The V-Spot: My Boyfriend Might Be Gay. Should I Care?
Feb20

The V-Spot: My Boyfriend Might Be Gay. Should I Care?

I recently began “dating” my best guy friend over this winter break. He’s told me that he was raised by a super religious mom and that when he was younger he “rebelled,” and experimented with other men, which he blamed on his homophobic upbringing. He told me he’s had sex with another man, but has since concluded that he was straight. I didn’t ask many questions other than, “So, do you think you’re gay?” to which he responded, “No,...

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The V-Spot: How to Have a Discussion about Self Lovin’
Feb13

The V-Spot: How to Have a Discussion about Self Lovin’

I’m a 19-year-old male college student. I just started to masturbate, but I don’t know how other people will react if I get into a relationship with them and tell them about this. I would like to know how to be fully comfortable with pleasuring myself as well as see how to bring up masturbation in a relationship. Thank you! — Seeking Masturbation without Hesitation I’m reading your question in two different ways: the first is “How do...

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The V-Spot: Open Sex, Closed Convos
Feb06

The V-Spot: Open Sex, Closed Convos

I’ve been in an on-again/off-again, oftentimes long-distance, relationship with my for-now ex-boyfriend for six years. Right now we have a “when we’re together, we’re together” arrangement and we’ve defined our relationship as open in the past. Well, things are shifting again and we’re thinking about moving toward being more seriously together, but still long-distance and open. If we decide to get back together, I’d like one of my...

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The V-Spot: Finding a Less-Intense Vibrator
Jan30

The V-Spot: Finding a Less-Intense Vibrator

Bad Vibes Dear Yana, I want a new vibrator. The problem is that my body is SO sensitive that even the first setting on all of them are way too intense for me. I could do it manually, but I’m lazy. Advice? — Vibrators Can Buzz Off Dear Buzz Off, First thing’s first: your body and how it experiences pleasure is never a problem! The various accoutrements available to us via the adult industry are there to enhance our pleasure and...

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The V-Spot: Like a Virgin
Jan23

The V-Spot: Like a Virgin

Dear Yana, I’m a 19-year-old girl who has never had sex. I want to sleep with my boyfriend, 23. He’s had sex before, but doesn’t know I’m a virgin. I don’t really want him to know I’m a virgin, but I know I’ll probably have to tell him. The only reason I haven’t told him is because everyone kind of assumes I’m not a virgin since everyone says I’m pretty. We’ve done other things, but never gone all the way. I’m excited about having sex...

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The V-Spot: How Do I Leave My Husband?
Jan16

The V-Spot: How Do I Leave My Husband?

Hi Yana, I’ve been with my husband for a decade. We married young and, in a lot of ways, he’s a great guy and right for me. But I still want to leave. I did leave once a few years ago and he put me on a major guilt trip until I came home. Things have been better, but I’m still not happy. I feel completely obligated to him because he has no friends and I’m his whole world. I know me leaving would devastate him, but I also know I can’t...

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The V-Spot: I Told My Boyfriend I’d Try Monogamy, But …
Jan09

The V-Spot: I Told My Boyfriend I’d Try Monogamy, But …

Hi Yana, I’m in a relationship with someone who I really love and we’ve been together for three-ish months. Before we started dating he knew I wasn’t a huge fan of monogamy, but I agreed I would try and now I’m feeling trapped. He’s so important to me and I don’t want to lose him. I guess I don’t know how to talk to him about it because I want to be in an open relationship, but I’m worried he will get super mad. Help! — Oh No, I’m...

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The V-Spot: The Fast and the Curious
Jan03

The V-Spot: The Fast and the Curious

Sometimes, when I’m in the mood to masturbate, I enjoy watching porn. The problem is when I do, it literally takes me no time to orgasm. Yesterday, I was feeling in the mood to enjoy myself. So, I started browsing some videos. I barely started touching myself and felt the urge to orgasm in a matter of seconds. I stopped and tried to calm myself down, but it was too late. My body responded even without the stimulation I’m a female in a...

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The V-Spot: Seeking Sex-Positive Ed for My Niece
Dec27

The V-Spot: Seeking Sex-Positive Ed for My Niece

Hey Yana, Over Thanksgiving I spent some time with my awesome 18-year-old niece. I’m in need of your wisdom about a situation I’m trying to wrap my 30-year-old, feminist, protective brain around. My niece lives in a small town, far from her friends, and has been dealing with some depression. She told me that she’s been driving to meet up and have sex with dudes from Tinder. There have been at least two. I think...

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The V-Spot: My Guy Shoots the Moon Too Soon
Dec19

The V-Spot: My Guy Shoots the Moon Too Soon

Hi, Yana! I’m a 22-year-old woman in a hetero relationship with a guy I’ve been seeing for almost a year. We have a loving and communicative sex life, but are perplexed by a persisting issue! When we are fooling around, he occasionally ejaculates early and/or unexpectedly. He says it still feels like a full orgasm, but sometimes doesn’t even feel that good. We’ve had a hard time identifying when and why it...

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The V-Spot: My BF Hangs with my Ex-BFF
Dec12

The V-Spot: My BF Hangs with my Ex-BFF

Hi Yana, I used to have a very toxic friendship with one of my female friends. She always made jokes at my expense, was very judgemental, temperamental, and didn’t show me much respect. I cut off ties with her, but she and my boyfriend of over two years are still friends. I don’t tell my boyfriend not to see her or contact her, because that would be toxic, but it does make me very uncomfortable for them to hang out...

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The V-Spot: Our Post-Abortion Sex Life
Dec05

The V-Spot: Our Post-Abortion Sex Life

I got pregnant this past summer after my birth control failed — I got to be part of that lucky 0.04 percent of IUD users who this happens to. I got the pregnancy terminated and all is well. Or, I guess mostly well. The issue is my partner and I have both been having some anxiety about having sex after what happened. Having an abortion was 10,000-percent the right decision, but, of course, dealing with an unplanned pregnancy was a...

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The V-Spot: I’m a Queer Woman in a Hetero Marriage
Nov28

The V-Spot: I’m a Queer Woman in a Hetero Marriage

I’ve been thinking about writing to you for a long time. My husband and I are about to celebrate 11 years as a couple and we’ve been married for six. It’s been amazing and so much fun to spend all of this time on planet Earth with such a soul-mate dreamboat of a life partner. And also: I just keep wanting to hook up with other people. Five years ago, I hooked up with someone. And then I hooked up with someone else a couple years...

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The V-Spot: Are We Ready for a Threesome?
Nov21

The V-Spot: Are We Ready for a Threesome?

Me and my boyfriend of two years are looking to have a threesome. We are wanting to try it with a female, and a male. We are wanting to do this to enhance our sex life, and are not looking to add anyone into our relationship. We are both very open and honest with each other and think this would be a lot of fun for both of us. But we both have a little tinge of fear of it complicating our relationship. I’ve heard it a million times:...

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The V-Spot: How Do I Get Better At Poly?
Nov14

The V-Spot: How Do I Get Better At Poly?

Hi Yana, I heard you on Dawn Serra’s podcast Sex Gets Real and really appreciated what you had to say about personal boundaries in new polyamorous relationships. I’m a straight guy and my wife just started sleeping with another woman a couple of months ago. I thought I would be fine with it, but then when they started having real feelings for each other I got super jealous and asked my wife to stop seeing her. Now my wife is really...

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The V-Spot: Staying Sexy in Our 60s
Nov07

The V-Spot: Staying Sexy in Our 60s

Hi Yana, I am a 66-year-old man who is in love, and in a new relationship, with a very sexually active 60-year-old woman. I have come to the conclusion that I could use some help in fulfilling her sexual needs. Can you recommend any particular vibrators and/or other toys? Also, where can I purchase them? — Fell in love after all these years Hurray for thriving sex drives after 60! Our youth- and sex-obsessed culture does a great job...

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The V-Spot: My Man’s Got Herpes; Now What?
Oct31

The V-Spot: My Man’s Got Herpes; Now What?

I’ve recently begun a relationship with a man who has herpes. It’s unclear if it’s HSV-1 or -2 or both. He has scheduled an appointment with his doctor. I’ve been tested and am negative for that, hepatitis, and all other STDs. It’s important for me to know all the types of physical and sexual contact that do and don’t have a high herpes transmission possibility. His hands, feet, chest? Interested in ideas and where they fall on a...

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The V-Spot: My BF Is About to Leave Me; What Do I Do?
Oct24

The V-Spot: My BF Is About to Leave Me; What Do I Do?

Hi Yana! My boyfriend and I are approaching our four year anniversary. He recently called me and asked if he could vent to me about what he’s been feeling. He got diagnosed with anxiety and depression this past summer, but stopped going to therapy when he went back to school; so, I was glad he wanted to talk to me. He told me that he didn’t know if he was in our relationship because he loves me or if he is just trying to keep me...

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The V-Spot: Let’s Do Munch!
Oct17

The V-Spot: Let’s Do Munch!

Hey Yana, I am totally new to BDSM [bondage and discipline/sadism and maso- chism]. Someone told me about a “munch” happening locally tomorrow night. They found it through the FetLife website and suggested I go. Do you know anything about these “munch” meetups? How safe are they? I am Northampton based, looking to connect with other BDSM folks. Do you have any suggestions on how else I can do this? — Curious Munchkin   A “munch”...

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The V-Spot: Help! I’ve DepoShot my Libido in the Foot
Oct10

The V-Spot: Help! I’ve DepoShot my Libido in the Foot

Hi Yana, I’ve been on the Depo shot for two months now and I have no sex drive. No desire whatsoever. I Googled it and it’s normal for women on the shot to feel this way. Do you have any tips or sex hacks to help me and my BF out? I’m sure he’s tired of coming home to me not wanting to do it. – Feelin’ Low on the Depo   Dear Feelin’ Low, There are a number of reasons why you may be experiencing this noted side effect of the...

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The V-Spot: I’m Dating Three Women; Does That Make Me Polyamorous?
Sep26

The V-Spot: I’m Dating Three Women; Does That Make Me Polyamorous?

I’m a 38 yo male currently involved with three women. One is a long distance relationship. We met at a concert and had one night together and stayed in touch. We speak regularly on various chat and texts. Two is a nonsexual relationship. She spends the night and we spoon. We have some common interests, but that’s it. And Three I met on an online dating site. We go out and have sex once or twice a week. On one hand I feel like...

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The V-Spot: SOS! I’m Spaced Out During Sex
Oct03

The V-Spot: SOS! I’m Spaced Out During Sex

Yana, I need your expertise! I’m a 19-year-old guy in a hetero relationship. I was pleasuring my partner last night and I realized I stopped being present and could not become present again. She picked up on it and, well, I really wanted to be present for it but I seemed to be stuck in my head, which didn’t make her feel good and wanted. Do you know how I can become more present while sexually active? — Spaced Out Sexually There...

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The V-Spot: I’ve Had Enough With Vaginismus
Sep19

The V-Spot: I’ve Had Enough With Vaginismus

Editor’s Note: Sexual trauma addressed in this week’s column. Hi Yana, I really appreciate your column and the work that you do. I have a really embarrassing sex problem. I was sexually abused throughout various parts of my life, starting in my childhood and going into my twenties. I have vaginismus, but with therapy and dilation, it’s slowly but surely gotten better. I’m seeing someone new who I really like, and the...

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The V-Spot: My 2-Minute Orgasm
Sep12

The V-Spot: My 2-Minute Orgasm

So, I was masturbating last night and set a timer. It took me under two minutes to orgasm. However, when someone else in involved, it takes forever or doesn’t happen at all. I can count the times it’s happened on two hands. Every time I masturbate it’s like clockwork, and I wish I could experience that with a partner! I’ve heard from various ladies and witnessed firsthand that orgasming seems easier for them with...

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The V-Spot: Consent, It’s Not Just for Students
Sep06

The V-Spot: Consent, It’s Not Just for Students

Thankfully, consent is becoming a big topic on college campuses. However, most conversations about consent overfocus on the damaging outcomes of the failure to ask for consent rather than engaging students in learning the benefits of ongoing conversations about consent and sexual pleasure. Many campuses are offering too little too late, after-the-fact rather than ahead-of-the-act. But really, everyone can benefit from practicing...

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The V-Spot: Help! My Boyfriend Hates My Vagina
Aug29

The V-Spot: Help! My Boyfriend Hates My Vagina

Hi Yana, I’m a straight 20-something lady and have been with my boyfriend for two years. We have a great sex life and we’re totally in love! He doesn’t seem to have much of an interest in my vagina — and my vagina, in my mind, is kinda the main thing that makes me a female sexual being. He likes my breasts and loves my butt, but he (literally) never goes down on me and I get the feeling that he only fingers me...

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The V-Spot: My Sexual ‘A’ is Not a Scarlet Letter
Aug22

The V-Spot: My Sexual ‘A’ is Not a Scarlet Letter

Dear Yana, I was recently discussing your column with some new friends I met through Pioneer Valley Aces, a local group of individuals who identify as aromantic and/or asexual. I wasn’t the only one of us who appreciated your witty way of reassuring those who write in that their sexuality is OK. However, as a 39-year-old woman who has never had all that much interest in having romantic relationships or being sexually active, I...

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The V-Spot: Women (and Men), Do Your Kegels
Aug08

The V-Spot: Women (and Men), Do Your Kegels

Hi Yana, I’m a young undergraduate student and yet I’ve been having issues with bladder control. I’ve been wanting to explore doing more Kegels and have heard of these kegel balls you can get. Do you know anything about that? I want to get a good brand/the right material because, obviously, it’s going in my vagina. — Kegel Kid Hi KK, I’m sorry to hear that your bladder isn’t doing what you need it to do — that sounds...

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The V-Spot: New Pornographer Interested in Sex Ed
Aug15

The V-Spot: New Pornographer Interested in Sex Ed

Hi Yana! I saw your TEDx talk in Vienna and was copiously taking notes. The content was an eye-opener for me. I had never thought that both of our basic information sources about sex [school-sanctioned sex education and online pornography] are running their very own twisted agenda. I started working in the porn industry six weeks ago — hey, the money is fantastic! — and my consumption of porn has gone way up as a side effect....

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The V-Spot: Three-Way Nookie Rookie Needs Advice
Jul25

The V-Spot: Three-Way Nookie Rookie Needs Advice

Hey, Yana, I’m a queer lady in my mid-20s and I’ve been with my boyfriend for about four years now. We’ve got an awesome hot and freaky sex life and we’re on the brink of our very first threesome with another girl. We’re both really excited that this is happening, but we’re wondering about threesome etiquette. How do we get things started? How do you be a good threesome host? What are some rules we should set? — Threeway Nookie Rookie...

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The V-Spot: Husband Seeking Female-Friendly Sex-ed
Jul19

The V-Spot: Husband Seeking Female-Friendly Sex-ed

Hi Yana, My wife is interested in exploring her sexuality a little further — things she might be interested in trying, etc. — but is hoping to do so in a way that is female- and feminist-friendly. Do you have any suggestions for things she can do or read either individually or with me? — Helpful Husband Hello HH, My favorite kind of husband is the one willing to lend a helping hand to his partner’s continued sexual exploration —...

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The V-Spot: Babe Needs to Break Up
Jul11

The V-Spot: Babe Needs to Break Up

Dear Yana, I want to break up with my boyfriend of a few years. As we both near 30 I’m getting clearer that he’s just not the guy for me. But here’s the thing: We live together. We have a lease together. We share a car and a cat and just have so many logistical ties to each other that I’m having a really hard time figuring out a way to break up with him that makes everything as easy as possible. I know that in the end we’re going to...

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The V-Spot: Double the Pleasure: Synced Orgasms
Jul05

The V-Spot: Double the Pleasure: Synced Orgasms

Hi Yana, I recently attended one of your workshops about the G-spot and it worked! My partner and I went home that night and I squirted. But it’s so strange because when I squirt it doesn’t happen as I climax. It isn’t like a climactic orgasm. It just feels crazy good and then I squirt. We were wondering if we could time it so that I could have the clitoral climax at the same time that I squirt? — Star Squirting Student Dear SSS, Holy...

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The V-Spot: Jealous Over My Flirty Girlfriend
Jun20

The V-Spot: Jealous Over My Flirty Girlfriend

Dear Yana, My girlfriend and I have been polyamorous for three years. We have established boundaries and as far as poly relationships go, it’s been pretty smooth sailing. Usually I’m a very low-jealousy partner. But lately she’s been flirting with this one woman that I think she wants to date and it feels like all of my normal jealousy strategies have evaporated. I can’t stand how it makes me feel and lately we’ve been arguing a lot...

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The V-Spot: Why Can’t I Have Sex Without Drinking?
Jun14

The V-Spot: Why Can’t I Have Sex Without Drinking?

Editor’s Note: Sexual trauma is addressed in this week’s column. Hi Yana, I can’t seem to want to have sex unless I’m drunk. This has always kind of been the case, except for when I was a teenager, and horny all the time (and not drinking). Then when I got to college, there were many instances where all my friends would be going on about how much they “needed” sex, and I could never relate. It was only when I...

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