I was wondering if you might be able to recommend a good vibrator to use during sex with my boyfriend. Something with power, but not too cumbersome?
I don’t make many assumptions in this job, but I get the vibe (hyuck) that you may be one of many women who discovered the clit-rocking power of the Hitachi Magic Wand “back-massager-turned,” as your predicament is a classic one: You want a vibe that packs a punch like the Hitachi, but unlike the Hitachi, isn’t the size of a prize, country-fair eggplant with a power cord. This way, you can use it with your sweetie without danger of an accidental black-eye or needing to push your bed up against the wall so you can plug that prehistoric sucker’s absurdly short cord into the socket.
Luckily, there are plenty of wee-yet-walloping vibrators out there that have just the Napoleonic complex you’re looking for, Spunky. Specifically, high-end toys like the JimmyJane Form 2 (with cute little “bunny ears” to surround the clit for more intensity), the JeJoue Mimi (about the size and shape of a small stone), and the We-Vibe Tango (think a lipstick tube that’s had five too many espressos) are all rechargeable, have multiple speeds and vibration patterns, and are made of body-safe materials. More importantly, they’re small and hand-held, so they won’t take up too much space in the sack or intimidate your Mr.’s mister.
Though these tiny tornadoes certainly fit your criteria of “not-too-cumbersome,” this lube-lover finds smaller vibes hard to hold onto. One way around this is to get a vibrating cock ring that your boyfriend can wear around his junk (or around a dildo) which applies a little vibration sensation to your regular repertoire, hands-free. While this can add some oomph to both of your dirty bits, plentiful penetration means the vibration doesn’t stay in one place consistently — a hard way for many ladies to orgasm.
Another option, Spunky, is to give yourself permission to stick to your favorite, huge guns. What I means is, you don’t need to fall prey to the mainstream porno propaganda that a lady’s orgasmic weapon-of-choice needs to be pink, petite, or bejeweled to be sexy. In fact, when it comes to orgasm: the uglier the better, and, therefore, the sexier. Guttural moans, filthy phrases, muscle spasms and, perhaps, the roar of the Hitachi leaf-blower all make for a hideously pleasurable good time. And if your boyfriend knows what’s good for him, he’ll certainly love being a part of that no matter how cumbersome your vibrator (especially as the stronger the vibrator, the more he’ll feel it through your vaginal walls).
The popular idea that we will be ruined by our extreme enjoyment of our sex toys — especially when those toys are beastly machines — is closely related to the cultural slut-shaming of sexually self-satisfying women, the fear that mere toys can replace flesh-and-blood partners, and the common misconception that we can become addicted to the instant gratification of an easy orgasm as if it were sold by the gram. Knowing how to get yourself off consistently and efficiently is nothing to fear.
More than 70 percent of women require clitoral stimulation (and at least 20 to 30 minutes of it) to orgasm. Many women don’t know how to get themselves there, let alone how to communicate to their partners about how to get them there. The women who just leave it up to their partners to figure out by guess-and-check are in even worse shape. So, Spunky, if you, like many, love the prize, country-fair eggplant, there are creative ways to incorporate it into your partnered sex life, such as using Liberator’s positioning pillows with special, built-in Hitachi pockets (especially effective when paired with doggie-style sex) or maybe using an extension cord or two. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?
Okay, well maybe it’s a little broke and we should just tweak it a bit, like with the Lelo Smart Wand. Essentially a refined version of the Hitachi Magic Wand, this vibrator is just as strong as the beloved Vibrosaurus Rex, but with some present-day updates like a sleek, ergonomic design, 100 percent waterproof rechargeability, eight vibration patterns and speeds and — hallelujah! — it’s completely cordless.•