I am a 66-year-old man who is in love, and in a new relationship, with a very sexually active 60-year-old woman. I have come to the conclusion that I could use some help in fulfilling her sexual needs. Can you recommend any particular vibrators and/or other toys? Also, where can I purchase them?
— Fell in love after all these years
Hurray for thriving sex drives after 60! Our youth- and sex-obsessed culture does a great job of convincing us that sex ends after 50 — Shoot, maybe even 40.
These stereotypes about who is “allowed” to be sexual and enjoy sexual pleasure are harmful. Sex and sexuality is a part of our entire lives even if it changes shape as we go along, and the more we talk about sex beyond the socially sanctioned bracket of 18-30 years old, the better.
So let’s talk! My very first recommendation is that, if you can, you seek out an in-person, boutique sex toy purchasing experience such as a visit to Oh My Sensuality Shop in Northampton. Their knowledgeable, trained, friendly staff can help you pick out products particularly suited to your needs much better than Amazon.com can, plus you’ll be supporting local business while you do.
Nothing says “This is the dildo for me” like getting to hold the actual floor model in your hands, feel the texture of the material, gauge the size, and see the color in real life. In person you can also test dozens of lubes on your fingertips, put the particular zing of a vibrator to your palm, and feel the unique snap of a slapper.
In my utopia, one of these shops would exist in every town. But they’re simply not accessible to all. When shopping online, stick to boutiques that are part of the Progressive Pleasure Club (progressivepleasureclub.com), a membership-based group of sex toy shops around the country that all prioritize ethical sex toy selling values such as inclusion, consent, and a rigorous sex toy selection process. This is a great first step in weeding out all the crappy materials and poorly made toys a simple Google search of “vibrator for my girlfriend” will provide.
Sex toys have become both higher-end and more beautiful in the last couple of decades as stigma declines and pleasure-positivity skyrockets. Your girlfriend’s body has likely shifted in its 60 years to require a little more patience and gentleness when it comes to penetration and vibration. Check out softer silicone vibrators and dildos such as those made by FunFactory (especially their G5 line), JimmyJane, JeJoue, and Lelo. These companies create toys that are rechargeable, body-safe, and easy to clean. Their models also boast a variety of vibration settings — so she can experiment with what works for her — and are graceful and sophisticated in their design and aesthetic. Many of these toys don’t project vibration into their handles either, which is nice for wrist/hand joints that get sore easily either from arthritis or just livin’.
The rechargeable Hitachi Magic Wand is my go-to vibrator. It’s strong, rumbly, has a wide stimulation surface area, and can be strategically propped up against or between pillows for hands-free positioning that accommodates a wide range of bodies. However, no vibrator or sex toy is one-size-gets-off-all so make sure to check in with her about what kind of vibration strength she might know/think she’ll enjoy before spending your money.
Don’t leave without buying at least one super-hydrating lubricant to protect her vaginal tissues and create more glide between her and her new toy (or your body). Good Clean Love just came out with their new lube CaraGold, which is a hybrid water-based lube featuring hemp oil. This natural oil locks in slickness longer, which older bodies’ drier labia landscapes will appreciate. It’s organic, free of harmful additives, and latex-safe. Other great lube companies to check out include Yes Lube (especially their oil-based lube for drier skin, which is not latex-safe) and Sliquid.
Finally, round out your gift with a copy of one of Joan Price’s affirming, educational, and joyful books like Sex After Sixty or Naked at our Age which focus on personal stories, conundrums, and advice to help readers figure it all out.
Yana Tallon-Hicks is a pleasure-positive writer and educator living in the Pioneer Valley. She has a website bursting with sex advice, resources, and workshops at yanatallonhicks.com.