va23-vspot-20151
Local sex columnist Yana Tallon-Hicks‘ written sexpertise uses humor and wit to treat our sexual hangups, growth and education as a natural, fun part of our everyday.

The V-Spot: My Guy Shoots the Moon Too Soon
Dec19

The V-Spot: My Guy Shoots the Moon Too Soon

Hi, Yana! I’m a 22-year-old woman in a hetero relationship with a guy I’ve been seeing for almost a year. We have a loving and communicative sex life, but are perplexed by a persisting issue! When we are fooling around, he occasionally ejaculates early and/or unexpectedly. He says it still feels like a full orgasm, but sometimes doesn’t even feel that good. We’ve had a hard time identifying when and why it...

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The V-Spot: My BF Hangs with my Ex-BFF
Dec12

The V-Spot: My BF Hangs with my Ex-BFF

Hi Yana, I used to have a very toxic friendship with one of my female friends. She always made jokes at my expense, was very judgemental, temperamental, and didn’t show me much respect. I cut off ties with her, but she and my boyfriend of over two years are still friends. I don’t tell my boyfriend not to see her or contact her, because that would be toxic, but it does make me very uncomfortable for them to hang out...

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The V-Spot: Our Post-Abortion Sex Life
Dec05

The V-Spot: Our Post-Abortion Sex Life

I got pregnant this past summer after my birth control failed — I got to be part of that lucky 0.04 percent of IUD users who this happens to. I got the pregnancy terminated and all is well. Or, I guess mostly well. The issue is my partner and I have both been having some anxiety about having sex after what happened. Having an abortion was 10,000-percent the right decision, but, of course, dealing with an unplanned pregnancy was a...

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The V-Spot: I’m a Queer Woman in a Hetero Marriage
Nov28

The V-Spot: I’m a Queer Woman in a Hetero Marriage

I’ve been thinking about writing to you for a long time. My husband and I are about to celebrate 11 years as a couple and we’ve been married for six. It’s been amazing and so much fun to spend all of this time on planet Earth with such a soul-mate dreamboat of a life partner. And also: I just keep wanting to hook up with other people. Five years ago, I hooked up with someone. And then I hooked up with someone else a couple years...

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The V-Spot: Are We Ready for a Threesome?
Nov21

The V-Spot: Are We Ready for a Threesome?

Me and my boyfriend of two years are looking to have a threesome. We are wanting to try it with a female, and a male. We are wanting to do this to enhance our sex life, and are not looking to add anyone into our relationship. We are both very open and honest with each other and think this would be a lot of fun for both of us. But we both have a little tinge of fear of it complicating our relationship. I’ve heard it a million times:...

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The V-Spot: How Do I Get Better At Poly?
Nov14

The V-Spot: How Do I Get Better At Poly?

Hi Yana, I heard you on Dawn Serra’s podcast Sex Gets Real and really appreciated what you had to say about personal boundaries in new polyamorous relationships. I’m a straight guy and my wife just started sleeping with another woman a couple of months ago. I thought I would be fine with it, but then when they started having real feelings for each other I got super jealous and asked my wife to stop seeing her. Now my wife is really...

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The V-Spot: Staying Sexy in Our 60s
Nov07

The V-Spot: Staying Sexy in Our 60s

Hi Yana, I am a 66-year-old man who is in love, and in a new relationship, with a very sexually active 60-year-old woman. I have come to the conclusion that I could use some help in fulfilling her sexual needs. Can you recommend any particular vibrators and/or other toys? Also, where can I purchase them? — Fell in love after all these years Hurray for thriving sex drives after 60! Our youth- and sex-obsessed culture does a great job...

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The V-Spot: My Man’s Got Herpes; Now What?
Oct31

The V-Spot: My Man’s Got Herpes; Now What?

I’ve recently begun a relationship with a man who has herpes. It’s unclear if it’s HSV-1 or -2 or both. He has scheduled an appointment with his doctor. I’ve been tested and am negative for that, hepatitis, and all other STDs. It’s important for me to know all the types of physical and sexual contact that do and don’t have a high herpes transmission possibility. His hands, feet, chest? Interested in ideas and where they fall on a...

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The V-Spot: My BF Is About to Leave Me; What Do I Do?
Oct24

The V-Spot: My BF Is About to Leave Me; What Do I Do?

Hi Yana! My boyfriend and I are approaching our four year anniversary. He recently called me and asked if he could vent to me about what he’s been feeling. He got diagnosed with anxiety and depression this past summer, but stopped going to therapy when he went back to school; so, I was glad he wanted to talk to me. He told me that he didn’t know if he was in our relationship because he loves me or if he is just trying to keep me...

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The V-Spot: Let’s Do Munch!
Oct17

The V-Spot: Let’s Do Munch!

Hey Yana, I am totally new to BDSM [bondage and discipline/sadism and maso- chism]. Someone told me about a “munch” happening locally tomorrow night. They found it through the FetLife website and suggested I go. Do you know anything about these “munch” meetups? How safe are they? I am Northampton based, looking to connect with other BDSM folks. Do you have any suggestions on how else I can do this? — Curious Munchkin   A “munch”...

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The V-Spot: Help! I’ve DepoShot my Libido in the Foot
Oct10

The V-Spot: Help! I’ve DepoShot my Libido in the Foot

Hi Yana, I’ve been on the Depo shot for two months now and I have no sex drive. No desire whatsoever. I Googled it and it’s normal for women on the shot to feel this way. Do you have any tips or sex hacks to help me and my BF out? I’m sure he’s tired of coming home to me not wanting to do it. – Feelin’ Low on the Depo   Dear Feelin’ Low, There are a number of reasons why you may be experiencing this noted side effect of the...

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The V-Spot: I’m Dating Three Women; Does That Make Me Polyamorous?
Sep26

The V-Spot: I’m Dating Three Women; Does That Make Me Polyamorous?

I’m a 38 yo male currently involved with three women. One is a long distance relationship. We met at a concert and had one night together and stayed in touch. We speak regularly on various chat and texts. Two is a nonsexual relationship. She spends the night and we spoon. We have some common interests, but that’s it. And Three I met on an online dating site. We go out and have sex once or twice a week. On one hand I feel like...

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The V-Spot: SOS! I’m Spaced Out During Sex
Oct03

The V-Spot: SOS! I’m Spaced Out During Sex

Yana, I need your expertise! I’m a 19-year-old guy in a hetero relationship. I was pleasuring my partner last night and I realized I stopped being present and could not become present again. She picked up on it and, well, I really wanted to be present for it but I seemed to be stuck in my head, which didn’t make her feel good and wanted. Do you know how I can become more present while sexually active? — Spaced Out Sexually There...

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The V-Spot: I’ve Had Enough With Vaginismus
Sep19

The V-Spot: I’ve Had Enough With Vaginismus

Editor’s Note: Sexual trauma addressed in this week’s column. Hi Yana, I really appreciate your column and the work that you do. I have a really embarrassing sex problem. I was sexually abused throughout various parts of my life, starting in my childhood and going into my twenties. I have vaginismus, but with therapy and dilation, it’s slowly but surely gotten better. I’m seeing someone new who I really like, and the...

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The V-Spot: My 2-Minute Orgasm
Sep12

The V-Spot: My 2-Minute Orgasm

So, I was masturbating last night and set a timer. It took me under two minutes to orgasm. However, when someone else in involved, it takes forever or doesn’t happen at all. I can count the times it’s happened on two hands. Every time I masturbate it’s like clockwork, and I wish I could experience that with a partner! I’ve heard from various ladies and witnessed firsthand that orgasming seems easier for them with...

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The V-Spot: Consent, It’s Not Just for Students
Sep06

The V-Spot: Consent, It’s Not Just for Students

Thankfully, consent is becoming a big topic on college campuses. However, most conversations about consent overfocus on the damaging outcomes of the failure to ask for consent rather than engaging students in learning the benefits of ongoing conversations about consent and sexual pleasure. Many campuses are offering too little too late, after-the-fact rather than ahead-of-the-act. But really, everyone can benefit from practicing...

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The V-Spot: Help! My Boyfriend Hates My Vagina
Aug29

The V-Spot: Help! My Boyfriend Hates My Vagina

Hi Yana, I’m a straight 20-something lady and have been with my boyfriend for two years. We have a great sex life and we’re totally in love! He doesn’t seem to have much of an interest in my vagina — and my vagina, in my mind, is kinda the main thing that makes me a female sexual being. He likes my breasts and loves my butt, but he (literally) never goes down on me and I get the feeling that he only fingers me...

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The V-Spot: My Sexual ‘A’ is Not a Scarlet Letter
Aug22

The V-Spot: My Sexual ‘A’ is Not a Scarlet Letter

Dear Yana, I was recently discussing your column with some new friends I met through Pioneer Valley Aces, a local group of individuals who identify as aromantic and/or asexual. I wasn’t the only one of us who appreciated your witty way of reassuring those who write in that their sexuality is OK. However, as a 39-year-old woman who has never had all that much interest in having romantic relationships or being sexually active, I...

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The V-Spot: Women (and Men), Do Your Kegels
Aug08

The V-Spot: Women (and Men), Do Your Kegels

Hi Yana, I’m a young undergraduate student and yet I’ve been having issues with bladder control. I’ve been wanting to explore doing more Kegels and have heard of these kegel balls you can get. Do you know anything about that? I want to get a good brand/the right material because, obviously, it’s going in my vagina. — Kegel Kid Hi KK, I’m sorry to hear that your bladder isn’t doing what you need it to do — that sounds...

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The V-Spot: New Pornographer Interested in Sex Ed
Aug15

The V-Spot: New Pornographer Interested in Sex Ed

Hi Yana! I saw your TEDx talk in Vienna and was copiously taking notes. The content was an eye-opener for me. I had never thought that both of our basic information sources about sex [school-sanctioned sex education and online pornography] are running their very own twisted agenda. I started working in the porn industry six weeks ago — hey, the money is fantastic! — and my consumption of porn has gone way up as a side effect....

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The V-Spot: Genderqueer, Breaking Binary
Aug01

The V-Spot: Genderqueer, Breaking Binary

Hello Yana! I’ve had a lot of difficulty telling partners that I’m genderqueer and that I use they/them pronouns. It definitely comes into play as soon as sex gets involved. Maybe part of what I’m asking is how can I and my partners break traditional gender norms in the bedroom? But I also want to know how I can discuss gender with partners who might be new to the concept that gender is a spectrum not a binary? — GQ Cutie Dear GQ...

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The V-Spot: Three-Way Nookie Rookie Needs Advice
Jul25

The V-Spot: Three-Way Nookie Rookie Needs Advice

Hey, Yana, I’m a queer lady in my mid-20s and I’ve been with my boyfriend for about four years now. We’ve got an awesome hot and freaky sex life and we’re on the brink of our very first threesome with another girl. We’re both really excited that this is happening, but we’re wondering about threesome etiquette. How do we get things started? How do you be a good threesome host? What are some rules we should set? — Threeway Nookie Rookie...

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The V-Spot: Husband Seeking Female-Friendly Sex-ed
Jul19

The V-Spot: Husband Seeking Female-Friendly Sex-ed

Hi Yana, My wife is interested in exploring her sexuality a little further — things she might be interested in trying, etc. — but is hoping to do so in a way that is female- and feminist-friendly. Do you have any suggestions for things she can do or read either individually or with me? — Helpful Husband Hello HH, My favorite kind of husband is the one willing to lend a helping hand to his partner’s continued sexual exploration —...

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The V-Spot: Babe Needs to Break Up
Jul11

The V-Spot: Babe Needs to Break Up

Dear Yana, I want to break up with my boyfriend of a few years. As we both near 30 I’m getting clearer that he’s just not the guy for me. But here’s the thing: We live together. We have a lease together. We share a car and a cat and just have so many logistical ties to each other that I’m having a really hard time figuring out a way to break up with him that makes everything as easy as possible. I know that in the end we’re going to...

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The V-Spot: Jealous Over My Flirty Girlfriend
Jun20

The V-Spot: Jealous Over My Flirty Girlfriend

Dear Yana, My girlfriend and I have been polyamorous for three years. We have established boundaries and as far as poly relationships go, it’s been pretty smooth sailing. Usually I’m a very low-jealousy partner. But lately she’s been flirting with this one woman that I think she wants to date and it feels like all of my normal jealousy strategies have evaporated. I can’t stand how it makes me feel and lately we’ve been arguing a lot...

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The V-Spot: Why Can’t I Have Sex Without Drinking?
Jun14

The V-Spot: Why Can’t I Have Sex Without Drinking?

Editor’s Note: Sexual trauma is addressed in this week’s column. Hi Yana, I can’t seem to want to have sex unless I’m drunk. This has always kind of been the case, except for when I was a teenager, and horny all the time (and not drinking). Then when I got to college, there were many instances where all my friends would be going on about how much they “needed” sex, and I could never relate. It was only when I...

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The V-Spot: I’m stuck in a cum-nundrum!
Jun06

The V-Spot: I’m stuck in a cum-nundrum!

Hi Yana, My partner (cis-male) and I (queer bisexual lady) enjoy getting super hot and bothered with each other, but we’re both frustrated with my seeming inability to orgasm. When we’re fooling around, just warming up, sometimes clitoral stimulation gets so intense that it’s painful, and we have to stop. When we move toward penetrative sex and I start feeling like I’m almost there — whatever...

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The V-Spot: How Can I Be Poly, With A Heart?
May31

The V-Spot: How Can I Be Poly, With A Heart?

Hi Yana, I’m in my early 30s and have been polyamorous for a couple of years. Not long ago my wife of 13 years and I split. Now I’m kind of going through a dating/poly crisis. I strongly identify as poly despite not really having a primary relationship. Here’s the rub: I don’t really have trouble meeting/sleeping with women. And I’m always very upfront and honest about being essentially unable to see myself in...

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The V-Spot: My ‘Orgasm’
May23

The V-Spot: My ‘Orgasm’

Hello Yana, I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. We’re in our 20s, and he’s a few years older than me. There have been times when we’re intimate when he doesn’t provide me with oral sex. He’s never close to ejaculating while inside me. He only does so after I give him a blow job, and it’s not a lot of semen. Also, he puts his fingers inside me and does this thing to make me “orgasm,” which causes me...

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The V-Spot: How Do I Tell My Partners I’ve Got Herpes?
May16

The V-Spot: How Do I Tell My Partners I’ve Got Herpes?

Hi Yana, I’m 21 years young, genderqueer, very sexual, and polyamorous! I have a penis; I also have genital herpes. Is there a best time to tell a partner? If I have symptoms or have had them recently it’s not much of a conundrum because there’s no choice to be made [besides abstaining]. If I’m totally symptom-free for a period of time, I’ve been told having P-in-V [penis in vagina] while wearing a condom puts...

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The V-Spot: Seeking Seduction Instruction
May04

The V-Spot: Seeking Seduction Instruction

Hi Yana, My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Up until a couple of months ago, I was extremely satisfied with our sex life. He wanted me all the time and would initiate sex at least one to three times daily. Recently, we moved in together and it seems the spark has faded. We’re having sex less and I find myself left unwanted and horny. I know I can initiate sex myself, but I’m shy and don’t know what to do! I talked to...

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The V-Spot: We Never Talk, But I’d Like To
Apr25

The V-Spot: We Never Talk, But I’d Like To

I know you do sex advice, but I need some relationship advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about half a year and he shows zero emotion. I want to bring it up to him, but not in a way that will make him clam up more, ya know? Any advice would be awesome. Thanks! — Emote My Boat The longer I contemplate this question, the curiouser and curiouser I get about what the exact situation is here. Are you in love with this guy and...

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We Can Do It! V-Spot sex advice columnist Yana Tallon-Hicks has made it her mission to get us all to O-Town
Apr18

We Can Do It! V-Spot sex advice columnist Yana Tallon-Hicks has made it her mission to get us all to O-Town

Climbing the stairs to V-Spot sex columnist Yana Tallon-Hicks’ apartment, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Would there be a lot of framed Georgia O’Keefes on the wall? A swing hanging in the bedroom? Penis-shaped drinking glasses? I was sort of right. There are no vagina-esque flowers on the walls. Instead the neat apartment is awash in dark blue and decorated with vivid tattoo-inspired art. However, there is a giant vibrator drying next...

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The V-Spot: Oh! Oh! Oh? Where’s My Orgasm?
Apr18

The V-Spot: Oh! Oh! Oh? Where’s My Orgasm?

Hi Yana! I started having sex with males this past summer. It’s fun and exciting, but I’ve yet to reach an earth-shattering orgasm. That may be too high of an expectation for myself, but it feels like I’ve never had an orgasm at all. I feel the build up, but there’s no release. I think this may be contributing to my extremely low sex drive, because sex isn’t really beneficial for me. I really do want to be having...

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The V-Spot: Help Me Teach My Kid About Consent
Apr12

The V-Spot: Help Me Teach My Kid About Consent

Hi Yana, I have a seven-year-old son and I want to start teaching him about consent. Do you have any resources and tools for me as a parent to help him learn about consent as a kid? — Proactive Parent Dear PP, The brilliant Dutch sex education curriculum starts what they call “sexuality education” early and often for their students. Children as young as five years old start talking about respecting their own and others’ bodies and...

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