Bizarro Briefs: Dog Doesn’t Bite Man

In 2016, dogs bit human postal service workers a total of 156 times in Colorado. But that shouldn’t deter any prospective mail carriers. A recent study shows that the number went down in 2017 … to 132 times. Nationwide, the number of dog bites to postal employees went down by about 500, which the Postal Service attributes to new technology that allows customers scheduling package pickups to indicate whether dogs will be at the address. The Postal Service also suggests postal customers move their dogs to another room when opening the door for a postal carrier delivering a package or letter. Perhaps then the number can drop below the 6,244 bites recorded nationwide in 2017.

A wedding ring bearer flies the coop

A married couple in Great Britain had an unconventional idea for their ringbearer — an owl. During the couple’s March 17 wedding, the owl was supposed to fly from one handler to the other on opposite sides of the aisle at Peckforton Castle in Cheshire, England, carrying a small pouch containing the wedding rings. That didn’t happen as planned. Instead, the owl swooped down on one of the best men, who fell off his chair, legs flailing, as the owl landed on its chest flapping its wings, before taking off. The wedding photographer told ABC News that it was “one of those moments you’ll never forget.”

Dino on fire!!

A T-Rex blew its top in Colorado recently. Known to be hot-headed, this 24-foot animatronic dinosaur burst into flames in a fiery scene at the Royal Gorge Dinosaur Experience in Canon City. Fortunately, no one was injured when the robotic dino caught fire. The Royal Gorge Facebook page said, “There was an unfortunate (and rare) electrical issue with our mighty T-Rex and he is no longer. You might even say … extinct.” But unlike the real T-Rex, the staff is hoping to have a replacement up and running by summer.

The road to Hell is paved with good  intentions

There’s a stretch of highway in Arizona that’s been adopted by Satanists. Yep, The Satanic Temple of Arizona adopted a stretch of I-10 near Casa Grande. As if that weren’t newsworthy enough, they sent volunteers armed with pitchforks to pick up trash on the highway. A member of the group, told Fox station KSAZ, “what we are really showing here is that Satanism is a legitimate religion, even though it’s non-theistic. We are showing the people do have a sense of community and they want to get involved.” Well, the Satantic Temple — after working like the devil to keep the road clean got a sign just like any other good samaritan group out there, and that bit of road just may be the highway to Hell … or Tuscon.

This seat is for my service goat

We all know a service peacock is not allowed on a plane, but recently a man attempted to catch a bus in Detroit with his service goat named Deer. But the driver said Deer couldn’t come along for the ride. “I get on the bus and the driver was like, ‘What are you doing here? You can’t have a goat on the bus,’” the man told FOX 2 Detroit. “I take the goat everywhere I go because he’s my service animal.” The Detroit Department of Transportation said the guidelines are set by the state, which separates a service animal from a therapy or support animal. A DDOT rep said they reviewed the cell phone videos from the incident and believe the driver made the correct decision. The man and his goat Deer had to walk four miles home.

Unsmiling Smurfs

An Austrian man was fined 160 euros, or $197 in U.S. dollars, for calling police officers “smurfs” in a Facebook post warning about speed checks. The Austria Press Agency reported that authorities in the Tyrol province of Austria imposed the fine for violating “public decency” by “defaming two police officers.” The man’s original Facebook post warned others of “two Smurfs standing with lasers” on a local highway. A police officer filed a complaint, which led to the fine, but according to the Tiroler Tageszeitung newspaper, the man plans to defend the Facebook post as a harmless joke rather than defamation at the regional police headquarters.

Oh, you didn’t actually want me to call 911?

The Amherst, Massachusetts, police department responded to a home on Easter Sunday after getting a 911 call that a woman had chopped off her fingers. What sounded like the worst Easter surprise ever turned out to be a hoax. Officers were not pleased to find out that the woman and her husband were just playing an April Fools’ Day prank on their kids. Apparently someone was supposed to pretend to call the police instead of actually calling 911.

Job opening: pants not required

A nudist campground in Rhode Island is hiring a lifeguard, and while a bathing suit is allowed, it’s not required. The Dyer Woods Nudist Campground is family friendly, with swimming, hiking, volleyball, and a sauna. Like most campgrounds, people come to Dyer Woods to let it all go … but unlike most campgrounds they also let go of their shorts. All applicants for the lifeguard position must be qualified and open to the au naturel wonders of the stripped down wilderness and, of course, some people in the buff.

Maybe it was Nessie?

Dozens of fossilized dinosaur footprints on the Scottish Isle of Skye have been discovered to be from the Middle Jurassic period. The tracks are thought to be from sauropods and therapods about 170 million years ago, and is significant because there are not many fossil sites from the Middle Jurassic period worldwide. The footprints were not in fact made by a mythical Loch Ness monster, but by sauropods that might have been walking around Scotland for a longer period of time than anyone previously expected.

Have an idea for Bizarro Briefs? Send it to deisen@valleyadvocate.com.

Author: Meg Bantle, Gina Beavers, and Chris Goudreau

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