Astrology
Free Will Astrology: Summon old school tenacity as seen in Jurassic Park, Taurus
ARIES (March 21-April 19): A critic described Leonardo da Vinci’s painting the Mona Lisa as “the most visited, most written about, most sung about, most parodied work of art in the world.” It hasn’t been sold recently, but is estimated to be...
Free Will Astrology: Tell the world you’re made of gold, Virgo
ARIES (March 21-April 19): The Aries poet Anna Kamienska described the process of writing as akin to “the backbreaking work of hacking a footpath, as in a coal mine; in total darkness, beneath the earth.” Whether or not you’re a writer, I’m guessing that your life...
Free Will Astrology: Work on that PBJ recipe, Taurus
ARIES (March 21-April 19): According to my assessment of the astrological omens, your duty right now is to be a brave observer and fair-minded intermediary and honest storyteller. Your people need you to help them do the right thing. They require your influence in...
Free Will Astrology: Be inspired by melting cheese, Aquarius
ARIES (March 21-April 19): The Torah is a primary sacred text of the Jewish religion. It consists of exactly 304,805 letters. When specially trained scribes make handwritten copies for ritual purposes, they must not make a single error in their transcription. The work...
Free Will Astrology: Wreak creative destruction, Libra
ARIES (March 21-April 19): I hate rampant consumerism almost as much as I hate hatred, so I don’t offer the following advice lightly: Buy an experience that could help liberate you from the suffering you’ve had trouble outgrowing. Or buy a toy that can...
Free Will Astrology: Put down your quills Aries!
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Imagine you’re one of four porcupines caught in frigid weather. To keep warm, you all have the urge to huddle together and pool your body heat. But whenever you try to get close, you prick each other with your quills. The only solution to...
Free Will Astrology: See you on the dark side of the moon, Leo
ARIES (March 21-April 19): In the early history of the automobile, electric engines were more popular and common than gasoline-powered engines. They were less noisy, dirty, smelly, and difficult to operate. It’s too bad that thereafter the technology for...
Free Will Astrology: Don’t wait 9 years to publish your poems, Capricorn
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Aries statesman Thomas Jefferson was the third President of the United States. He wrote one of history’s most famous documents, the Declaration of Independence. He was an architect, violinist, inventor, and linguist who spoke numerous...
Free Will Astrology: Play it safe in new ventures Aries
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Eighty-three-year-old author Harlan Ellison has had a long and successful career. In the course of publishing hundreds of literary works in seven different genres, he has won numerous awards. But when he was in his thirties, there was an...
Free Will Astrology: Your April Fool’s Horoscope
ARIES (March 21-April 19): A few years ago, a New Zealander named Bruce Simpson announced plans to build a cruise missile at his home using parts he bought legally from eBay and other online stores. In accordance with current astrological omens, I suggest you initiate...
Free Will Astrology: Cherish and nurture the basics, Gemini
ARIES (March 21-April 19): The “School of Hard Knocks” is an old-fashioned idiom referring to the unofficial and accidental course of study available via life’s tough experiences. The wisdom one gains through this alternate approach to education may...
Free Will Astrology: Surround yourself with Beauty, Libra, Or Else
ARIES (March 21-April 19): The British science fiction TV show Dr. Who has appeared on BBC in 40 of the last 54 years. Over that span, the titular character has been played by 13 different actors. From 2005 until 2010, Aries actor David Tennant was the magic,...
Free Will Astrology: Have the Patience of Peter Parker, Libra
ARIES (March 21-April 19): The men who work on offshore oil rigs perform demanding, dangerous tasks on a regular basis. If they make mistakes, they may get injured or befoul the sea with petroleum. As you might guess, the culture on these rigs has traditionally been...
Free Will Astrology: Search Out Your Ghost Towns, Sagittarius
ARIES (March 21-April 19): On September 1, 1666, a London baker named Thomas Farriner didn’t take proper precautions to douse the fire in his oven before he went to sleep. Consequences were serious. The conflagration that ignited in his little shop burned down large...
Free Will Astrology: Aries, It’s Wild Card Season for You
ARIES (March 21-April 19): When you’re playing poker, a wild card refers to a card that can be used as any card the cardholder wants it to be. If the two of hearts is deemed wild before the game begins, it can be used as an ace of diamonds, jack of clubs, queen...
Free Will Astrology: Check your old pants for winning lottery tickets, Virgo
ARIES (March 21-April 19): British athlete Liam Collins is an accomplished hurdler. In 2017, he won two medals at the World Masters Athletics Indoor Championships in South Korea. Collins is also a stuntman and street performer who does shows in which he hurtles over...
Free Will Astrology: Hidden Treasure Awaits, Aries
ARIES (March 21-April 19): In all of history, humans have mined about 182,000 tons of gold. Best estimates suggest there are still 35 billion tons of gold buried in the earth, but the remaining riches will be more difficult to find and collect than what we’ve already...
Free Will Astrology: Watch the Price of Eggs, Virgo
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Anders Haugen competed for the U.S. as a ski jumper in the 1924 Winter Olympics. Although he was an accomplished athlete who had previously set a world record for distance, he won no medals at the games. But wait! Fifty years later, a sports...
Astrology: Libra, open your heart and go for the win-win!
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Many American women did not have the right to vote until August 18, 1920. On that day, the Tennessee General Assembly became the 36th state legislature to approve the Nineteenth Amendment, thus sealing the legal requirements to change the...
Free Will Astrology: It’s Leo Makeover Season!
ARIES (March 21-April 19): I’m happy to inform you that life is giving you permission to be extra demanding in the coming weeks — as long as you’re not petty, brusque, or unreasonable. Here are a few examples that will pass the test: “I demand that you join me in...
Free Will Astrology: Fly Your Freak Flag, Aquarius
ARIES (March 21-April 19): In 2018, your past will undergo transformation. Your memories will revise and rearrange themselves. Bygone events that seemed complete and definitive will shimmy and shift, requiring new interpretations. The stories you have always told...
Free Will Astrology: Pisces Theme is Secret Freedom
ARIES (March 21-April 19): “I need more smart allies, compassionate supporters, ethical role models, and loyal friends, and I need them right now!” writes Joanna K., an Aries reader from Albuquerque, New Mexico. On the other hand, there’s Jacques T., an Aries reader...
Free Will Astrology: Your Mission for 2018
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Your life in the first half of 2018 will be like a psychological boot camp that’s designed to beef up your emotional intelligence. Here’s another way to visualize your oncoming adventures: They will constitute a friendly nudge from the...
Free Will Astrology: Don’t Listen to Mozart, Scorpio
ARIES (March 21-April 19): According to a Sufi aphorism, you can’t be sure that you are in possession of the righteous truth unless a thousand people have called you a heretic. If that’s accurate, you still have a ways to go before you can be certified. You need a few...
Free Will Astrology: Don’t Sell Out, Aries; You’ll Get Rich Quicker
ARIES (March 21-April 19): You may get richer quicker in 2018, Aries — especially if you refuse to sell out. You may accumulate more clout — especially if you treat everyone as your equal and always wield your power responsibly. I bet you will also experience deeper,...
Free Will Astrology: Leos Probably Won’t Date Models or Millionaires
ARIES (March 21-April 19): I hope that everything doesn’t come too easily for you in the coming weeks. I’m worried you will meet with no obstructions and face no challenges. And that wouldn’t be good. It might weaken your willpower and cause your puzzle-solving skills...Free Will Astrology: Don’t Hang Dildos from your Christmas Tree, Gemini
ARIES (March 21-April 19): In alignment with the current astrological omens, I have prepared your horoscope using five hand-plucked aphorisms by Aries poet Charles Bernstein. 1.) “You never know what invention will look like or else it wouldn’t be invention.” 2.) “So...Free Will Astrology: Don’t Lose Your Lotto Ticket, Sagittarius
ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Many people go fishing all their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after,” observed Henry David Thoreau. The spirit of Thoreau’s observation is true about every one of us to some extent. From time to time, we all try to...
Free Will Astrology: Pimples Are Your Friends, Taurus
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Adriana Martinez and Octavio Guillen got engaged to be married when they were both 15 years old. But they kept delaying a more complete unification for 67 years. At last, when they were 82, they celebrated their wedding and pledged their...
Free Will Astrology: Johnny Cash Didn’t Take Voice Lessons Either, Scorpio
ARIES (March 21-April 19): America’s Civil War ended in 1865. A veteran from that conflict later produced a daughter, Irene Triplett, who is still alive today and collecting his pension. In the coming months, I foresee you being able to take advantage of a comparable...
Free Will Astrology: What the Stars Say You Should Be for Halloween
ARIES (March 21-April 19): I share Vincent Van Gogh’s belief that “the best way to know life is to love many things.” But I also think that the next twelve months will be an inspiring time for you to be focused and single-minded in your involvement with love. That’s...
Free Will Astrology: Stick with Garfunkel For Now, Scorpio
ARIES (March 21-April 19): “I am my own muse,” wrote painter Frida Kahlo. “I am the subject I know best. The subject I want to know better.” Would you consider trying out this perspective for a while, Aries? If so, you might generate a few ticklish surprises. You may...
Free Will Astrology: Thrillseeking Snails Ride on Turtles
ARIES (March 21-April 19): In his book The Logic of Failure, Dietrich Dorner discusses the visionaries who built the Aswan Dam in Egypt. Their efforts brought an abundance of cheap electricity to millions of people. But the planners didn’t take into account some of...
Free Will Astrology: Follow Samsung By Transcending Dried Fish
ARIES (March 21-April 19): You wouldn’t expect a five-year-old child to paint a facsimile of Picasso’s Guernica or sing Puccini’s opera, La Boheme. Similarly, you shouldn’t fault your companions and you for not being perfect masters of the art of intimate...
Free Will Astrology: Pink Underpants, Not Purple, Taurus
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Conceptual artist Jonathon Keats likes to play along with the music of nature. On one occasion he collaborated with Mandeville Creek in Montana. He listened and studied the melodies that emanated from its flowing current. Then he moved...
Free Will Astrology: Emily Dickinson Knows The Size of Aquarius Brains
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Psychologists say most people need a scapegoat — a personification of wickedness and ignorance onto which they can project the unacknowledged darkness in their own hearts. That’s the bad news. Here’s the good news: The coming weeks will be...
Free Will Astrology: Move Forward Like An Emu, Aries
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Two animals are pictured prominently on Australia’s coat of arms: the kangaroo and the large flightless bird known as the emu. One of the reasons they were chosen is that both creatures rarely walk backward. They move forward or not at all....
Free Will Astrology: Leo, Eating The Buddha’s Snot Is Good Luck
ARIES (March 21-April 19): You’re half-intoxicated by your puzzling adventures — and half-bewildered, as well. Sometimes you’re spinning out fancy moves, sweet tricks, and surprising gambits. On other occasions you’re stumbling and bumbling and mumbling. Are you...
Free Will Astrology: Capricorn: Be Improbable Like Oscar Wilde
ARIES (March 21-April 19): “We are continually faced by great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems,” said businessman Lee Iacocca. You are currently wrestling with an example of this phenomenon, Aries. The camouflage is well-rendered. To expose...
Free Will Astrology: Sensitive Swashbuckler Sagittarius
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Welcome to Swami Moonflower’s Psychic Hygiene Hints. Ready for some mystical cleansing? Hint #1: To remove stains on your attitude, use a blend of Chardonnay wine, tears from a cathartic crying session, and dew collected before dawn. Hint...
Free Will Astrology: Lay Off Metaphorical Bombing Campaigns, Scorpio
ARIES (March 21-April 19): “To disobey in order to take action is the byword of all creative spirits,” said philosopher Gaston Bachelard. This mischievous advice is perfect for your use right now, Aries. I believe you’ll thrive through the practice of ingenious...
Free Will Astrology: Believe In Woo-Woo, Juju, Mojo
ARIES (March 21-April 19): I hope you’re making wise use of the surging fertility that has been coursing through you. Maybe you’ve been reinventing a long-term relationship that needed creative tinkering. Perhaps you have been hammering together an innovative business...
Free Will Astrology: Love Is Your Gritty But Sacred Duty
ARIES (March 21-April 19): In my astrological opinion, your life in the coming days should draw inspiration from the ancient Roman festival of Saturnalia, a six-day bout of revelry that encouraged everyone to indulge in pleasure, speak freely, and give gifts. Your...
Free Will Astrology: Libra, You’re Nobler and Sparklier Than the Rest of Us
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Are you feeling as daring about romance as I suspect? If so, I’ve composed a provocative note for you to give to anyone you have good reason to believe will be glad to receive it. Feel free to copy it word-for-word or edit it to suit your...
Free Will Astrology:Strawberry Is Your Power Fruit, Pisces
ARIES (March 21-April 19): The Greek word philokalia is translated as the “love of the beautiful, the exalted, the excellent.” I propose that we make it your keyword for the next three weeks — the theme you keep at the forefront of your awareness everywhere you go....
Leo, Press 3 For Fresh Inspiration
ARIES (March 21-April 19): It’s not your birthday, but I feel like you need to get presents. The astrological omens agree with me. In fact, they suggest you should show people this horoscope to motivate them to do the right thing and shower you with practical...
Free Will Astrology: Make Fun Of Your Zealotry, Aquarius
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Unless you were raised by a pack of feral raccoons or a fundamentalist cult, now is a perfect time to dive in to your second childhood. Is there a toy you wanted as a kid but never got? Buy it for yourself now! What were the delicious foods...
Free Will Astrology: The Tides Of Destiny Shouting For Scorpio
ARIES (March 21-April 19): This is a perfect moment to create a new tradition, Aries. You intuitively know how to turn one of your recent breakthroughs into a good habit that will provide continuity and stability for a long time to come. You can make a permanent...
Free Will Astrology: Gemini: Take Advice From Virginia Woolf
ARIES (March 21-April 19): There are places in the oceans where the sea floor cracks open and spreads apart from volcanic activity. This allows geothermally heated water to vent out from deep inside the earth. Scientists explored such a place in the otherwise frigid...
Free Will Astrology: Phone Reminders Will Help Taurus Actualize
ARIES (March 21-April 19): You have to admit that salt looks like sugar and sugar resembles salt. This isn’t usually a major problem, though. Mistakenly sprinkling sugar on your food when you thought you were adding salt won’t hurt you, nor will putting salt in your...
Free Will Astrology: More Bohr Than Einstein, Capricorn
ARIES (March 21-April 19): If you chose me as your relationship guide, I’d counsel you and your closest ally to be generous with each other; to look for the best in each other and praise each other’s beauty and strength. If you asked me to help foster your...
Free Will Astrology: Aquarius, Red Is Your Color
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Life is in the mood to communicate with you rather lyrically. Here are just a few of the signs and portents you may encounter, along with theories about their meaning. If you overhear a lullaby, it’s time to seek the influence of a tender,...
Free Will Astrology: Aries: Cultivate More Surprising and Original Sins
ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Sin” is a puerile concept in my eyes, so I don’t normally use it to discuss grown-up concerns. But if you give me permission to invoke it in a jokey, ironic way, I’ll recommend that you cultivate more surprising, interesting, and original...
Free Will Astrology: Gemini – Pack Your Decrepit Emotional Baggage in Garbage Bags
ARIES (March 21-April 19): “A two-year-old kid is like using a blender, but you don’t have a top for it,” said comedian Jerry Seinfeld. Would you like to avoid a scenario like that, Aries? Would you prefer not to see what happens if your life has resemblances to...
Free Will Astrology: Leo – Dominate Your Emotions Like Oscar Wilde
ARIES (March 21-April 19): The process by which Zoo Jeans are manufactured is unusual. First, workers wrap and secure sheets of denim around car tires or big rubber balls, and take their raw creations to the Kamine Zoo in Hitachi City, Japan. There the denim-swaddled...
Free Will Astrology: Spit it out, Cancer!
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Beware of feeling sorry for sharks that yell for help. Beware of trusting coyotes that act like sheep and sheep that act like coyotes. Beware of nibbling food from jars whose contents are different from what their labels suggest. But wait!...
Free Will Astrology: Virgo, cook an omelet over Niagara gorge
ARIES (March 21-April 19): I have misgivings when I witness bears riding bicycles or tigers dancing on their hind legs or Aries people wielding diplomatic phrases and making careful compromises at committee meetings. While I am impressed by the disciplined expression...
Free Will Astrology: Aries be like Washington, Sagittarius like Lincoln
ARIES (March 21-April 19): After George Washington was elected as the first President of the United States, he had to move from his home in Virginia to New York City, which at the time was the center of the American government. But there was a problem: He didn’t have...
Free Will Astrology: When life gives Scorpios lemon rinds…
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Before visiting Sicily for the first time, American poet Billy Collins learned to speak Italian. In his poem “By a Swimming Pool Outside Siracusa,” he describes how the new language is changing his perspective. If he were thinking in...E-Edition
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