Bizarro Briefs: Holy Handgun, Batman!

A man and woman dressed as Batman characters were shot by police while having sex in an Australian nightclub. The man, dressed as the Joker, was shot in the stomach after police mistook his fake gun for a real one. The woman was dressed as Harley Quinn, and was shot in the leg. Roughly 40 police officers raided the event, called the Saints and Sinners Ball — and reportedly billed as a “no-holds-barred extravaganza of adult fun,” on its website. Police said the man pointed the fake gun at officers.

A Pot-astrophe

Nevada’s governor has endorsed a statement of emergency — the state is low on marijuana. Since sale of recreational weed went into effect at the beginning of the month, the state’s 47 licensed retail marijuana stores have experienced sales far exceeding their expectations, so much so that the Nevada Tax Commission is considering emergency regulations to provide a new structure for sales to prevent stores from running out of weed.

Dangers of Fossil Fuel Use

*Arlington, Texas, police were called to a home in which a man had doused himself with gasoline and threatened to kill himself. In attempting to subdue the man, a police officer used a Taser on him, which quickly ignited him in flames. The man was taken to the hospital along with three officers who were treated for smoke inhalation.

*A 38-year-old Pennsylvania woman got so upset with her boyfriend she lit him on fire and then put him out with a bucket of urine. Police, who arrested the woman and charged her with attempted homicide and arson, said she waited until her boyfriend was asleep before dousing him with gasoline and lighting him on fire with a lit cigarette. When the man’s parents — who live in the same house as the couple — heard his screaming, they came down to help put out the fire, also using the same urine.

Errant Pooches

*A lost dog found its way home after nine months lost in the Idaho mountains, including during a brutal winter. The elderly retriever — Mo — strayed from her owners during a hunting trip, and the couple stayed near Horseshoe Bend outside of Boise for three months looking for her. They had to give up when deep snow and harsh conditions made the search impossible. But a dog rescuer came across Mo — who had lost half her body weight while surviving in the wild — last month, according to the Idaho Statesman. She was reunited with her thankful family.

*A dog left alone in an idling truck last week in Kenai, Alaska, died when it accidentally shifted the car into drive or neutral. The truck rolled into the Kenai River, where the dog drowned.

A Real Shit Show

Performers often shoot for an explosive performance; what patrons at a popular Canadian strip club witnessed, however, was explosive diarrhea. Dancers at a Winnipeg club came down with diarrhea after eating from the free buffet, and multiple dancers lost control of their bowels on stage, according to the Alberta Times. One unnamed witness described what he saw as a stream of brown liquid that “gushed over the stage.” Some guests vomited while others ran for the exits. The dancers themselves had a difficult time escaping. As another witness observed, “high heels and diarrhea really don’t mix.”

It Doesn’t Contain Cheetos

Jonathan Townsend, who hosts a popular YouTube channel dedicated to 18th-century history, released a video this month that chided a recent spate of negative comments left on his channel. Three days prior, he had released a video shot at George Washington home, Mont Vernon, featuring a dessert the first president purportedly enjoyed called “Orange Fool.” Supporters of Donald Trump took the video, which contains no references to modern politics, as an attack on the president.

The Handmaid’s Tale In Action

A new Arkansas law requires women who seek an abortion to get permission from the man who impregnated them before they can proceed. The measure, which was signed into law in March and goes into effect at the end of July, includes aborted fetuses in a rule stating family members must agree on what to do with the remains of their dead relatives. That also means that parents of girls under 18 can decide whether their daughters can have an abortion. Abortion rights activists, including the American Civil Liberties Union, are fighting to delay the implementation of the law.

Way To Ruin My Century

In completely depressing news, CNN columnist John Sutter reported on new research suggesting the Earth is entering a mass-extinction event, meaning that three-quarters of all species could disappear in the coming centuries. Research says the event will be the sixth major extinction event. The most recent — the fifth — was the event that wiped out the dinosaurs.

Land of the Free, Home of the Roadkill

A Smithfield, Virginia, man pleaded guilty this week to shooting a bald eagle and then running it over with his all-terrain vehicle. He said he was upset it had been hunting and taking fish from a pond on his property. Originally, he said he shot it with a .22 rifle and then finished off the bird with a pistol shot, but changed his story after an autopsy revealed the bird had died of blunt trauma. The man faces up to a year in prison and a $100,000 fine, though the pistol seized from him will be returned as part of the plea agreement.

A Hero To The End

Joe Howlett of Campobello Island, New Brunswick, ended a streak of saving two dozen whales over the past 15 years after the last one he freed struck and killed him. The whale was an endangered right whale, which is believed to have a global population of barely more than 500. Described as an irreplaceable member of the whale rescue community, the Canadian federal fisheries department offered sympathies to the family and friends of the father of two. “Taking part in whale rescue operations requires immense bravery and a passion for the welfare of marine mammals,” the department’s statement read.

Why Didn’t He Just Yell Out?

A technician repairing an ATM in Corpus Christi, Texas, reportedly got stuck in the machine while attempting to change the lock. He didn’t have his phone, but he apparently had a pen and paper, which he put to use writing notes he slipped to visitors to the still functional ATM through the receipt slot. Several people thought it was a joke, but someone eventually called the police, who were able to free him.

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