Welcome to My Universe

For my inaugural blog post, I’ve decided to refer you, my almost certainly nonexistent readers, to my latest column, "Pomegra-Nation," in which I explain how it is that the pomegranate, very recently a fruit celebrated almost exclusively by swarthy people and hippies, has become the hippest fruit in the land. A taste of my pomegranatine brilliance: As to why Starbucks, Nantucket Nectars and others are hopping on board...

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I'm a bad feminist, I think

I happened by alternet.org yesterday and was forced to confront, once again, what I like to call the Amy Goodman Conundrum — named after the intrepid but unfortunately dowdy host of Democracy Now!. In truth, it’s only a conundrum for the small class of otherwise left-leaning people who think it’s a great deal of fun to brutally critique the aesthetic of left-wing activists. Yes, I know that Amy G. (as she was known...

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The Beta Test Post

Welcome beta-testers, You are the proud, the few, the exclusive coterie of friends and associates of The Dexter (as I’ll henceforth be known) who’ve been given the rare opportunity to beta-test my new blog (pardon me, "The Dexter’s new blog"). There isn’t too much to work with so far, but The Dexter would encourage you to travel back in time to The Dexter’s first two posts — the...

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I'm a bad white man, I think

Take a tour with me of Salon.com?s four-part viral video festival of the ridiculosity of Cynthia McKinney, the soon to be ex-congresswoman from Georgia?s fourth congressional district (the fightin? fourth, as my good friend Steve Colbert would say). After it?s over, we?ll reconnoiter to consider the implications of making fun of obnoxious, narcissistic black women when they’re annoying in ways that have...

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I'm not entirely clear on why the caged bird sings

Following up on yesterday’s post, in which I mused on the moral-political implications of making fun of Cynthia McKinney, the black-female-congresswoman-who-shall-not-be-asked-for-identification, I offer this passage from ?Saint Maya,? John McWhorter?s review of a memoir by Maya Angelou (pictured left). McWhorter, I should note, has made something of a career of being the black guy who makes white people feel less guilty for the...

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Re-Publishing Myself, To Great Acclaim

In case you missed the print edition, here’s my most recent column. It’s pretty brilliant, though not quite as brilliant as the time I was doing Jager shots with Elton John and he improv-ed a version of Candle in the Wind that was all about me. It seems to me you live your life like a Dexter in the wind. Never knowing what to turn to when the sitcom ends. Now that was brilliant. This is good too. RECONSIDERING MEL...

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Gay Porn in Israel, Or, Suck On This, Hezbollah

A fan of the show forwarded me this note in response to my aside about the handsomeness of Israeli soldiers: A star of gay pornographic films is traveling to Israel to entertain the troops and shoot two films, RAW STORY has learned. Michael Lucas, head of Lucas Entertainment, is planning to give troops free admission to a live sex show in Tel Aviv. It will be his third appearance there. "I toured Israel before with Rob Ramos...

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I'm Feeling Blue

The Dexter’s feelin’ blue today. Too much to do, and too little energy to do it. It’s sort of a Catch 22, or a self-fulfilling prophecy, or a vicious shame cycle, or some combination of all of those things– 22 vicious self-fullfilling shame prophecies caught in a cycle. So what, in my depleted state, can I offer you, my non-existent readership? Well, my latest column, "Primary...

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Project Runway: The Blog Post

I’ve been ruminating over whether or not to say anything further than what little I’ve already said about Project Runway, which was offered only by way of comparison to The Devil Wears Prada. I wrote: On a separate note, The Devil Wears Prada is also a celebration, as Project Runway is, of really fabulous clothes and of the people (like moi) who care passionately about them. Project Runway is more honest than Prada ,...

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Little Miss Sunshine Was a Solid B+

A few points about Little Miss Sunshine, which I saw, and very much enjoyed, last night: 1. I’m a sucker for any movie that builds to a climactic scene in which people dance to show their commitment to life and to eccentricity. Thus Little Miss Sunshine. Thus Napoleon Dynamite. Thus Footloose (the mother of all "we dance to show our commitment to life" movies). Barbershop had a great dance scene that was a variation of...

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About Last Night

In my last post, I lambasted the Village Voice for its review of Little Miss Sunshine and contrasted it to the excellent review written by Nathan Rabin and published in The Onion. After finishing the post, I was feelin’ good about my bad self, and I decided to re-post my post over at The Onion’s website, in the place where they let you comment on their articles. I assumed, naturally, that they’d read my...

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one more time, now with gusto

There’s been one more response, from the esteemed Mr. Noel Murray –friend and ally of the not-so-esteemed Jim Ridley — to my argument in defense of generalization and in opposition to the film criticism of the Village Voice. Sort of. Murray responds not to me but to one "Juan Borras, International Man of Mystery," who threw him one of the oldest softballs in the film critic-bashing book when he complained,...

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Croc Hunter Killed by Non-Crocodilian Animal

Wow, Steve Irwin the croc-hunter’s dead. I’m sad, in a way, because he was an appealing character, and here at DexterNation we’d rather not see anyone, especially the appealing, made dead by stringray attack. That said, I’m also amused, as I imagine everyone who’s not a friend or family member of the croc-hunter is. It’s just too funny not to be amused. I think it’s that I can actually hear...

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Pornography Sucks

Dear Dexter, I came across a story about a British “guerilla artist” who, tampered with 500 copies of Paris Hilton’s debut album across 48 record shops in the UK by replacing the CD with his own remixes featuring such titles as Why am I Famous?, What Have I Done? and What Am I For? as well as swapping out her picture on the CD sleeve with one of her topless and with a dog’s head. Are you the guerilla artist in...

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Redundantly Redundant

I’d like to note that my newest column, "Dressing Dexter," is now available on the newstands and on-line. Astute readers of the blog will notice that said column is actually a re-packaging of two separate blog posts from the past week or two. I would be ashamedof this recycling, but insofar as there are no astute readers of the blog — there being no actual readers of the blog [other than you, Mark R. — hi...

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Nancy Grace is the Devil, but still…

Dear Dexter, Do you think Nancy Grace should be held responsible for the suicide of that woman who killed herself after getting grilled on her show? And if so, how responsible? I don’t think you can get sent to jail for being so mean to someone that they kill themselves, so what’s the proper punishment, if there should be a punishment? –Horrified in Easthampton Dear Ho, First, we need to establish the fact pattern,...

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Hello My New Friends

I feel like a blushing bride, what with the new website and all, and that come-hither banner ad featuring my soulful eyes inviting you to step into my room. Wait, am I the blushing bride, or the come-hitherite, or what? Oh, I’m so confused. I feel virginal and dirty at the same time, which is a strange, pleasant, fresh from a dandruff shampoo-ing kind of feeling. I suppose I should introduce my blog-self, which, if you’re...

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The Rock Rocks

Here’s a question I’ll try to get around to answering if I can make it to the movie. Dear Dexter, I just saw the Gridiron Gang last night, and I have a question. Am I being disloyal to the white race because I really enjoyed it when the black kids kicked the asses (metaphorically speaking) of the white kids in the final game of the season? Not that I feel like I should root for the white kids over the black kids, but...

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Kinky Starting to Look Hinky

Let it be said, in my defense, that when asked whether or not I’d be voting for Kinky Friedman for governor of Texas, I said no. I can’t access the Valley Advocate online archives at the moment, but I was, I assure you, asked such a question, and I did say that I wouldn’t be voting for Kinky. He seemed charming, I said, but I’d learned my lesson with Arnold Schwarzenegger that while it’s amusing to elect...

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Not your space, MySpace

For those of you who want a different kind of access to me, feel free to visit my MySpace page at myspace.com/deardexter. Alternatively, I’m accessible by email at DearDexter@gmail.com or TheWeasel@gmail.com.

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Nathan Rabin, Critic to Watch

Nathan Rabin, who I commended a week or two ago for his review of Little Miss Sunshine, has a glorious post over at The Onion’s A/V Club blog alleging that Tupac Shakur is either the most over-rated rapper ever, or the second most over-rated. He writes: 2Pac reigns unchallenged as rap’s preeminent martyr, easily beating friend-turned-rival Notorious B.I.G, an infinitely better rapper and writer but a far less irresistible...

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Tricks of the Pop Culturist Trade

In my continuing efforts to better serve my readers, I’m inaugurating a "Tricks of the Pop Culturist Trade" series, in which I endeavor to demystify the art of pop cultural criticism by revealing one or another of my writing tricks. Today’s example is the "[Blank]-[Who/That/Which]-Must- Not-Be-Named" construction, in which the cultural critic gets to seem mass culture-savvy, appealingly goofy, and...

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I, Woodward

I’d like to direct you, my dear, dyspeptic readers, to the video of Mike Wallace’s interview with Bob Woodward, author of State of Denial, on last week’s 60 Minutes. In it you’ll find confirmation of everything you already knew about the Bush administration and its world-historically brilliant political strategy, in which lying, incompetence, corruption, denial and stupidity are aimed at each other with such...

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Fugging the Fug

I’m pretty sure that I’ve addressed GoFugYourself.com, and the myriad issues surrounding it, at this blog and/or column before, but I found myself, today, wanting to say something further about the site, which "fugs"–i.e. rags on–celebrities for dressing badly. Simple idea, of course — People Magazine and its imitators have been doing "worst dressed" lists for eons — but the two...

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House of Carters brings the pain

I just sent in a short Q&A on the House of Carters, the new reality show from E! that reality-fies the lives of Backstreet Boy Nick Carter and his four siblings as they live together in one house for the first time in a long time. You’ll get my brief take on the show, and the family, in next week’s paper, but here’s a nice post I found with the help of Google’s neat-o blog search engine. It’s from...

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The Queen (you know, the English one)

There’s a popular critique — which is to say I read this once and it stuck in my mind; can’t remember where it was, though — of New Yorker film critic Anthony Lane that says that, although he’s a wonderful writer, there’s something unserious about him. He never seems to care enough about the film’s he critiquing, either in his praise or in his condemnation. In one sense, this is a stupid...

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Powers on Lane

John Powers, one of the best cultural critics working, has a nice passage on Anthony Lane that captures the essence of the "popular critique" of Lane that I described in my last post. I wrote, "although he’s a wonderful writer, there’s something unserious about him. He never seems to care enough about the film’s he critiquing, either in his praise or in his condemnation." Powers, who writes a...

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Wolcott goes Medieval

Vanity Fair critic James Wolcott looks more than a bit like Droopy Dog, the jowly, slow-moving dog who was quietly capable of great feats of strength and cunning, who Wikipedia describes like so: What made the character even more hilarious is his incredible strength, given his dimunitive stature and unassuming looks and personality, but only when he was upset, and then he would monotone, "You know what? That makes me mad."...

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Me Smart, You Stupid

According to this article, which cites a very important study, “The Daily Show is much funnier than traditional newscasts, but a new study from Indiana University says it has the same amount of meat on its bones when it comes to coverage of the news.” I don’t find this very interesting – obviously The Daily Show is as good, or better, at presenting the news than the nightly news – but it’s nice to...

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Oh Rushie

I see that Rush Limbaugh is “in hot water” (as the kids say) because he accused Michael J. Fox of overdoing the Parkinson’s bob and weave in an advertisement Fox cut for the Democrat running for senate in Missouri (or Missour-ah, as Fox, a Canadian-born fellow, pronounced it, subtly tipping his hat to Missour-ah-ans). Fox was, said Limbaugh, “either off his medication or acting.” You know how the rest of...

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Gone But Not Forever

Some of you may have noticed my recent absence from these virtual pages. I apologize for that. My spiritual advisor has suggested that I abstain from virtual interaction for a period of no less than 60 days, and perhaps, if my evoluton doesn’t progress as quickly as we hope, for longer. That’s to say that I won’t be posting anything for a while, but I plan to return. The management thanks you for your patience....

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Bye for the moment

As MacArthur said to the Philippines, I shall return. Not to the Philippines though. To this site.

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He Returns

[This is an advance copy of the note that will appear in this week’s paper in lieu of my column] Dear Readers, As of this week, I’m dissolving my corporeal body and uploading my consciousness to a system—comprised of linked together “computers”— known as “the Internet.” Don’t worry, though. You can still access me (that sounds kinda dirty, doesn’t it) through a specially...

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The Chronicles of Dexteria and Why Is that Circle on Jessica Alba's Hip so Hot

THE PRESENT I was recently perusing The Superficial, my favorite of the celebrity gossip websites, and I came across this picture of Jessica Alba in a bikini, and I thought to myself, "Dexter, obviously you’re attracted to Jessica Alba in a bikini because she’s beautiful, and scantily clad, but your attraction also seems to be amplified by that ring that connects the front and back of the bikini at her waist. Why is...

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The Ouch Note and Stranger Than Fiction

I saw Stranger Than Fiction last week. It was a low-key movie, but really nice. It reminded me of the films by the Kasdans that I’ve liked – Zero Effect and Orange County by the son, Jake, and Mumford by the dad Lawrence. There’s a certain shared sensibility. John Walsh’s movies – Ed’s Next Move and Pipe Dream – have it too. They’re all comedies for adults. And Maggie Gyllenhall – yum....

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