The paper you use when wrapping marijuana into a dank joint says a lot about who you are as a person.
Do you go for flash over substance? Are you discerning or thirsty? Are you a class act or a hot mess?
Pick your favorite papers, and we’ll reveal a deep truth about your personality.
And if you want to know more about which rolling papers create the best spliffs, gorilla fingers, jays, pinners, and fatties, check out this week’s Valley Advocate, Aug. 31-Sept. 6, 2017, for an in-depth rolling paper review.
ZIG-ZAG: The one who’s always there. No one is sure who invited you to the party, or out to eat, or to your buddy’s house, but hey there you are and people are pretty stoked to see you. It’s nice how reliable you are, but no one wants to cop to having brought you along — you’re cool, but you can be needlessly harsh.
HAWAIIAN SKUNK: Someone rocking a studded T-shirt and giant watch at the club. We get it, you want to stand out, but seriously, you’re trying too hard. If you just turned down your hype a bit, people would be able to see past your noxious body spray and desperate peacocking to see what a stand up guy you really are.
ELEMENTS: Class act. You have a discerning sense of style and taste that is obvious without being stuffy. People trust your opinion and gravitate to your sparkling personality.
RANDY’S WIRED: HFFA. Back in the day HFFA stood for “hot from far away,” and since Randy’s has been around since the ’70s, reaching back a bit for this reference seemed appropriate. You look good and you have some awesome ideas, but once people get up close and personal with you, your appeal flakes and burns up like cheap, bleached, rolling papers.
JUICY JAY’S: Hot mess. You’re all over the place trying to do a million things at once, trying to be everything to all people, and it’s not working. Focus on the multitude of things you are already doing great and cut the dead weight.
IRIE: Hipster. You’re v cool, low-key, 100-percent organic, and critical of American culture. People look up to you, even if they won’t admit it.
RAW: Old soul. You are not a trend follower. You know what you like and you go for it because you have the wisdom and confidence that comes from a life full of experience and lessons.
GLASS: Insta-freak. So pretty! So original! So perfect for photos and not much else! Sorry, for that last one. You probably are a pretty awesome person, but the way you present yourself — edited and through multiple filters — is overbearing and annoying. Set yourself free and live “your best life” in real life.
BAMBU: Trend-setter. It takes people years to catch up to your music, food, entertainment, and philosophical tastes, which can be frustrating, but rewarding. You seek out quality and aren’t afraid to go against the norm.
New England Treatment Access (NETA): Sorry, I forgot your name. No one remembers who you are even if they’ve met you a bunch of times. You don’t stand out in crowds and try not to make any waves with your thoughts and opinions. Bust out and stand for something and you’ll be surprised how many people start flocking to you.
E-Z WIDER: Behind the times. You’ve recently told your friends about how much you’re digging this new artist, DJ Khaled, and you are wearing the same cargo shorts and G-strings from the early 2000s. It takes you awhile to get on board with something new, but once you do, you stay there for a long time.
OCB SLIM: Sweetheart. You enjoy supporting people and helping them achieve their goals. Sometimes you’re more devoted to others than yourself. Don’t forget: Do you first.
WANT MORE WEED NEWS AND VIEWS? Check out the Valley Advocate online for more marijuana articles. We look at future local weed businesses, smoking in public, how the weed DUI situation is developing, and we name the best rolling papers around. valleyadvocate.com
Contact Kristin Palpini at firstname.lastname@example.org.