Does penis size matter? I’m a 20-year-old male and a tall guy who gyms a lot and has fairly good genetics … all but in the penis department. I’m 6 feet tall and I literally have a 4-incher.
I’ve found that a lot of girls are size queens and the girls I have been with have left as soon as they saw it or stayed for pity sex, which kinda left me finishing prematurely, and embarrassing myself to the point where I sorta teared up. I’ve had at least one time that I slept with a girl that was comforting (an old school friend), but we haven’t really spoken since.
So I find myself, a fairly attractive guy with one dilemma and I just don’t know what to do next. I really don’t know if I can reach the G-Spot and pleasure a woman. How do I accept that I have a small penis?
Social standards surrounding sex — like those we learn from porn, peers, and partners — are great at setting us up to feel not good enough. When it comes to sex we’re often told that we’re not wet enough, not busty enough, not thin enough, not orgasmic enough and — in your case — not big enough.
And then we’re doubly sexually duped as we’re also socially restricted to the kinds of sex that are deemed “normal” or acceptable — which is usually heterosexual, (big) penis-in- (tight) vagina missionary sex. These standards set everyone up to fail in the fucking department as it takes away our freedom to explore other avenues of sexual pleasure that work for us, our partners, and our unique sexual desires, abilities, and identities. These standards have kept the clitoris a mystery, invalidated LGBTQ sex, and, in your case, SMU, has made you feel really shitty about the DNA you were handed as a fetus.
But the reality is that many people have hot, amazing, orgasmic sex with all kinds of penises and sometimes without a penis involved at all! You ask me how you can accept the fact that you have a 4-inch penis and my answer is to actively work against these social sexual standards that are keeping you from accepting your boner by exploring new kinds of sex that suit your anatomy and your partners’ desires.
The perks of a slighter schlong are plentiful: Your partner can deep-throat you no problem, anal penetration is easier, and the G-Spot is actually only about 1-2 inches inside the vaginal canal so shallower penetration is best when working with this squirt-worthy-swatch, something you’re naturally built to reach.
Then there are all of the creative ways to pleasure your female-bodied partners outside of the traditional P-in-V box: You can do a lot of delightful damage to a damsel’s dirty bits with your hands and tongue and sex toys like vibrators and hand-held dildos (helloooooo G-Spot!).
In many cases, a penis is actually not the best tool for the female-orgasm trade. Working with a size queen? Get an awesome blow job and then strap on her favorite, gigantic dildo and meet her desires that way.
Vixen Creations makes a dildo for just your particular occasion called the Ride On, which is a realistic-looking silicone dildo specially designed to fit over male anatomy and extend the dick you’ve been given (or help others manage erectile dysfunction) with or without a strap-on harness. This toy is awesome and its popularity shows that you’re certainly not the only one struggling to measure up to sexual standards with the coital cards you’ve been dealt.
Finally, SMU, if your partners are shaming your body, leaving you in tears, or reject your creative solutions to meet their sexual desires — don’t sleep with them! Seek out more people who match the caring and sexual confidence of your old friend from school and less who think that pity, shame-soaked, in-the-box sex is good sex or even consensual sex. This may be a hard task to accomplish in your early 20s, but the older you and your partners get and the more comfortable you get in the skin you’re in, the better sex you’ll all be having, whether your penis is 2 or 12 inches long.•
Yana Tallon-Hicks is a pleasure-positive sex educator and writer.