Dear V-Spot— I'm a big fan of your column and have learned many good things to make sex not only better for my girlfriend but for me also!
I have a question about squirting. I'm a very selfless lover. I'd rather please my girlfriend than be pleased. I would like to give her the ultimate orgasm and would be so turned on making her squirt all over the place. She's done it one time using her vibrator alone and she really wants me to make her squirt (without the sex toys).
Can you squirt? Do you have any tips on how to do this or what it even really is? Some people think it only happens in porn, but I know real girls can do it. Can it be controlled? Thanks so much and keep up your awesome articles!
—Loyal Reader Corey
Loyal Reader Corey!
Last year I wrote the column "The Immaculate Female Ejaculate" (October 6, 2011), which gripes about the lack of good, available information about female ejaculation. You should read it. This column also told the world how much I hate the term "squirting" to describe this fabulous, juicy occurrence. But, seeing as you love it so, I guess I'll use it, too. .
First—porn stars are real people. I know it's hard to deal with this fact especially if you've only seen mass-produced Internet porn where the women doing the squirting are either unbelievably acting or unbelievably drugged up, but they're not actually avatars. Get some good squirting porn by Tristan Taormino from Oh My, and you can see that these performers are very real (as in they're consenting, undrugged and having genuine orgasms) and so is their squirting. Sure, certain camera angles exaggerate some things, but women can and do ejaculate, and the same is true of your girlfriend!
I commend your desire to give your lady the "ultimate orgasm," but I'd be careful of putting any type of sexual experience on a pedestal. This can result in "failure to launch" because of the mental pressure it creates, and the disappointment, as the act of squirting isn't necessarily the most pleasurable part of orgasm for everyone.
Now, gender-neutrally-named Corey, I'm assuming you're a dude because of the "selfless lover" self-designation, the assumption that you're unique for wanting to please her first, and the casting aside of the vibrator. I'm also assuming that by "without the sex toys" you mean "with my penis." I'm curious about which one of you wants to lose the vibes but, either way, I'd urge you to not ditch the batteries just yet.
Reaching the G-spot (the spongy tissue located one or two inches up the inside front wall of the vagina that can cause female ejaculation when stimulated) isn't easily done with your favorite piece of male anatomy. The most successful G-spot stimulation happens with a curved shape, firm pressure and a hooked, rocking motion that can be challenging to accomplish with a malleable body part that's just not quite as dexterous as your fingers or a sex toy. Get more information about the G-spot from past column "The Notorious G" (December 9, 2010).
You're ahead of the gushing game because she can get there with her toy. Use this to your advantage! Use her vibrator to get her to squirt first. This will give you both a better understanding of where her G-spot is, how she likes it stimulated (in terms of pressure, positioning and speed) and what her physical signals are for "Honey, get the towels!"
After you've mastered the vibe-induced squirt, graduate to penetration. Shallow penetration and certain positions can hit the G-spot better—try doggie style (especially with her chest on the bed), reverse cowgirl (her on top, facing away from you), putting her legs over her head, or pulling her knees to her chest.
As for squirt-control, once you've made your bedroom a waterpark, play around with how, when and at what angle you pull out when she's squirting for maximum dramatic effect.
Finally, you ask, "Can you squirt?" Corey, please. If you were really a loyal reader, you'd already know the answer to that one.