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Local sex columnist Yana Tallon-Hicks‘ written sexpertise uses humor and wit to treat our sexual hangups, growth and education as a natural, fun part of our everyday.

The V-Spot: My Sexual ‘A’ is Not a Scarlet Letter
Aug22

The V-Spot: My Sexual ‘A’ is Not a Scarlet Letter

Dear Yana,I was recently discussing your column with some new friends I met through Pioneer Valley Aces, a local group of individuals who identify as aromantic and/or asexual. I wasn’t the only one of us who appreciated your witty way of reassuring those who write in that their sexuality is OK.However, as a 39-year-old woman who has never had all that much interest in having romantic relationships or being sexually active, I...

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The V-Spot: Women (and Men), Do Your Kegels
Aug08

The V-Spot: Women (and Men), Do Your Kegels

Hi Yana,I’m a young undergraduate student and yet I’ve been having issues with bladder control. I’ve been wanting to explore doing more Kegels and have heard of these kegel balls you can get. Do you know anything about that? I want to get a good brand/the right material because, obviously, it’s going in my vagina.— Kegel Kid Hi KK, I’m sorry to hear that your bladder isn’t doing what you need it to do — that sounds...

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The V-Spot: New Pornographer Interested in Sex Ed
Aug15

The V-Spot: New Pornographer Interested in Sex Ed

Hi Yana!I saw your TEDx talk in Vienna and was copiously taking notes. The content was an eye-opener for me. I had never thought that both of our basic information sources about sex [school-sanctioned sex education and online pornography] are running their very own twisted agenda. I started working in the porn industry six weeks ago — hey, the money is fantastic! — and my consumption of porn has gone way up as a side effect. I’m...

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The V-Spot: Genderqueer, Breaking Binary
Aug01

The V-Spot: Genderqueer, Breaking Binary

Hello Yana! I’ve had a lot of difficulty telling partners that I’m genderqueer and that I use they/them pronouns. It definitely comes into play as soon as sex gets involved. Maybe part of what I’m asking is how can I and my partners break traditional gender norms in the bedroom? But I also want to know how I can discuss gender with partners who might be new to the concept that gender is a spectrum not a binary? — GQ Cutie Dear GQ...

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The V-Spot: Three-Way Nookie Rookie Needs Advice
Jul25

The V-Spot: Three-Way Nookie Rookie Needs Advice

Hey, Yana,I’m a queer lady in my mid-20s and I’ve been with my boyfriend for about four years now. We’ve got an awesome hot and freaky sex life and we’re on the brink of our very first threesome with another girl. We’re both really excited that this is happening, but we’re wondering about threesome etiquette. How do we get things started? How do you be a good threesome host? What are some rules we should set?— Threeway Nookie Rookie...

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The V-Spot: Husband Seeking Female-Friendly Sex-ed
Jul19

The V-Spot: Husband Seeking Female-Friendly Sex-ed

Hi Yana, My wife is interested in exploring her sexuality a little further — things she might be interested in trying, etc. — but is hoping to do so in a way that is female- and feminist-friendly. Do you have any suggestions for things she can do or read either individually or with me?— Helpful Husband Hello HH, My favorite kind of husband is the one willing to lend a helping hand to his partner’s continued sexual exploration —...

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The V-Spot: Babe Needs to Break Up
Jul11

The V-Spot: Babe Needs to Break Up

Dear Yana,I want to break up with my boyfriend of a few years. As we both near 30 I’m getting clearer that he’s just not the guy for me.But here’s the thing: We live together. We have a lease together. We share a car and a cat and just have so many logistical ties to each other that I’m having a really hard time figuring out a way to break up with him that makes everything as easy as possible. I know that in the end we’re going to...

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The V-Spot: Jealous Over My Flirty Girlfriend
Jun20

The V-Spot: Jealous Over My Flirty Girlfriend

Dear Yana,My girlfriend and I have been polyamorous for three years. We have established boundaries and as far as poly relationships go, it’s been pretty smooth sailing. Usually I’m a very low-jealousy partner.But lately she’s been flirting with this one woman that I think she wants to date and it feels like all of my normal jealousy strategies have evaporated. I can’t stand how it makes me feel and lately we’ve been arguing a lot...

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The V-Spot: Why Can’t I Have Sex Without Drinking?
Jun14

The V-Spot: Why Can’t I Have Sex Without Drinking?

Editor’s Note: Sexual trauma is addressed in this week’s column. Hi Yana, I can’t seem to want to have sex unless I’m drunk.This has always kind of been the case, except for when I was a teenager, and horny all the time (and not drinking). Then when I got to college, there were many instances where all my friends would be going on about how much they “needed” sex, and I could never relate. It was only when I...

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The V-Spot: I’m stuck in a cum-nundrum!
Jun06

The V-Spot: I’m stuck in a cum-nundrum!

Hi Yana, My partner (cis-male) and I (queer bisexual lady) enjoy getting super hot and bothered with each other, but we’re both frustrated with my seeming inability to orgasm. When we’re fooling around, just warming up, sometimes clitoral stimulation gets so intense that it’s painful, and we have to stop. When we move toward penetrative sex and I start feeling like I’m almost there — whatever...

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The V-Spot: How Can I Be Poly, With A Heart?
May31

The V-Spot: How Can I Be Poly, With A Heart?

Hi Yana,I’m in my early 30s and have been polyamorous for a couple of years. Not long ago my wife of 13 years and I split. Now I’m kind of going through a dating/poly crisis. I strongly identify as poly despite not really having a primary relationship. Here’s the rub: I don’t really have trouble meeting/sleeping with women. And I’m always very upfront and honest about being essentially unable to see myself in a...

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The V-Spot: My ‘Orgasm’
May23

The V-Spot: My ‘Orgasm’

Hello Yana, I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. We’re in our 20s, and he’s a few years older than me. There have been times when we’re intimate when he doesn’t provide me with oral sex. He’s never close to ejaculating while inside me. He only does so after I give him a blow job, and it’s not a lot of semen.Also, he puts his fingers inside me and does this thing to make me “orgasm,” which causes me...

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The V-Spot: How Do I Tell My Partners I’ve Got Herpes?
May16

The V-Spot: How Do I Tell My Partners I’ve Got Herpes?

Hi Yana, I’m 21 years young, genderqueer, very sexual, and polyamorous! I have a penis; I also have genital herpes. Is there a best time to tell a partner?If I have symptoms or have had them recently it’s not much of a conundrum because there’s no choice to be made [besides abstaining]. If I’m totally symptom-free for a period of time, I’ve been told having P-in-V [penis in vagina] while wearing a condom puts...

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The V-Spot: Seeking Seduction Instruction
May04

The V-Spot: Seeking Seduction Instruction

Hi Yana, My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Up until a couple of months ago, I was extremely satisfied with our sex life. He wanted me all the time and would initiate sex at least one to three times daily. Recently, we moved in together and it seems the spark has faded. We’re having sex less and I find myself left unwanted and horny. I know I can initiate sex myself, but I’m shy and don’t know what to do! I talked to...

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The V-Spot: We Never Talk, But I’d Like To
Apr25

The V-Spot: We Never Talk, But I’d Like To

I know you do sex advice, but I need some relationship advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about half a year and he shows zero emotion. I want to bring it up to him, but not in a way that will make him clam up more, ya know? Any advice would be awesome. Thanks!— Emote My Boat The longer I contemplate this question, the curiouser and curiouser I get about what the exact situation is here. Are you in love with this guy and...

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We Can Do It! V-Spot sex advice columnist Yana Tallon-Hicks has made it her mission to get us all to O-Town
Apr18

We Can Do It! V-Spot sex advice columnist Yana Tallon-Hicks has made it her mission to get us all to O-Town

Climbing the stairs to V-Spot sex columnist Yana Tallon-Hicks’ apartment, I wasn’t sure what to expect.Would there be a lot of framed Georgia O’Keefes on the wall? A swing hanging in the bedroom? Penis-shaped drinking glasses? I was sort of right.There are no vagina-esque flowers on the walls. Instead the neat apartment is awash in dark blue and decorated with vivid tattoo-inspired art. However, there is a giant vibrator drying next...

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The V-Spot: Oh! Oh! Oh? Where’s My Orgasm?
Apr18

The V-Spot: Oh! Oh! Oh? Where’s My Orgasm?

Hi Yana!I started having sex with males this past summer. It’s fun and exciting, but I’ve yet to reach an earth-shattering orgasm. That may be too high of an expectation for myself, but it feels like I’ve never had an orgasm at all. I feel the build up, but there’s no release. I think this may be contributing to my extremely low sex drive, because sex isn’t really beneficial for me. I really do want to be having more...

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The V-Spot: Help Me Teach My Kid About Consent
Apr12

The V-Spot: Help Me Teach My Kid About Consent

Hi Yana,I have a seven-year-old son and I want to start teaching him about consent. Do you have any resources and tools for me as a parent to help him learn about consent as a kid?— Proactive ParentDear PP,The brilliant Dutch sex education curriculum starts what they call “sexuality education” early and often for their students. Children as young as five years old start talking about respecting their own and others’ bodies and making...

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The V-Spot: Are Tasty Lubes Giving Me Tonsillitis?
Apr05

The V-Spot: Are Tasty Lubes Giving Me Tonsillitis?

Hi Yana,I have been using flavored lube for mostly oral, but recently this has been causing tonsillitis for me. I forgot to read the fine print, “Use within 3 months,” so now I must chuck out a full bottle (I hate wastage!). What brands of flavored lube would you recommend using to avoid wastage? What are the best brands to use? Also I live in Australia, so would it be okay to order it online if it’s not available in the...

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The V-Spot: I Want a (Not Too) Open Relationship
Mar29

The V-Spot: I Want a (Not Too) Open Relationship

Hi Yana!I’m a lady in a happy, healthy, committed relationship with a man. We have a good sex life but my sex drive is much higher than his. I’m also really into girls and have wanted to ask him for a long time how he would feel if I was Friends With Benefits with another girl. The idea excites me, but I’m really nervous to open up to him about this. I’m afraid that he might propose an open relationship but I’m not down with that. I...

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The V-Spot: Fretting Over My First Vibrator
Mar22

The V-Spot: Fretting Over My First Vibrator

Hey Yana,I would like to buy either a dildo or vibrator for me but I have no experience on what to buy in terms of brand or what type for my first sex toy. What would you suggest to be the best sex toy to purchase to start with?— Fretting Over My First Vibrator Dear FOFV, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: You’ll never find a vibrator that everyone loves. Your vagina, your clitoris and your turn-ons are all as unique as tiny...

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The V-Spot: Who Do I Choose?
Mar14

The V-Spot: Who Do I Choose?

Dear Yana, I’m a 61-year-old woman dating two men. One of them is a retired, 75-year-old secure man who knows who he is. The other is in his 50s and is still trying to figure it all out. Neither of them knows about the other one and live at a distance from each other. I just ended a 35 year marriage and don’t want to be in a committed relationship right now. I love parts of both of them and I love what both of them bring to the table....

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The V-Spot: Straight Talk About the Butt
Mar08

The V-Spot: Straight Talk About the Butt

Hello Yana, I’ve been curious for a while about anal play while I’m pleasuring myself. I’ve heard it generates a more intense orgasm. I can take fingers, but I’d like to try something more (on the smaller side of course). Being a guy, is there a position or toy that will give me the best penetration while pleasuring myself? I’ve never reached out to anyone regarding this before. Being a straight guy, there’s not too many people you...

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The V-Spot: Hide My Hickies!
Feb29

The V-Spot: Hide My Hickies!

Hey Yana, Tis I, LL [from previous column “‘Butch’ Lost in Labialand”]. I’m back with another problem. The advice you gave me last time worked out great. Opening the lines of communication between my partner and I really helped. However, my girlfriend and I have run into an issue: either she bruises really easily, or I need to settle down. There have been multiple instances of hickies in our endeavors together, and most of the time we...

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V-Spot: A Dildo Built For Two
Feb24

V-Spot: A Dildo Built For Two

Hi Yana! My fiancée and I just realized that we have sex, sure, but we’ve never talked about what we really wanted in sex. Toys came up and we tried my Mini Rabbit vibrator and we love it. We’ve both tried strap-ons before and neither she nor I really like them, but we do like the thought of penetrating each other. I’ve Googled and Googled dual penetrating vibes, but I’m coming up with vaginal-and-anal instead of vaginal penetration...

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The V-Spot: Is It Okay to Quit Sex?
Feb16

The V-Spot: Is It Okay to Quit Sex?

Hi Yana, I’m a relatively young woman who enjoyed an active, above-average sex life for my entire adult life, even after the birth of my first two children. However, I found that after my last son was born, my desire for sex suddenly vanished to the degree that I can say that I could be completely happy — and even possibly happier — if I never had another sexual encounter with a partner or even alone. This obviously poses an issue in...

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The V-Spot: The Rules of Attraction
Feb08

The V-Spot: The Rules of Attraction

Yana, I’m a single hetero guy in my 60s. Since my divorce some years ago, I haven’t dated much. What I truly want is a loving, long-term relationship with a partner and to be a loving, giving partner in return. Here’s my problem: I’m short and not terribly good-looking (at least I don’t think so) and I realize that no matter how attractive a person’s character and values may be, or how fun they may be, if there isn’t at least a spark...

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The V-Spot: Bugged About Body Hair
Feb03

The V-Spot: Bugged About Body Hair

Dear Yana, As of last year, I love my body hair. I especially like my pubic hair because I can style it, usually depending on my mood: totally unshaven, as a strip, but rarely fully shaven. However, I’ve noticed that when I have the chance to get intimate with someone, I shave both my lower legs and underarms and I tidy down below. I used to be more self-conscious of my body hair when seeing guys than I am now. Currently, I’m...

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The V-Spot: I Love Anal, But It Hurts
Jan18

The V-Spot: I Love Anal, But It Hurts

Hi Yana, My boyfriend and I have recently started exploring anal play. We’re starting small with just his finger. We use plenty of lube and it goes in pretty easily and isn’t painful at all, but almost every time we’ve done anal play, I’ve bled the next day and been very sore. When I use soap down there it’s very painful! I can’t seem to figure it out. Any suggestions? — Boo-Hoo Booty Dear BHB, You’re off to a great start with your...

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The V-Spot: My BF is Pushing for Polyamory
Jan11

The V-Spot: My BF is Pushing for Polyamory

Hi Yana, My partner and I have been together for five months. He wants to be polyamorous, specifically to have sex and be in relationships with other women. He recently got out of a long term relationship so he doesn’t really want to be in a serious relationship now, but we’ve grown to be close friends and more. We make each other very happy. I told him I would bring a third into our relationship, but he doesn’t want that. I’m not...

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The V-Spot: Hooking Up Online
Jan04

The V-Spot: Hooking Up Online

Dear Yana, I’m seeking out dating websites that have individuals who are thoughtful and open to trying or having more casual sex, but also respect boundaries in sexual exploration. I don’t trust Craigslist, and I’m not really into OKCupid or Tinder. I would love some guidance as to finding nice people who are, to use a term that was in a recent article of yours, DTF (Down to Fuck), but have that FFR (Feelings For Real) deal going on...

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The V-Spot: Dry-humping Better Than Sex
Dec28

The V-Spot: Dry-humping Better Than Sex

Hi Yana, I’m an 18-year-old girl with a sex question. I don’t orgasm during sex with a guy, but I usually do orgasm when we’re dry-humping. Do you have any advice about how sex could be made better for me? I still want to have sex to pleasure my partner, but it’s boring for me. Help me get over this hump! — Dry With My Guy Hi DMG, It sounds like your partner needs to learn where your clitoris is! You’re probably orgasming during...

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The V-Spot: Vaginally High  and Dry
Dec21

The V-Spot: Vaginally High and Dry

Dear Yana, At my last vaginal exam, the doctor could barely get her fingers inside and absolutely couldn’t insert the speculum. She said that I had vaginal atrophy. I’m in my late 50s and my doctor suggested hormone replacement therapy. I am interested in bio-identical hormones, but have been utterly unsuccessful in finding doctors who prescribe this and it doesn’t seem to be covered by insurance. What’s your suggestion for vaginal...

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The V-Spot: Help! My Orgasms  Went on Holiday
Dec14

The V-Spot: Help! My Orgasms Went on Holiday

Hey Yana, I’m a 28-year-old female with a high sex drive. I’ve always found it easy to come with clitoral stimulation. When my partner and I have sex it’s not unusual for it to last over an hour. My guy loves cunnilingus almost as much as I love getting it. I often lose count of the times I orgasm. But for the last few months I haven’t been able to come. None of my favorite things work. It feels nice, but there are no fireworks. I’ve...

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Can I Be DTF and  Still Respect Myself?
Dec07

Can I Be DTF and Still Respect Myself?

Dear Yana, What do you do when a DTR conversation doesn’t go your way? I’m a modern babe who’s Slutever Forever. I’m into my generation’s DTF hook-up culture, but I also want to respect my boundaries, my body, and my feelings. What do you do when you tell the guy you’ve been casually hooking up with that you actually want to date him and he’s like, “Cool, but I just want to park my dick in you for a while”? How can I respect and take...

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