The V-Spot: Let’s Do Munch!
Oct17

The V-Spot: Let’s Do Munch!

Hey Yana, I am totally new to BDSM [bondage and discipline/sadism and maso- chism]. Someone told me about a “munch” happening locally tomorrow night. They found it through the FetLife website and suggested I go. Do you know anything about these “munch” meetups? How safe are they? I am Northampton based, looking to connect with other BDSM folks. Do you have any suggestions on how else I can do this?— Curious Munchkin A “munch” is...

Read More
The V-Spot: Help! I’ve DepoShot my Libido in the Foot
Oct10

The V-Spot: Help! I’ve DepoShot my Libido in the Foot

Hi Yana,I’ve been on the Depo shot for two months now and I have no sex drive. No desire whatsoever. I Googled it and it’s normal for women on the shot to feel this way.Do you have any tips or sex hacks to help me and my BF out? I’m sure he’s tired of coming home to me not wanting to do it.– Feelin’ Low on the Depo Dear Feelin’ Low,There are a number of reasons why you may be experiencing this noted side effect of the Depo-Provera...

Read More
The V-Spot: I’m Dating Three Women; Does That Make Me Polyamorous?
Sep26

The V-Spot: I’m Dating Three Women; Does That Make Me Polyamorous?

I’m a 38 yo male currently involved with three women. One is a long distance relationship. We met at a concert and had one night together and stayed in touch. We speak regularly on various chat and texts. Two is a nonsexual relationship. She spends the night and we spoon. We have some common interests, but that’s it. And Three I met on an online dating site. We go out and have sex once or twice a week. On one hand I feel like...

Read More
The V-Spot: SOS! I’m Spaced Out During Sex
Oct03

The V-Spot: SOS! I’m Spaced Out During Sex

Yana, I need your expertise!I’m a 19-year-old guy in a hetero relationship. I was pleasuring my partner last night and I realized I stopped being present and could not become present again. She picked up on it and, well, I really wanted to be present for it but I seemed to be stuck in my head, which didn’t make her feel good and wanted. Do you know how I can become more present while sexually active?— Spaced Out Sexually There...

Read More
The V-Spot: I’ve Had Enough With Vaginismus
Sep19

The V-Spot: I’ve Had Enough With Vaginismus

Editor’s Note: Sexual trauma addressed in this week’s column. Hi Yana,I really appreciate your column and the work that you do. I have a really embarrassing sex problem. I was sexually abused throughout various parts of my life, starting in my childhood and going into my twenties. I have vaginismus, but with therapy and dilation, it’s slowly but surely gotten better. I’m seeing someone new who I really like, and the...

Read More
The V-Spot: My 2-Minute Orgasm
Sep12

The V-Spot: My 2-Minute Orgasm

So, I was masturbating last night and set a timer. It took me under two minutes to orgasm. However, when someone else in involved, it takes forever or doesn’t happen at all. I can count the times it’s happened on two hands.Every time I masturbate it’s like clockwork, and I wish I could experience that with a partner! I’ve heard from various ladies and witnessed firsthand that orgasming seems easier for them with...

Read More
The V-Spot: Consent, It’s Not Just for Students
Sep06

The V-Spot: Consent, It’s Not Just for Students

Thankfully, consent is becoming a big topic on college campuses. However, most conversations about consent overfocus on the damaging outcomes of the failure to ask for consent rather than engaging students in learning the benefits of ongoing conversations about consent and sexual pleasure. Many campuses are offering too little too late, after-the-fact rather than ahead-of-the-act. But really, everyone can benefit from practicing...

Read More
The V-Spot: Help! My Boyfriend Hates My Vagina
Aug29

The V-Spot: Help! My Boyfriend Hates My Vagina

Hi Yana, I’m a straight 20-something lady and have been with my boyfriend for two years. We have a great sex life and we’re totally in love! He doesn’t seem to have much of an interest in my vagina — and my vagina, in my mind, is kinda the main thing that makes me a female sexual being. He likes my breasts and loves my butt, but he (literally) never goes down on me and I get the feeling that he only fingers me...

Read More
The V-Spot: My Sexual ‘A’ is Not a Scarlet Letter
Aug22

The V-Spot: My Sexual ‘A’ is Not a Scarlet Letter

Dear Yana,I was recently discussing your column with some new friends I met through Pioneer Valley Aces, a local group of individuals who identify as aromantic and/or asexual. I wasn’t the only one of us who appreciated your witty way of reassuring those who write in that their sexuality is OK.However, as a 39-year-old woman who has never had all that much interest in having romantic relationships or being sexually active, I...

Read More
The V-Spot: Women (and Men), Do Your Kegels
Aug08

The V-Spot: Women (and Men), Do Your Kegels

Hi Yana,I’m a young undergraduate student and yet I’ve been having issues with bladder control. I’ve been wanting to explore doing more Kegels and have heard of these kegel balls you can get. Do you know anything about that? I want to get a good brand/the right material because, obviously, it’s going in my vagina.— Kegel Kid Hi KK, I’m sorry to hear that your bladder isn’t doing what you need it to do — that sounds...

Read More
The V-Spot: New Pornographer Interested in Sex Ed
Aug15

The V-Spot: New Pornographer Interested in Sex Ed

Hi Yana!I saw your TEDx talk in Vienna and was copiously taking notes. The content was an eye-opener for me. I had never thought that both of our basic information sources about sex [school-sanctioned sex education and online pornography] are running their very own twisted agenda. I started working in the porn industry six weeks ago — hey, the money is fantastic! — and my consumption of porn has gone way up as a side effect. I’m...

Read More
The V-Spot: Three-Way Nookie Rookie Needs Advice
Jul25

The V-Spot: Three-Way Nookie Rookie Needs Advice

Hey, Yana,I’m a queer lady in my mid-20s and I’ve been with my boyfriend for about four years now. We’ve got an awesome hot and freaky sex life and we’re on the brink of our very first threesome with another girl. We’re both really excited that this is happening, but we’re wondering about threesome etiquette. How do we get things started? How do you be a good threesome host? What are some rules we should set?— Threeway Nookie Rookie...

Read More
The V-Spot: Husband Seeking Female-Friendly Sex-ed
Jul19

The V-Spot: Husband Seeking Female-Friendly Sex-ed

Hi Yana, My wife is interested in exploring her sexuality a little further — things she might be interested in trying, etc. — but is hoping to do so in a way that is female- and feminist-friendly. Do you have any suggestions for things she can do or read either individually or with me?— Helpful Husband Hello HH, My favorite kind of husband is the one willing to lend a helping hand to his partner’s continued sexual exploration —...

Read More
The V-Spot: Babe Needs to Break Up
Jul11

The V-Spot: Babe Needs to Break Up

Dear Yana,I want to break up with my boyfriend of a few years. As we both near 30 I’m getting clearer that he’s just not the guy for me.But here’s the thing: We live together. We have a lease together. We share a car and a cat and just have so many logistical ties to each other that I’m having a really hard time figuring out a way to break up with him that makes everything as easy as possible. I know that in the end we’re going to...

Read More
The V-Spot: Double the Pleasure: Synced Orgasms
Jul05

The V-Spot: Double the Pleasure: Synced Orgasms

Hi Yana, I recently attended one of your workshops about the G-spot and it worked! My partner and I went home that night and I squirted. But it’s so strange because when I squirt it doesn’t happen as I climax. It isn’t like a climactic orgasm. It just feels crazy good and then I squirt. We were wondering if we could time it so that I could have the clitoral climax at the same time that I squirt? — Star Squirting Student Dear SSS, Holy...

Read More
The V-Spot: Jealous Over My Flirty Girlfriend
Jun20

The V-Spot: Jealous Over My Flirty Girlfriend

Dear Yana,My girlfriend and I have been polyamorous for three years. We have established boundaries and as far as poly relationships go, it’s been pretty smooth sailing. Usually I’m a very low-jealousy partner.But lately she’s been flirting with this one woman that I think she wants to date and it feels like all of my normal jealousy strategies have evaporated. I can’t stand how it makes me feel and lately we’ve been arguing a lot...

Read More
The V-Spot: Why Can’t I Have Sex Without Drinking?
Jun14

The V-Spot: Why Can’t I Have Sex Without Drinking?

Editor’s Note: Sexual trauma is addressed in this week’s column. Hi Yana, I can’t seem to want to have sex unless I’m drunk.This has always kind of been the case, except for when I was a teenager, and horny all the time (and not drinking). Then when I got to college, there were many instances where all my friends would be going on about how much they “needed” sex, and I could never relate. It was only when I...

Read More
The V-Spot: I’m stuck in a cum-nundrum!
Jun06

The V-Spot: I’m stuck in a cum-nundrum!

Hi Yana, My partner (cis-male) and I (queer bisexual lady) enjoy getting super hot and bothered with each other, but we’re both frustrated with my seeming inability to orgasm. When we’re fooling around, just warming up, sometimes clitoral stimulation gets so intense that it’s painful, and we have to stop. When we move toward penetrative sex and I start feeling like I’m almost there — whatever...

Read More
The V-Spot: How Can I Be Poly, With A Heart?
May31

The V-Spot: How Can I Be Poly, With A Heart?

Hi Yana,I’m in my early 30s and have been polyamorous for a couple of years. Not long ago my wife of 13 years and I split. Now I’m kind of going through a dating/poly crisis. I strongly identify as poly despite not really having a primary relationship. Here’s the rub: I don’t really have trouble meeting/sleeping with women. And I’m always very upfront and honest about being essentially unable to see myself in a...

Read More
The V-Spot: My ‘Orgasm’
May23

The V-Spot: My ‘Orgasm’

Hello Yana, I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. We’re in our 20s, and he’s a few years older than me. There have been times when we’re intimate when he doesn’t provide me with oral sex. He’s never close to ejaculating while inside me. He only does so after I give him a blow job, and it’s not a lot of semen.Also, he puts his fingers inside me and does this thing to make me “orgasm,” which causes me...

Read More
The V-Spot: Seeking Seduction Instruction
May04

The V-Spot: Seeking Seduction Instruction

Hi Yana, My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Up until a couple of months ago, I was extremely satisfied with our sex life. He wanted me all the time and would initiate sex at least one to three times daily. Recently, we moved in together and it seems the spark has faded. We’re having sex less and I find myself left unwanted and horny. I know I can initiate sex myself, but I’m shy and don’t know what to do! I talked to...

Read More
The V-Spot: We Never Talk, But I’d Like To
Apr25

The V-Spot: We Never Talk, But I’d Like To

I know you do sex advice, but I need some relationship advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about half a year and he shows zero emotion. I want to bring it up to him, but not in a way that will make him clam up more, ya know? Any advice would be awesome. Thanks!— Emote My Boat The longer I contemplate this question, the curiouser and curiouser I get about what the exact situation is here. Are you in love with this guy and...

Read More
The V-Spot: Oh! Oh! Oh? Where’s My Orgasm?
Apr18

The V-Spot: Oh! Oh! Oh? Where’s My Orgasm?

Hi Yana!I started having sex with males this past summer. It’s fun and exciting, but I’ve yet to reach an earth-shattering orgasm. That may be too high of an expectation for myself, but it feels like I’ve never had an orgasm at all. I feel the build up, but there’s no release. I think this may be contributing to my extremely low sex drive, because sex isn’t really beneficial for me. I really do want to be having more...

Read More
The V-Spot: Fretting Over My First Vibrator
Mar22

The V-Spot: Fretting Over My First Vibrator

Hey Yana,I would like to buy either a dildo or vibrator for me but I have no experience on what to buy in terms of brand or what type for my first sex toy. What would you suggest to be the best sex toy to purchase to start with?— Fretting Over My First Vibrator Dear FOFV, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: You’ll never find a vibrator that everyone loves. Your vagina, your clitoris and your turn-ons are all as unique as tiny...

Read More
The V-Spot: Who Do I Choose?
Mar14

The V-Spot: Who Do I Choose?

Dear Yana, I’m a 61-year-old woman dating two men. One of them is a retired, 75-year-old secure man who knows who he is. The other is in his 50s and is still trying to figure it all out. Neither of them knows about the other one and live at a distance from each other. I just ended a 35 year marriage and don’t want to be in a committed relationship right now. I love parts of both of them and I love what both of them bring to the table....

Read More
The V-Spot: Straight Talk About the Butt
Mar08

The V-Spot: Straight Talk About the Butt

Hello Yana, I’ve been curious for a while about anal play while I’m pleasuring myself. I’ve heard it generates a more intense orgasm. I can take fingers, but I’d like to try something more (on the smaller side of course). Being a guy, is there a position or toy that will give me the best penetration while pleasuring myself? I’ve never reached out to anyone regarding this before. Being a straight guy, there’s not too many people you...

Read More
The V-Spot: Hide My Hickies!
Feb29

The V-Spot: Hide My Hickies!

Hey Yana, Tis I, LL [from previous column “‘Butch’ Lost in Labialand”]. I’m back with another problem. The advice you gave me last time worked out great. Opening the lines of communication between my partner and I really helped. However, my girlfriend and I have run into an issue: either she bruises really easily, or I need to settle down. There have been multiple instances of hickies in our endeavors together, and most of the time we...

Read More
V-Spot: A Dildo Built For Two
Feb24

V-Spot: A Dildo Built For Two

Hi Yana! My fiancée and I just realized that we have sex, sure, but we’ve never talked about what we really wanted in sex. Toys came up and we tried my Mini Rabbit vibrator and we love it. We’ve both tried strap-ons before and neither she nor I really like them, but we do like the thought of penetrating each other. I’ve Googled and Googled dual penetrating vibes, but I’m coming up with vaginal-and-anal instead of vaginal penetration...

Read More
The V-Spot: Is It Okay to Quit Sex?
Feb16

The V-Spot: Is It Okay to Quit Sex?

Hi Yana, I’m a relatively young woman who enjoyed an active, above-average sex life for my entire adult life, even after the birth of my first two children. However, I found that after my last son was born, my desire for sex suddenly vanished to the degree that I can say that I could be completely happy — and even possibly happier — if I never had another sexual encounter with a partner or even alone. This obviously poses an issue in...

Read More
The V-Spot: The Rules of Attraction
Feb08

The V-Spot: The Rules of Attraction

Yana, I’m a single hetero guy in my 60s. Since my divorce some years ago, I haven’t dated much. What I truly want is a loving, long-term relationship with a partner and to be a loving, giving partner in return. Here’s my problem: I’m short and not terribly good-looking (at least I don’t think so) and I realize that no matter how attractive a person’s character and values may be, or how fun they may be, if there isn’t at least a spark...

Read More
The V-Spot: Bugged About Body Hair
Feb03

The V-Spot: Bugged About Body Hair

Dear Yana, As of last year, I love my body hair. I especially like my pubic hair because I can style it, usually depending on my mood: totally unshaven, as a strip, but rarely fully shaven. However, I’ve noticed that when I have the chance to get intimate with someone, I shave both my lower legs and underarms and I tidy down below. I used to be more self-conscious of my body hair when seeing guys than I am now. Currently, I’m...

Read More
The V-Spot: I Love Anal, But It Hurts
Jan18

The V-Spot: I Love Anal, But It Hurts

Hi Yana, My boyfriend and I have recently started exploring anal play. We’re starting small with just his finger. We use plenty of lube and it goes in pretty easily and isn’t painful at all, but almost every time we’ve done anal play, I’ve bled the next day and been very sore. When I use soap down there it’s very painful! I can’t seem to figure it out. Any suggestions? — Boo-Hoo Booty Dear BHB, You’re off to a great start with your...

Read More
The V-Spot: My BF is Pushing for Polyamory
Jan11

The V-Spot: My BF is Pushing for Polyamory

Hi Yana, My partner and I have been together for five months. He wants to be polyamorous, specifically to have sex and be in relationships with other women. He recently got out of a long term relationship so he doesn’t really want to be in a serious relationship now, but we’ve grown to be close friends and more. We make each other very happy. I told him I would bring a third into our relationship, but he doesn’t want that. I’m not...

Read More
The V-Spot: Hooking Up Online
Jan04

The V-Spot: Hooking Up Online

Dear Yana, I’m seeking out dating websites that have individuals who are thoughtful and open to trying or having more casual sex, but also respect boundaries in sexual exploration. I don’t trust Craigslist, and I’m not really into OKCupid or Tinder. I would love some guidance as to finding nice people who are, to use a term that was in a recent article of yours, DTF (Down to Fuck), but have that FFR (Feelings For Real) deal going on...

Read More
The V-Spot: Dry-humping Better Than Sex
Dec28

The V-Spot: Dry-humping Better Than Sex

Hi Yana, I’m an 18-year-old girl with a sex question. I don’t orgasm during sex with a guy, but I usually do orgasm when we’re dry-humping. Do you have any advice about how sex could be made better for me? I still want to have sex to pleasure my partner, but it’s boring for me. Help me get over this hump! — Dry With My Guy Hi DMG, It sounds like your partner needs to learn where your clitoris is! You’re probably orgasming during...

Read More