The Both and Everything

It’s been a quiet, rather turned in, not so easy spring and the cool days, which put the winter jacket right back on me, feel as fitting as they do too freezing. That’s because one, I feel the need to be bundled up and two, the preservation of this particular beauty—say, the forsythia—is exactly what I need. That bright burst, sturdy, paused, as the muddy earth fills in with green and before all the delicate petals arrive, that’s my spot in life right now. And it’s holding steady for a minute longer than usual, and I am grateful.

I also remembered a few weeks ago that for me when I have a knotted-ness, writing helps. I restarted a journal. Wow. That’s exactly what I needed to do. I have a place for the big BLAH and the torrent and I don’t feel quite so knotted. That helps me see and helps me appreciate just how bright the forsythia is (and it is).

As the one who is pretty consistently a helper kind of friend, I’m blown away by how my friends have my back. It’s not my usual thing to be the one whose back is had. They have me. It’s amazing—even my via-Google Hangout writing group did this week and a friend who took over a meeting we meant to share, for example—and I am so grateful.

Also, I am grateful for inspiration, much of which comes from my incredible family, too.

Meantime, I have three louder things to share: because, balance.

One is that my essay on being a fangirl at fifty (wear it loud and proud) is up at Momfilter, in which I write about how I want to the Ryman to see the show’s Behind the Music special that aired last week taped. I hope my fellow #NASHIES tweet the heck out of it. You can tweet it, too. I double dare you.

I haven’t read every comment, yet it seems my declaration in an essay at Brain Child has stirred up some disagreement; I wrote about how I’ve gone from big school volunteer to saying no to volunteering.

And last week, we went to the not-quiet Pearl Street to see The Both. That’s the band Aimee Mann and Ted Leo started. I can’t stop listening to the CD. To say I loved the concert is an understatement and the more I listen the more I love the music. It may turn out my fangirl days have just begun. Holy crap.

Sarah Werthan Buttenwieser

Author: Sarah Werthan Buttenwieser

Sarah Werthan Buttenwieser's work has appeared on the New York Times, Salon, and the Manifest Station amongst other places. Find her on Twitter @standshadows

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