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Cougars, Sugar Daddies and Cubs...Oh, My!

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Thursday, November 15, 2012

Cougars and sugar daddies pave the yellow brick road to Sexual Stereotypesville. While people can “understand” why an older woman might want the confidence boost and sexual stamina that comes with the attention of a much younger man, or how a rich dude having a mid-life crisis and a young, broke Fendi-addicted thang may go together like peanut butter and crusty old jelly, not a whole lot of thought is put into the realities of a relationship with a significant age gap.

Do you have to be an aggressive jungle cat, a sweet caramel candy lollipop or a money-hungry trollop to enjoy dating intergenerationally?

The term “cougar” feels offensive, but not for a clear reason I can pinpoint. As defined on the TLC network’s episode of Strange Sex that I embarrassedly watched and surprisingly enjoyed yesterday, cougars are, officially, women who are at least 40 years old and date men at least eight years their junior. Apparently, the term also references their cougar-esque ability to hunt and destroy their innocent, younger prey. This is undoubtedly a perk because a straight-forward come-on with no guess-work is always better than those pesky little head games us younguns are always playing.

Though not characteristically defined by their filthy richness like their sugar daddy counterparts, cougars may be more financially stable and relaxed than greener ladies. They don’t come with the added pressure of that old biological clock (though they may have already fulfilled that Darwinian mission and could have offspring that, hey, might be your age!). Taming a cougar is purrfect for those non-monogamous, commitment-phobic types. as the wedding bells have probably already been rung. On the flip side, if you do want a long-term relationship with your princess of prowess, she may no longer be into the idea of walking down the aisle or be scarred from her first attempt(s), or, if you do make it to the altar, your age difference could become more and more difficult as time goes on.

And what happens between those Pottery Barn sheets? Well, many taut “sexual experience” as a major perk to cougar-dating. I say it’s a strange assumption that more time on this planet directly corresponds with your number of sexual conquests or partners. I’m sure I trump many a cougar.

However, if cougars really are daring huntresses of young hunks of man-meat, then the self-confidence alone could be a major game-changer, as learning to be comfortable in your sexual skin is half the course load to becoming a sexpert.

Women tend to reach their sexual energy peak after 30 while men hit it as soon as they’re able to vote, making a cougar and her cub (the technical term, people!) a mathematical match made in some dive bar somewhere. Your risk of an oopsie-baby is much lower, but, hey, you’re never too old to get herpes! Menopause could be a stumbling block, but not if you communicate about pace and positioning and use Yes organic lubes, which come in both oil and water formulas for extra-hydrating lubrication.

And the sugar-daddies? Perk: they’re loaded. Drawback: their penises might just not work like they used to.

Joking aside, dating/sleeping with someone of a significant age difference can be exceptionally rewarding because of its unique challenges. Cougars and sugar-daddies are never taken seriously. while we all know that you can be in a real-deal relationship with someone much younger or older than yourself. When in doubt, do a motivation check: Is he dating a much younger girl to make sure he’s “still got it”? Is he dating an older woman because he’s desperately seeking stability? Wait! Are all cougars and sugar-daddies straight?!

If you are serious about this relationship, mind the age gap but don’t let it rule your entire relationship. In the end, this isn’t a numbers game, but a compatibility game. Sure, it can be easier to find common ground when you’re both 20-something and can come together over the trials and tribulations of trying to take off another person’s skinny jeans before getting freaky (“No – pull from the ankle!”), but isn’t it a more interesting and rewarding dynamic to alternate your sex playlists between Nicki Minaj and The Beatles?

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