Bizarro Briefs: Mike Pence’s Gay Pet Rabbit

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Marlon Bundo is probably the most famous bunny in the news right now. He’s the grand-bunny of Vice President Mike Pence and Second Lady Karen Pence and he’s been a wascally wabbit this week. Karen Pence and her daughter wrote and illustrated a children’s book that stars Bundo as he follows VP Pence through a “Day in the Life of the Vice President.” Unfortunately, with fame comes tabloids and Bundo found himself in the sites of someone even more vicious than Elmer Fudd last weekend: host of Last Week Tonight, John Oliver. Oliver released a parody of the Pences’ children’s book that “explores issues of same sex marriage and democracy” due to Pence’s outspoken criticisms of the LGBTQ community. Oliver’s book is outselling the actual Pence children’s book on Amazon. Tough carrots Bundo.

I just need to tighten these nuts…

“A wrench is a tool used to provide grip and mechanical advantage in applying torque to turn objects.”  Keep that definition in mind because a man recently got his genitals trapped in a wrench. The “how and why” were not explained but crews were called to assist the man in Newport, south Wales.  They had to use their metal cutters to remove the steel tool from his package. South Wales Fire and Rescue Service later warned of the dangers of mishandling tools: “If you’re using tools, make sure you’re handling as the manufacturer recommends,” it tweeted. “Crews from Maindee and Malpas had to release a ‘steel ring spanner’ from a man who took tightening nuts to a new level earlier.”  

A new kind of Cash Cab

A 19-year-old southern Indiana man, called a cab, robbed a bank, and then took the cab home, police report. He was arrested on Thursday less than an hour after he allegedly robbed a Fifth Third Bank. The teen reportedly ordered a taxi, took it to the bank, where Evansville Police said he gave the bank teller a note that read: “this is a robbery give me all your money.” He reportedly did not have a weapon during his big heist. He then took the cab back home and paid the driver $20 from the money he stole, which, unfortunately, the police could not recover after the bust. Surprisingly, “paraphernalia used to ingest synthetic drugs” were found in the man’s home after they executed a search warrant. He’s in county jail on charges of possessing drug paraphernalia and oh … yes … robbery.

The tooth, the whole tooth … and some cashews

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An Ohio woman who was eating Planters nuts last month claims that when she was finishing her snack she bit into a human tooth instead of a cashew.  She said she “noticed something very hard in my mouth …. yes a human tooth was in my package and I had in my mouth for at least 30-40 seconds!!” She said that’s when she made a visit to the emergency room, where she said it was confirmed the item was a human tooth  with dried blood. To make matters worse, the woman said she suffers from odontophobia  a fear of teeth. The woman said will no longer eat nuts as “they make me sick to my stomach.” Despite many efforts, Planters hasn’t contacted her with an explanation.

Going down

A video of a boy in China urinating in an elevator has gone viral and Chinese authorities are telling parents to “stop being naughty.” The Ministry of Public Security has released the video showing the boy urinating over the buttons in an elevator in a building in south west China. The prank backfired, however, trapping the boy inside and requiring his rescue. The footage, which has been viewed more than 12 million times on China’s Facebook-like Weibo, shows the elevator’s control panel begin to short circuit; lights can be seen going on and off and the doors opening and closing. The boy can be seen frantically pressing the buttons trying to exit. Weibo users were quick to attack the boy’s parents, with one popular comment saying: “Behind a naughty child there are definitely naughty parents.”

Dreams of 2018 getting better dashed with death of keyboard cat

The internet bowed its head in early March to mourn the loss of an internet legend: keyboard cat. Bento the keyboard cat was adopted by his owner in 2009 after a 1980s video of his previous cat Fatso playing the keyboard in a blue t-shirt went viral. Bento got his own YouTube channel and put out a series of videos and commercials where he also plays the keyboard in a blue t-shirt. Twitter hasn’t been this distraught since Bowie died … here’s hoping they’re together up there.

Slow reservations for slow food

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A restaurant in Maine is so popular that it has decided slow its reservation process down to a snail’s pace. Snail mail’s pace to be exact. Last year the Lost Kitchen in Freedom, Maine, got 10,000 calls for reservations in 24 hours. To avoid that stress, the owner-chef decided that this year patrons have to send their reservations for the 2018 season in by postcard. If you’re worried that the restaurant is not worth the trouble, think again. Even though Freedom, Maine, is a sleepy town, the restaurant itself is in an old gristmill next to a waterfall, and the chef was nominated for a James Beard award (the Oscars of food awards).

Snapchat needs an Umbrella for the storm that Rihanna just unleashed

Rihanna used Instagram to denounce an ad that appeared on Snapchat that used images of her and Chris Brown and made a game out of domestic violence. The ad was for a game called “Would you Rather” and asked the users if they would rather slap Rihanna or punch Chris Brown. While Rihanna said that her post wasn’t about her feelings but about all of the other victims of domestic violence. After Rihanna called out Snapchat on her Instagram, Snap Inc.’s stock fell around 4 percent.

Seattle mailbox photo safari

A man in Seattle decided to create a blog  that’s not surprising. But the concept sure wasn’t about drinking coffee and listening to grunge rock. Mailboxes of Seattle is the blog of David Peterman, who finished photographing every mailbox in the city in mid-February. He began his photo quest in early 2017 and started on a whim, “I found all these sites online where you can look up any city, and it’ll show you where all the mailboxes are,” he told Atlas Obscura. “I thought, ‘Hey, I wonder if anyone’s been to every mailbox in Seattle?” From mailboxes to the suburbs and urban centers to abandoned lots, Peterman took dozens of photos. One thing he said he learned from the experience was the topic was an excellent conversation starter at parties.

Here be dragons

A nerdy prankster in Oxfordshire, England, create fake road signs to some of the most beloved places in fiction. A road sign in Didcot says you can reach J.R.R. Tolkien’s “Middle Earth” from The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings by going along the A4130 road to Wallingford. Other fictional locales featured on the road signs include Gotham City from Batman, Narnia from C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia series, and the Emerald City from the Wizard of Oz.

Lost at sea

Daphne Duck was lost at sea on March 11, 2018. The giant blow-up duck named Daphne was supposed to be used as a turn buoy for competitors in the 22nd annual Cooge Jetty to Jetty Swim at Cooge Beach in Perth, Australia, but the duck had other plans. Strong winds pushed the blow-up duck off and away into the Indian Ocean. The club assembled a search party, but their investigation was to no avail. They published a Facebook post offering a $700 reward for Daphne’s safe return. Two days turned into six with still no trace, but on the seventh day, a local fisherman found the blow-up dock near Rottnest Island, just west of Perth, and only slightly deflated. The fisherman received a bottle of vodka, club gear, and a free pass to next year’s competition as a reward. Personally, we would have rather taken the $700.

See us on the moooooon!

Kim Hansen photo. Wikimedia Commons

On a recent overcast day in March, more than 200 cows tramped onto a field and where arranged into four lines and a dot to form the word, “Hi.” Not long after, a satellite photographed the cow formation, which could be seen from space. The mastermind behind the cow prank? A Kansas farmer who moonlights as a YouTube personality. In the past he’s arranged his herd into shapes such as the Olympic rings and the Pi sign, which he filmed with a drone.

Author: Gina Beavers, Meg Bantle, and Chris Goudreau

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