Blaise’s Bad Movie Guide
Blaises’s Bad Movie Guide: Mr. Sycamore
What do you do when you have a dead-end job, a nagging wife, and no respect from the people in your neighborhood? Most of us would go to Las Vegas and hope for the best. But not Mr. Sycamore — his keen idea to escape the rigors of life is to undergo metamorphoses into...
Blaise’s Bad Movie Guide: Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster
Looks like Godzilla, king of the monsters is falling on hard times. Our reptilian friend’s new movie is having a hard time wooing audiences away from a flick about another prehistoric beast, sir Elton John. Even appearances by fellow cohorts Mothra, Rodan, and King...
Blaise’s Bad Movie Guide: Howard the Duck (1986)
On its opening weekend, Avengers: Endgame took in a staggering $1.2 billion. I’ve seen it and now I am caught up in the frenzy. I even scoured the area McDonald’s and got 12 of the 24 avengers happy meal toys. The clerks there cringe when I come strolling through the...
Blaise’s Bad Movie Guide: Ants
Flashback: Ten years ago, the morning after Christmas. True story. I am on the john at my sisters house when a car barreling down the road hits a utility pole, frying every appliance in the house, including a TV/DVD combo I just received as a present. The car then...
Blaise’s Bad Movie Guide: The Love God?
Gather around kids, it’s Don Knotts time! Hands up if you remember everyone’s favorite nerd, starring in such classics as The Incredible Mr. Limpet and The Shakiest Gun in the West. I knew someone who counted The Ghost and Mr. Chicken among her favorite movies. But...
Blaise’s Bad Movie Guide: What is Thunderbird Six???
Hands up! — how many readers remember HL Childs’ toy store in Northampton? I was there on closing day and came across a massive “Thunderbirds Island” playset commanding an entire shelf. As you may recall, “Thunderbirds” was a British TV show featuring marionettes and...
Blaise’s Bad Movie Guide: David Hasselhoff in Jekyll & Hyde: The Musical
A change of scenery is in store for this month’s column. We will leave the flickering screen of the cinema and head for the bright lights of Broadway. Yes, instead of a classically bad movie, I’m going to focus on a stage adaptation of a classic novel as captured live...
Blaise’s Bad Movie Guide: “Son of The Pink Panther” falls far from the tree
It may come as a surprise to my faithful readers that I actually own a few classy movies — notably, the well-regarded “Pink Panther” series starring the great Peter Sellers as Detective Inspector Clouseau. After Sellers’ death, the producers unwisely decided to try to...
Blaise’s Bad Movie Guide: The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy
It’s New Year’s Day. With no idea what to watch, I thought I’d go through one of my leaning towers of DVDs and see what I might come up with. Down at the musty bottom of one of the stacks, I found a trove of movies I’d never watched. My candidate for viewing: The...
Blaise’s Bad Movie Guide: Lassie, The Painted Hills
The holidays are almost upon us, so I decided to curl up with my dog Sasha and watch a 1951 festive Christmas movie. Titled The Painted Hills, this western tells the story of two gold prospectors on the verge of striking it rich. Except that one gets a tad greedy and...
Blaise’s Bad Movie Guide: The Demons of Ludlow
As I type this column, it is not yet Halloween, but by the time it sees print the holiday will be over. I’m still in a scary-movie mode, watching such fare as “Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein.” But maybe I should switch gears and see what’s available now on TV....
Blaise’s Bad Movie Guide: The Crawling Eye
I recently had the opportunity to visit the Peabody Essex Museum in Salem and view an exhibit by Kirk Hammett. “Kirk who?” you ask. Why, none other than the lead guitarist for the thrash metal band Metallica. Can’t say I was ever a fan, but Hammett’s collection on...
Blaise’s Bad Movie Guide: ‘Horror Express’
Allll aboard! Welcome to the Trans-Siberian express. I hope your journey is a pleasant one. Try not to be bothered by the marauding yeti in the baggage department. A bit of background may be in order so you can properly appreciate your trip. Spanish director Eugenio...
Blaise’s Bad Movie Guide: Wonder Woman’s Got Nothing on Feline Empowerment
For Father’s Day, I was treated to a screening of the new Wonder Woman movie. My daughter summed it up well: It was better than good, but not great. What I cannot understand is the fever this movie has generated. Women-only showings? Were there any women-only showings...
Blaise’s Bad Movie Guide: ‘Destory All Monsters’
Sometimes the best laid plans go awry. First case in point: The just-released King Arthur was carefully groomed to be a blockbuster but flopped spectacularly at the box office. Second case in point: After I decided to review another movie of this ilk — Gods of Egypt —...
Blaise’s Bad Movie Guide: ‘Bad Channels’ Tune Into 666 … if you dare (w/vid)
I was saddened when I heard the news that Paul O’Neil, the founder of the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, had died. It seems my favorite bands have either passed away (the Ramones, the Cramps), or are eligible for AARP but continue to stumble on. In addition to Sparks and...
Blaise’s Bad Movie Guide: The Last Dinosaur
Many winters ago, in 1977 to be precise, a friend and I were invited to a party. As luck would have it, we were the only males present. To top it off, the girls wanted to try the old game of spin the bottle. Chumps that my friend and I were, we decided we would rather...
Blaise’s Bad Movie Guide: When Brad Pitt Was the Pits
Recently, I visited the William Cullen Bryant Homestead in Cummington where my sister and her family helped to lavishly decorate the rooms with Yuletide trimmings. Yet my mind was not on sugarplums. Instead, it was on the movie I knew I was going to review for this...
Blaise’s Bad Movie Guide: Someone should have said oh-no to ‘Omoo’
The old adage “you can’t tell a book by its cover” still rings true. However, does this advice apply to movies and their titles? Let’s partake in a little quiz and see if you can guess the film’s plot by its moniker. Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla. Hands...
Blaise’s Bad Movie Guide: ‘Call Me Bwana’ crash-lands
Let’s take a trip in the Wayback Machine to the early 1960s. The British company Eon Productions has just been accorded the honor of producing a series of films based on the Ian Fleming James Bond novels, starting with Dr. No. But there’s a catch. The contract says...
Blaise’s Bad Movie Guide: That time The Three Stooges went too far … nyuk, nyuk, nyuk
That time The Three Stooges went too far … nyuk, nyuk, nyuk As Kenny Rogers wisely sang, “You gotta know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em.” There have been many performers who have ignored this advice, plodding right along with their careers when they...
Blaise’s Bad Movie Guide: The First Wet, Hot American Summer was so bad, how did it get a sequel?
The first Wet, Hot American Summer was so bad, how did it get a sequel?I’ll let you in on a little secret: the newsroom once had a library of old VCR tapes we all could share. After VCR tapes went the way of the Walkman there was a purge and I snagged Wet, Hot...E-Edition
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