Bizarro Briefs: Guns aren’t fool proof, or dog proof

Guns aren’t fool proof, or dog proof

Everyone knows that dogs are goofballs. They eat things they shouldn’t. They dig up things they shouldn’t. And sometimes they shoot things they shouldn’t. One man in Iowa found out the hard way that the safety on his gun wasn’t fool proof, or dog proof, when his dog jumped up on his lap and discharged the gun that he was wearing around his waist. The dog accidentally disengaged the safety of the gun while playing and then hit the trigger with his paw. The man was not seriously injured and the police don’t suspect foul play, mostly because the dog has reportedly been a very good boy since the incident.

I’ll have a #1, the salmon ice cream with blackberries

Bears have been used in wildlife public service announcements for decades (I’m looking at you Smokey the Bear) but one of the things that makes those advertisements work is that the bears aren’t real. One Canadian zoo missed the memo on cartoon bears and brought an actual Kodiak bear through a Dairy Queen drive-through for an advertisement about why you SHOULDN’T feed or get too close to bears. If that sounds like mix messaging to you, you’re not alone. The video of the bear eating the ice cream out of a car window in the drive-through didn’t last long online before receiving criticism. The owners of the zoo are being charged for not telling authorities about their little adventure and for getting the bear a cone instead of a Blizzard.

Here comes the bride, all dressed in fondant

The world is abuzz with the latest royal wedding out of the United Kingdom. With Prince Harry and Meghan Markle tying the knot at one of the biggest events of the season, one fan decided to celebrate with one of the biggest cakes of the season: two life-size replicas of Harry and Meghan made entirely out of cake. The cakes took over 250 hours to make but were not invited to the wedding despite their likeness. The baker said that she made their faces out of chocolate and that even the eyes are edible poured sugar. The cakes weigh about 200 pounds each and could feed about 500 people. They will be displayed in November at the Cake International show in Birmingham.

Jazz sharks

It’s a little known fact that sharks in Port Jackson, Florida, would rather listen to a jazz solo by Miles Davis than a Ludwig van Beethoven sonata. According to an article by National Geographic, jazz reigns supreme over classical when it comes to the musical tastes of sharks. The sharks were trained to identify both types of music with a food incentive. Five out of the eight juvenile sharks that were trained to respond to the music, preferred jazz. However, researchers found that sharks can’t immediately differentiate between genres and the sharks became confused when jazz and classical music were played on opposite ends of a tank.

I don’t think water is supposed to be fluorescent …

A bloom of algae off the coast of southern California has lit up the Pacific Ocean with an eerie neon blue glow for a 15-mile stretch of coastline. The algae is a bioluminescent version of the red tide, which is caused by a massive bloom of algae. However, most of the time red tide’s don’t have a neon blue hue. Red tides are known to last for a month or longer and it’s not known how long this neon blue tide will last. The process by which the algae crates light is similar to glow sticks with two chemicals mixing to create a fluorescent blue. In this case, the algae contains an enzyme and a protein, which when mixed with the ocean waves combines to create a quick flash of light.

Death by orgasm

Scientists from Queensland University of Technology in Australia hope to save two species from extinction that get it on for far too long. The black-tailed dusky antechinus and the silver-headed antechinus were discovered in 2013 and are known for having sex for 14 hours in a single session. Other challenges such as climate change, habitat loss, and feral pests add to the species’ challenges. According to Sky News, the 14-hour sex session causes males of the marsupial species to go from prime health to exhausted shells of their former selves within the annual mating fortnight at the end of winter. Lethal levels of testosterone, which destroy organs, end up killing males of the species.

Chocolate highway

Things got downright gooey when a tanker carrying liquid chocolate overturned and spilled its contents onto a road in western Poland. All four lanes of the highway connecting the city of Poznan to Warsaw were covered with the delicious sludge of chocolate. Of course, the chocolate was no good to anyone at that point and the local spokesman for the local fire department said, “The slippery surface of solid chocolate on the road is a worse hazard than snow.” Fortunately the driver of the truck only suffered minor injuries which means the chocolate was the only fatality.

But I texted you, 65,000 times?!

Love can be intense. Maybe too intense. A Phoenix woman allegedly sent more than 65,000 (often bizarrely threatening) text messages to a man after a first date last summer. Her reason? “I felt like I met my soulmate and I thought we would just do what everybody else did and we would get married and everything would be fine.” That’s doubtful since one of her texts stated, “I’m like the new Hitler… man was a genius” and another said, “Oh, what I would do w/your blood … I’d wanna bathe in it.” Police arrested the 31-year-old woman and charged her with threatening, stalking, harassment, and failure to appear in court. The woman met the man on Luxy, an online dating site for verified millionaires. In her defense, she added: “Love is an excessive thing.”

Have an idea for Bizarro Briefs? Send it to deisen@valleyadvocate.com.

Author: Gina Beavers and Chris Goudreau

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