If four years of writing a sex column have taught me anything, it’s that there’s nothing more important than honoring feedback from those you get down and dirty with. Well, and that masturbation is key. So, in keeping with best sex practices, I present you with some feel-good, masturbatory feedback from this year’s V-Spot question-askers:
“New Mom Needs to Get Some”
This article was so great. My husband finally got to read it tonight. You opened a great dialogue between the two of us tonight; so thank you.
“Hopin’ 2 Open”
Thanks! Your answer is both hard to read and, of course, what I should do. (Why is the right way usually the hard way?) I will refer back to your answer for a long time to come. Why don’t you live in NYC and why aren’t you licensed to practice sex therapy yet?! ‘Cause I’m sure we will need more guidance on the road to follow.
“Bi-Curious at Bedtime”
I really want to thank you for your wonderful advice in this week’s column.
I never felt comfortable telling [my boyfriend] about my girl-on-girl erotic dreams or attractions before because I didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable about it. I was just afraid how he’d react or if he would think differently of me. I’ve felt attracted to females and have been experiencing erotic dreams like this long before I met him. So, I always felt like I was keeping a secret about my sexuality from him.
Your column inspired me to finally have that conversation with him. I feel better knowing that he knows. I just felt weird about having pretty regular dream sex with ladies while he thinks I’m only attracted to men. It felt dishonest.
I guess I don’t really know if I’m straight or not and I haven’t for awhile. But it’s okay because now I feel like I have the freedom to figure it out and talk openly about it with my partner, who means so much to me. If not for your column and advice surrounding this topic, I don’t think I ever would have told him. Thank you for that, Yana. I feel like I’m being more honest with myself and my partner.
“My Married Sex Life, For Better or Worse”
Thank you for your advice. We definitely had one of those first date kind of talks about this tonight. Ha! Thanks again!
“My Boyfriend Won’t Lick My Sundae”
Thanks so much, Yana. Good insight. Upon further prodding, my boyfriend actually said that he had a very bad experience as a young man going down on a girl. I’ve also realized that while I’ve been telling myself what a great person he is, that doesn’t mean he’s necessarily great for me. Sex isn’t everything, but it can be indicative of the rest of your relationship. And with him, I feel like there’s actually a lot of other things missing, too. I’ve got some things to figure out, I guess.
“Seeking Spunky, Not Clunky”
Hilarious and amazing. Thank you. I’ll be back for more advice. XOX …. Ugh, I just read it again. You are so on point.
“Unplug to Buttplug? “
I used your advice to order the small and medium Njoy [pure plugs] and they are amazing! Thanks for pointing out how much of a difference between silicone versus steel makes. [The steel plugs] feel very different from the plugs I had before. That was really great advice that I realized immediately once I was holding them in my hands. [My girlfriend] is away this week, so I had a little one on one time with myself and those were some of the best orgasms of my life! Thank you so much for your wonderful help!
“My GF Won’t Let Me Butter Her Toast”
“The drawing in the upper right corner of your column makes you look, uh, matronly in an Ann Landers sort of way. I think you’re still in your 20s and I would hope that matronly is not the type of image you want to project for such a cutting edge opinion/advice column”.
Note: Ha! Well of course no one in their 20s (well, I’m turning 30 in January) wants to look matronly. However, not only do cartoon images of writers pay homage to classic newspaper columns, but being compared to a great sex columnist who came before me, such as Ann Landers, is a compliment. But thanks for looking out!