Standing In The Shadows
Learning to Listen (Better)
Sometimes, my listening skills seem so lacking, as Remy—my ultra-sensitive, ultra-enthusiastic, cranky, sometime perfectionist artist boy—showed me this week. Remy’s a bright-eyed, and extremely bright boy. On the kickball field, he’ll play...Martin, Rosa, Barack, & the Rest of Us
At my kids’ elementary school, every January attention turns to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. The school, quite obviously, is not unique in this, although Lucien, my sixth grader assures me that every school across the country does what his school does, and...Moody Morning
Would you believe me if I told you this is true? Around 7:35 this morning, I asked eldest child, Ezekiel, to wake his middle two brothers, because it was late and I was making breakfasts and lunches and he, Ezekiel, was awaiting one of those breakfasts (I don’t...Helping Hands
Just before Christmas, my friend, Marian, was really ill. Hearing that she was feeling worse one night, I emailed her; my message basically implored her to call her doctor right then. She ended up in the ER and was admitted that night (she’s fine, now). As a...Crocus Spears Needed
It’s Sunday morning and I’m wrestling hard with this week, during which the themes that seemed to emerge—insistent, like crocus spears through cold ground—were about being caught up in harsh environments. It’s Sunday morning and the...Messages About Beauty
For the most part, People Magazine’s a breezy read. I’m a longtime subscriber and I keep my copy where it belongs—in the bathroom. Amongst the things my People habit have done for me are to maintain one area of go-to knowledge for my dear...Lo & Behold
That old adage about New England weather—blink and it changes, or something along those lines—really proved itself true this week. Monday, we walked to school through nearly torrential rain (had it been snow, whoa baby). The rain, coming at the end of...Unexpected
Maybe it’d sound a little less lowbrow to say that I decided to watch the new television show, Life Unexpected, because I wanted to write about it. The basic plotline is this: nearly sixteen year-old girl tries to get emancipated from the foster care system...Some Tenets of Healthy Democracies
All I could think after hearing journalist John Nichols and economist Robert McChesney—the pair are on a book tour that included a stop at the University of Massachusetts—describe the peril of journalism’s infrastructure was this: our country has...Happy Birthday
Two years ago, early morning, our daughter was born. We’d spirited ourselves to St. Vincent’s Hospital in Worcester, because her mom (first/birth/mom) was in labor there. All births are surreal in some sense, and super-real in another. What science fiction...A Call for Stories
At the core of my belief system is an outsized faith in the power of stories. I say outsized only because it sounds grandiose to say that I’m hanging my hat on stories. Stories are so ephemeral, so intangible. Surely, I could come up with something more solid....Blanket Problem
It does not seem that a little thing like a blanket should set me reeling. Yet, there I was reading about American Airlines charging people eight bucks to use a blanket on the airplane (oh, they toss in a pillow, too) and I found myself spiraling into a little eddy of...Valentine Making
I can’t think of very much more winning, in my experience, than being around an industrious young child—this week, it’s been my first grader, Remy—making Valentine’s. Making is kind of a partial description because, really, he’s...Hearts & Valentines
What really could be a nicer way to get into the Valentine’s spirit (by which I do not mean anything to do with Hallmark, more so a chance to draw hearts—fun—and remember that you love who you love) than to co-officiate a wedding? I’ve...Career Counseling for Evan Bayh
Let me try to keep to my inside voice. Evan Bayh announced his retirement from the Senate, rather than seeking a third term he was pretty much assured of securing and doing so days before the deadline to submit signatures to run and despite the pleading of Harry Reid,...Kids, Gardens & Michelle Obama in the Fast Food Culture
What’s not to love about the White House Garden? It’s easy to forget what President Obama came into office burdened by—the economy that had just lost a floor, two wars, surging unemployment, torture and on—and how the culture of the White...Beyond Gold
Thursday evening, I probably reached the pinnacle of my personal 2010 Winter Olympics fever. I mean, so many stories wowed me by then: speed skater Shani Davis winning gold—if you didn’t know this before, he is the first African American to win Winter...C-Section Explosion
Here’s one of those headlines that can get everyone going: C-Section Rates Around the Globe at ‘Epidemic’ Proportions. According to the British medical journal The Lancet, a World Health Organization study on cesarean rates in Asia found...Of Blanket Cake & Friends
Having raised a book-obsessed little boy (whose fondest wish was to be Alice in Wonderland and to wear a flower girl dress in a wedding and who never once cared about a car, truck or even train) followed by two brothers with transportation and construction love, mixed...Bell Ringing
This past week was our school’s sixth grade talent show. The talent show is just one of a few annual performance traditions in the school (others include the Thanksgiving assembly, the fifth grade play, and a residency with artists Nikki Hu and Guy Van Duser...Forever, Fleeting
You know that old adage about parenting: that it goes by very quickly but the days can feel so long? The person who first offered up that observation should not have been anonymous. She or he should have received all the adoring accolades available, because really, I...A Question of Success/Process
At the risk of beginning with an apology (there you have it), Standing in the Shadows isn’t an anything blog. My friends, Sarah Hoffman and Bedford Hope (Accepting Dad) write about raising pink boys in their blogs, and while I, too, raised a pretty pink boy and...Can't Say You Can't Play
One of the mantras at work in first grade is this: You can’t say you can’t play. There is oh-so-much work that goes into making those six words come true! As I said, mantra, or perhaps more fittingly blueprint, they tell us how to act—you must...Sap Season
I’ve lived in New England a really long time, more seasons than anyplace else. I’m not sure exactly why, but I treasure spring more each year. It’s as if this turn toward the sun, the warmth, the flow of water and sap and the initiation of green...Two Days, Two Children & One Parent
A couple of days ago, dear husband took off with the two older kids on a huge (huger than expected) adventure on a tight budget. Backing up briefly, the eldest child’s love of Greek myths spurred the travel-loving hubby to envision taking that child to Greece....Privilege/Perspective
As the world of writing about oneself goes—be it memoir or blog or personal essay or even fiction very close to home—part of people’s response is to you, not just writer but person. There are nearly countless ways to push buttons (some of them, I...Who Knew?
On a cool, overcast morning in Florida, an expedition to see manatees being fed at the Parker Manatee Aquarium seemed like a good idea. Our destination: the complex in Bradenton Beach that holds small aquarium, which is mainly a holding spot for roughly three manatees...Why Legacies Deserve Transparency
Just last month, my son was in the midst of the first grade’s big Great Changer project. Each child worked from a picture book about his or her changer in order to write a poem about the person and create a portrait (their gorgeous creations of poem-plus-artwork...Different, Same, & Not Quite Universal–Gravity, Motherhood, Parenthhood
The stories woven together in the premiere production (at Hartford Stage) of Motherhood Out Loud—co-written by fourteen playwrights, co-conceived by Susan Rose and Joan Stein and directed by Lisa Peterson—tell us many truths about motherhood and perhaps...Health Care Reform (Quote/Unquote)
As I watched and listened to the process I was being told to view as “history being made” and the “defining moment of Obama’s presidency,” I found myself feeling hollow. I am not so much a skeptic—pinky-swear—yet, yet the...Opening the Box
This morning, Saskia wanted to close the cereal box. As I tried to subtly help her, she said, “I do it myself. I don’t do it yourself.” Translation: Back off, mama (more direct command often heard from Saskia is this: Go away-way!). I did what many...March Rains
There’s a kind of Murphy’s Law quality to a Monday morning that begins with keeping three (out of four) kids home sick. What was the point of the week starting save but to taunt you? Did I mention that it was pouring? And that it was a cold March rain, not...Talking Open Adoption (in a College Class)
I haven’t talked about our adoption all the much. I mean, in public. I’ve discussed it plenty with friends and families and strangers on the playground and friends of friends considering adoption. I hadn’t gone in front of a group, though, and told...Enchanted Evening, Ms. Truth (& a Bit About Volunteering)
Around here (other places, too, I’m sure) is a fundraising model that’s become quite popular. It goes like this: throw a big event for free (get sponsors to underwrite costs), bring a lot of people—new friends and old, invited by a large group of...Remembering
Over the years (of long winters) living in New England, spring has become my favorite season. We’ve had a couple of springs in recent years that have kind of hovered, cool springs, springs that preserved the relatively early flowers for longer than usual. I...Super Superstar
I was trying to think about how to start this. Attempt number one: If you happen to have seen the trailer for PACE’s production of Jesus Christ Superstar, you’d be anticipating a pretty amazing show before stepping foot into Northampton’s Academy of...Why We Tell
As I lay awake after the very powerful (as ever) Breaking Silences: Speak Out on Abortion that inaugurated the From Abortion Rights to Social Justice conference at Hampshire College I was thinking that there are nearly as many ways to think and write about...Blogging & (Virtually) Bowling for Access
I spent a couple of years as an abortion counselor, first at the Elizabeth Blackwell Health Care Center in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and then at the Amherst Medical Center, in Amherst, Massachusetts (both now closed). Although people might think this an unlikely...Listening & Hearing & Letting Go
Blanket statements, when it comes to children—and many other things, too—aren’t always helpful. My eldest guy struggled with pretty extreme constipation when he was small. He ate lots of fruits and veggies; he was healthy, yet he was plugged up. One...Expected, Unexpected
Certain rites of passage you expect to experience—and even enjoy. Take Friday, for example. The dear husband and I walked the few blocks to Northampton High School where we met with the gregarious guidance counselor to go over choices for our eldest son’s...Earth Day Week
These early bursts of warmth have acted as flower-bloom-speeder-uppers, and around us, New England presents a rather dizzying array of color and texture. On the days the temperature drops back seasonable for April—even chilly—I walk about even more dazed...Ode to the Postcard
Perhaps a little subset of correspondents—by which I mean, people who enjoy written communication—particularly favor postcards? If that’s the case, I’ve befriended a few such kindred spirits in my lifetime. And it’s hard for me to let an...Blog-o-versary
When you become a parent, there are certain things that everyone tells you will happen yet you might not have believed would be true in your case. Not surprisingly, many of these exact things turn out to be true. One, at least for me, is birthdays cease to matter (or...Love the One You Love
Sitting on the rusty red couch in our dining room the other morning, my seven year-old asked, “Who had the babies? I mean, how did L and J’s moms get the babies?” His twin friends have two younger brothers and two moms. Well, I answered after...Pro-Choice? Pro-Abortion.
I spent some of a cloudy Sunday afternoon walk thinking about whether to write another piece about abortion access, and how I am really, truly PRO-abortion not pro-choice. Earlier this month I participated in the National Network of Abortion Funds’ Bowl-a-thon...Kudos, MTV
What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open.” –Muriel Rukeyser** I will come right out and admit that I’ve become completely, utterly, hopelessly hooked by a pair of companion MTV series: 16 &...Love Letter to This Pride-filled Town
Let me begin with a little love letter to my town, Northampton, Massachusetts a couple of days after its 29th Pride March. This year’s was the largest ever, with estimates around 15,000. The other big civic event in our town each year is the Hot Chocolate Run to...What Do Feminist Toddlers Wear? The Bathing Suit Installment
While I know some people are opposed to any messages emblazoned on tots’ T’s—and there are some I abhor—I admit that when a friend sent Saskia the classic (classic, in some circles) This is What a Feminist Looks Like shirt, I could not wait for...Mother's Day III
Like many adoptive parents, not until I’d adopted a baby did I learn there’s such a thing as “Birthmother’s Day.” That day falls the day before Mother’s Day, the Saturday, and was designated a day to honor birthmothers. I learned...The Carrot Seed
Yesterday afternoon, I got a tummy ache, of the suddenly doubled over with cramps variety. I’d planned to work out (didn’t happen), roll on the floor (didn’t happen), have dinner with the kids (didn’t happen), put them to bed early (also...Start Talking, The Village, Obligatory Motherhood, Perfection
With full acknowledgement of many potential inherent contradictions contained here, I have always bridled at the notion that parenthood—and perhaps, because it’s more often treated this way, motherhood—is a job. Contradictions arise before the...Not Exactly Hindsight
I’m part of a somewhat quirky demographic these days. When four counts as pretty many children, and a twelve year-spread between eldest and youngest counts as a pretty big age span, I’ve started to see how—as is the case for every parent at every...A Nap, A New School, A Toddler, A Tween
Naptime has its inherent rituals. On the three afternoons Saskia’s been out for the morning at her most charming and perfect of preschools in the universe (Sunnyside Child Care Center—and believe me, I am not biased, I’m just telling the truth re:...Imagine the Pigeon at Commencement
Had I not had a third child, I might have missed the pleasure that is Mo WIllems’ Knuffle Bunny. I won’t even divulge the plot, nor the charming exclamations uttered by Trixie; I will say that the description of a young child’s meltdown—Trixie...Lulu
Dictionary: lu-lu (loo loo) any remarkable person or thing For whatever reason—as in, I have no idea—when I was pregnant with our second babe—gender unknown—we needed an in-utero nickname for her or him—him—and so we called the bump...Beautiful Boys
Beautiful Boy was the overly ambitious second book I took on vacation last year (the book itself wasn’t overly ambitious, the notion that I might read two books during one vacation with four kids was). During the post-school, pre-nap bottle with the toddler, I...The Child, The Brain, & The Voices
As I’ve written about before, the idea that really anything about motherhood is definitely universal is, I think, false. Or more nearly, it’s so close to possibly true that one’s inclination is to make it so. Over and over, though, the more you...Summer in Spring
Even though there seems to have been some spring summer confusion this glorious, often steamy May, what either season seems to agree upon is this: local food has arrived. Amidst the floral explosion this spring brought, the early green vegetables unearthed themselves...Disconnection
A bright, summery Memorial Day morning here in New England and I wake to birdsong, a messy kitchen, a sleeping household and a strong sadness at this very day’s disconnects. How can it be so beautiful when we are to remember the bravery of service people lost?...E-Edition
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