli to the triggering of your automatic contractions is a short one (normal!), made shorter by having more erotic input via porn (also normal!). Once this pelvic contraction party is triggered, you don’t even need to be touching yourself for that party to continue!
Slow your roll by touching yourself over your underwear, jeans, or both with a big ol towel over your lap. Layers will dull the direct sensation. Experiment with how far-reaching and sensitive your clit’s nerves really are by playing with pressure to your mons, labia or even inner thighs. Do the Carrellas and breath yourself off
Have your typical quick orgasm, give yourself a resting minute or five, and try for multiples (multiple orgasms following the initial orgasm will tend to be harder to … come … by, extending your masturbation time).
No matter how you experience sexual pleasure in your body, enjoy it whether it arrives in 30 seconds or 3 hours. Don’t let false sexual standards deny femme sexual pleasure. Because if there’s one standard rule of sex to live by it’s that if it feels good, baby, please don’t stop.
Yana Tallon-Hicks is a pleasure-positive sex writer and educator living in the Pioneer Valley. She has a website bursting with sex advice, resources, and workshops at yanatallonhicks.com.