Leisure

Orgasmic Organics

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Thursday, October 20, 2011

It was over a year ago that I wrote one of the first V-Spot columns about how much K-Y personal lubricant sucked. This continues to be true, even if they did debut a commercial last month featuring a rather boring lesbian couple talking about how much they heart K-Y Intense.

Lesbians or no lesbians, K-Y key ingredients like glycerin, methylparabens and propylene-glycol trigger yeast infections, have been linked to breast cancer and are found in substances like anti-lock brake fluid.

Not only is my vagina not a car part, but legitimately progressive progress has been made in the sexy-slippery stuff department since we last discussed the wide, wet world of lube. These lube companies may not have millions of dollars to bring 30-second slots to your TV, but they do have the conscience to make entirely organic, vagina-friendly products.

Move over, Sliquid Sassy Booty Formula! Yes's (yesyesyes.org) certified organic, water-based lube has recently taken the cake as my new favorite lube. Well, Sliquid Sassy will always be my favorite booty-specific lube, but Yes is now dominating the rest of my body parts. Most commercial lubes (like stupid K-Y) are water-based, liquid lubes. I always preferred Sliquid Sassy over classic liquid lubes because it is a water-based gel, meaning that its consistency is thicker, cushioning, and doesn't get tacky. But then Yes came along and yes, yes, yes—it stays pillowy soft and sumptuously slick for so long! Even better, the first two ingredients are water and aloe, so I know my lady parts won't be requiring a visit to the mechanic afterwards.

Yes also makes an oil-based lube that's very different from water-based. While traditional oils like sunflower seed oil or coconut oil may be organic, they do not maintain the vagina's delicate pH-balance, and can spark infections. Yes's oil, however, is safely pH-neutral and comes out of the bottle as a non-messy cream that becomes a thin, slippery layer with your body heat.

Oil-based lubricants —Yes's included—are not latex-compatible. They will quickly break down condoms, gloves, dental dams and your favorite latex bodysuit. However, Yes oil-based can be perfect pampering for the post-menopausal as it contains hydrating ingredients like Shea butter, beeswax and vitamin E that soothe dry tissues, promote elasticity and moisturize.

Like broccoli hidden in the mac 'n' cheese for a stubborn child, Blossom Organics (blossom-organics.com) is the perfect all-natural lube for tricking your organic-phobic partner into using a non-commercial lube. Blossom Organics' texture is the most similar to the familiar feeling of Astroglide's ilk—it's thin, liquidy and comes in an unassuming white-and-purple tube so no one will ever be the wiser that it's also free of glycerin and methlyparabens and has a fancy-sounding first ingredient, "organic aloe barbadensis leaf extract."

Hathor Aphrodisia Pure (hathorbody.com) is super-slippery lube that toes the woo-woo, moon-worshiping line a little too much for me. Gold packaging emblazoned with a logo that implies sperm swimming toward a blossoming heart-shaped, vagina-esque image along with Hathor's boastfulness that it contains horny goat weed as a "natural aphrodisiac" is a little too Burning Man.

Does this lube make me a randy as a horned mountain animal? No. Does it make me—and keep me—wet? Yes. And organically. Made from seven botanical ingredients, Hathor's non-sticky slide has more than just the hippies hooked. If you're the type who likes to have your partner's body parts taste like sickeningly sweet ice cream toppings, Hathor also has a fully organic line of flavored lubes that are much better for you than the aspartame-infused, glycerin-packed flavored lubes you'll find at drugstores.

Good Clean Love (goodcleanlove.com) made the unfortunate mistake of putting lemon extract in its organic Almost Naked lube. If it lights a tiny paper cut on fire, why the hell would you put lemon on your precious dirty bits? My God, the burning! Fortunately, a recent reformulation now has this thick, soft, gel-based lube subtly smelling of vanilla and perfectly suited for anal play. But don't worry, Sliquid Sassy, you're still my favorite booty butter.

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