Bizarro Briefs: Getting High Off Trump

Polizei Osnabruck photo
Keven Law, Wikimedia Commons
Tony Webster, Wikimedia Commons
Wikimedia Commons
Wikimedia Commons
Wikimedia Commons

Getting High Off Trump

Polizei Osnabruck photo

German police, during a random traffic stop, seized a stash of Donald Trump-shaped drugs. The drugs were ecstasy pills pressed into the shape of Trump’s head, and the word “Trump” was on the back. Police recovered 5,000 of the pills, worth about $46,000. They arrested the van’s driver and his 17-year-old son, who was riding in the car. Police believe the drugs were made in the Netherlands.

 

Seriously, Don’t Feed the Animals

Keven Law, Wikimedia Commons

A man visiting a Chinese drive-through wildlife park nearly became lunch when he rolled down the window to try to feed a bear against repeated warnings from park officials. The man said he saw other people do it successfully, so he tried it himself. When a bear approached the window, he tried to roll it up, but accidentally rolled it down instead, allowing the bear to lunge and bite his left shoulder. The annoyed staff, who had repeatedly warned all visitors not to open their car windows, told him to drive himself to the hospital rather than offer assistance. The park, Badaling Wildlife World, is no stranger to animal attacks; a woman was attacked by a tiger there last year.

 

A Nose for Justice

Wikimedia Commons

An Oregon dog sniffed his way into an honorary new profession when he found $85,000 worth of heroin earlier this month. The 18-month-old golden retriever, named Kenyon, was playing in the family’s yard and dug up something Kenyon’s owners thought might be a time capsule. On closer inspection, the family decided it was more likely a stash of drugs, and called police. Police rewarded the pup with a citation ribbon and named him an honorary narcotics K9 for life.

 

Fossil Fuel Giant Sues Environmental Groups for Costing Them Money

Tony Webster, Wikimedia Commons

Energy Transfer Partners of Dallas, the developer of the Dakota Access pipeline, are horrified, yes horrified, that environmental groups stood in the way of their pipeline. So much so that they have filed a $1 billion lawsuit against Greenpeace and other environmental groups alleging fraud, eco-terrorism, and participation in a criminal enterprise. The pipeline, which began transporting crude oil on June 1, was fought by Indian tribes and environmental groups who said it would contribute to climate change by use of fossil fuels, threatens water supplies, and interferes with native ancestral lands. Iowa farmers also objected to the state using eminent domain to obtain access to their land for the pipeline.

 

Want to Shoot a Porno? That’ll Be $1,671

The Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors unanimously approved a provision last month requiring a $1,671 permit for adult film producers. The permit will allow production companies to make videos for two years and allow county health inspectors to visit sets to make sure condoms are being used. Los Angeles voters approved a measure in 2012 requiring condoms to be used in all pornos shot there, but it has taken until now for the law to be implemented due to lawsuits from the adult video industry. A spokesman for the industry said the cost is outrageous, namely because whole pornographic films can be shot for that price.

 

The Dangers of Looking at the Sun

Wikimedia Commons

Florida police arrested a suspected car thief when he stopped to look at August’s solar eclipse. The man stopped into a hardware store to buy a welding mask to look at the rare astronomical phenomenon. The mask, which had blue flame decals on the side, blocks out nearly all light so that a person can look at the sun in relative safety. Police arrested him while standing next to the stolen car and looking at the eclipse through the mask. “He never saw it coming,” the sheriff’s office said.

 

A Spiritual Head Covering

An Alaska man spent 17 hours in a tattoo artist’s chair to get the Aurora Borealis, also known as the Northern Lights, tattooed on the top of his head. He told the local NBC News affiliate that the process was a spiritual journey. He also said the Northern Lights cemented his religious faith, which helped him through a fight with addiction. “I feel like the Holy Spirit led me to that tattoo parlor,” he said.

 

What’s in a Name?

Wikimedia Commons

At issue during the gathering of racist groups in Charlottesville, Virginia, last month was the removal of a statue of Confederate General Robert E. Lee. Now, ESPN commentator Robert Lee will be staying away from Charlottesville. Due to the ESPN commentator’s sharing a name with the deceased general, ESPN officials decided to put a different staffer on for a September 2 game at the University of Virginia in which they will face off against the College of William and Mary.

 

Tough Critic

Danish police sent a busker home to practice after determining that he was playing badly and loudly. A report from the police seemed to imply that the officer involved was an Oasis fan and was offended by the busker’s poor playing of the 1995 song “Wonderwall.” The police report said the busker “certainly did not sound like Liam Gallagher” and concluded, “Just because you can play ‘Wonderwall’ does not mean you have to.”

 

Curbside Service You Didn’t Ask For

A California woman is suing Uber because her driver pushed her out of the moving car. In the lawsuit, the woman says she got into an Uber to take her from one part of Ventura to another. When the driver deviated from the quickest route, which the woman knew well, she told him to get back on track. Instead, the driver sped up and became agitated. She told him to pull over and let her out. Instead, while taking a curve, he reached across her, opened her door, and pushed her out — then drove away. An Uber spokeswoman declined to comment on the litigation other to say that the allegations were “troubling.”

Dave Eisenstadter can be reached at deisen@valleyadvocate.com.

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