Leisure

The Immaculate Female Ejaculate

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Thursday, October 06, 2011

I can tell you a lot about semen. An hour of research and I can tell you how to create a summery cumcoction ("I Bet Lance Armstrong Makes a Great Cocktail," May 12, 2011) or how to increase the volume of your little soldier's final gunshot ("Ahoy, Matey! A Captain's Guide to His Semen," January 13, 2011).

When it comes to sex research, semen is everywhere! Male ejaculate will forever reside on a sexual pedestal, both in the scientific research realm and the seedier (pun intended) world of pornographic "cum-shot" finales. Somehow this little white blob of sticky-icky has come to stand for a man's very manliness, sexual prowess and biological worth.

But what does female ejaculate get?

Nothin'. That's what.

Googling "female ejaculate" only gets me bad porn and some idiot named Dr. David Devlin telling me that though he knows nothing about female ejaculate, "women who experience ejaculation need to realise that many men have a positive attitude towards it. After all, if a woman ejaculates, the man can regard it as a tribute to his virility and skill in bed!" Thanks, Dr. Dave! Now we're back to semen!

It's no wonder that the supposed minority of women that do ejaculate often feel ambivalent about it at best and shameful at worst. It's no wonder that many women actually can ejaculate but don't/can't out of fear or embarrassment.

Even I, the big-mouthed sex columnist, don't often mention my secret fluid talents. Maybe it's because female ejaculation's popular representation lies in a weird limbo between a pornographically glorified party trick and something like involuntary bed-wetting.

Maybe it's because it's referenced by awful terms like "gushing," "squirting" (am I a pool toy?) and "she-jaculation" (yes, you can thank Dr. Dave for that one). Or maybe it's because no one seems to know what the fuck it is. Is it pee? Why is there so much of it? If I drink it, will I barf?

I'll tell you what I do know, which, scientifically, isn't much. No real studies have been done to determine what the fluid is. It's a clear, light, slippery liquid that's relatively tasteless and odorless and contains glucose and fructose. Many think it comes from the Skene's glands, which are located around the urethral sponge, commonly known as the G-spot. Of course, there's no concrete proof from lab-coated dudes that women ejaculate in response to G-spot stimulation, but many women report such experiences. Though some women can ejaculate under other stimulus, many require direct G-spot pressure in order to ejaculate.

For spot-hitting details, read past column "The Notorious G" (December 9, 2010). Though fingers keep you more in touch, insertable toys with firm curves work well (hint: curve towards the belly-button with a come-hither motion). Experiment with different toy materials as heavier objects can apply ejaculate-worthy pressure. Try Njoy's stainless steel Pure Wand, Standard Glass's durable glass Spectral, or Lelo's silicone Ella, all hefty, hand-held toys with two differently shaped, insertable ends.

Work on breaking down the primary barrier to her ejaculation—her inhibition about allowing herself to do it. Lack of education, social ambivalence and questionable representations of female ejaculation can all contribute to a woman's mental (and therefore physical) uneasiness about letting it go.

Then there's the peeing. G-spot stimulation makes many women feel the need to pee. This is usually an indicator of impending ejaculation but can also be a major turnoff, as most people don't enjoy golden showers. Trust that your partner will forgive some accidental urination; relax and let your body do what it obviously wants to do. Bring some towels.

Turn to Deborah Sundahl's popular Female Ejaculation and the G-spot, which will soak you in history and practical how-tos. Watch some positive, puddle-making porn like Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to the Female Orgasm or Female Ejaculation: The Workshop. Soak your sheets. Work on your distance. Whatever you do when you ejaculate, talk about it. We may not know what it is or why it appears, but it happens and it's hot, dammit! And everyone should know it.

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