Bizarro Briefs: So I Divorced an Axe-Thrower

We’ve all seen the extravagant divorce celebrations: divorce cakes with decorations rivaling wedding centerpieces, “newly single” clubbing events that make bachelor and bachelorette parties look tame, and more.

Now, you can throw axes as part of that celebration — so long as it’s at pictures or stuff that reminds you of your ex.

Bad Axe Throwing has hosted everything from businesses to birthdays, but as they told the Washingtonian, divorce parties were a hit from the get-go. “When people are going through these major life changes, it’s a fun way to get together with their support systems,” said marketing and development coordinator Melanie St. Amour. “Instead of [going to] the bar, they throw an ax, release some stress.”

Slippery Situation

Someone’s lunch got away in the Scarborough, Ontario, mall, leaving security to deal with the two live eels, squirming around on the floor. The eels were of a variety usually used for cooking, not pets.

Scarborough Town Center marketing director Jai Lee told the Toronto Star, “they do not know the thought process of the individual who left behind the eels, whether this was a carefully planned prank or merely an accident that has left someone without their slippery dinner.”

Security took the fishy duo to nearby Big Al’s pet store, where they were quickly placed in an aquarium.

“We’re going to keep them safe and healthy until the proper conservation authorities come in and assess what needs to be done with them,” aquarium manager Lee Tomlin told the Toronto Star.

Toot, Toot, Woof, Woof

Trains now bark like dogs in Japan. Why? To chase away the deer. The sound of a roaring train approaching is not enough to spook these stolid creatures, but the new barking trains have resulted in 40 percent fewer deer being seen from the trains, according to newspaper Asahi Shimbun.

The combination of sounds — three seconds of deer snorting to alert other deer of danger, followed by 20 seconds of a yapping dog — should serve to reduce train/deer collisions, according to its developers, the Railway Technical Research Institute.

It’s a new solution to a big problem: In fiscal 2016, according to transport ministry figures, there were a record 613 cases across Japan of train services suspended or delayed for at least 30 minutes due to collisions with deer and other wild animals, the Asahi Shimbun reports.

“Douchebag” War in Billerica

A feud between a pizza parlor and its residential neighbor is growing due to the fence between them shrinking.

The fence, apparently lowered during a recent renovation to Sal’s Pizza in Billerica, now shows a clear view into the neighbor’s backyard. In response, that neighbor wrote the word “douchebag” on his barn in foot-high letters.

“They made my whole yard into a fishbowl,” he told the Lowell Sun. “The fence used to be higher, so you couldn’t see. Now, the new fence is lower, so you can sit there in the car and watch my whole house.”

Sal’s Pizza said they agreed to install an eight-foot fence, but moved forward with the current six-foot version after the man grew frustrated with construction workers installing the higher version.

Billerica’s building commissioner, told the Lowell Sun that the neighbor “had a fit, throwing them off his property.”

Meanwhile, town officials are fuming over what they call a blight, but the police department say they can’t make the man take the word down.

A Very Violent Sneeze

A 34-year-old man living in the United Kingdom tried to stifle a sneeze, but ended up making things much worse when the force of the would-be sneeze backfired and tore through the soft tissue in his throat, rupturing part of it. X-rays showed that the pressure from the sneeze ruptured his pharynx and caused air bubbles to form in his neck’s soft tissue, which caused a popping sensation. Doctors hospitalized the man fearing that he could form a deep neck infection. He was given a feeding tube, received antibiotics, and was released a week later after his injuries healed.

The Yelp Health Detectives

The New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene has found an unlikely resource in the fight against food poisoning — Yelp. The city’s health department have been working alongside researchers from Columbia University since 2012 by scanning Yelp reviews to hunt for clues about potential food poisoning prone restaurants. The goal was to find reviews with key words and phrases such as “got sick”, “vomit,” “diarrhea,” and “food poisoning.” The department has identified more than 8,500 complaints of foodborne illnesses during the past five and a half years.

Batty for the Underground

An international team of scientists have discovered the fossilized remains of an extinct species of giant burrowing bat previously unknown to science. The fossil was discovered near the town of St. Bathans in Central Otago, New Zealand, in sediments that formed 16 to 19 million years ago. The ancestors of modern-day Australian burrowing bats were three times their size, and had specialized teeth that allowed them to devour a variety of plants and small animals. Scientists believe the extinct bat species did not survive a global climate change that brought colder and drier conditions to prehistoric New Zealand.

Freezing Eyelashes

In the village of Oymyakon in the Yakutia region of Russia it’s literally so cold that people’s eyelashes are freezing. Temperatures have dropped down to -88.6 degrees Fahrenheit. The region is known as one of the coldest places on the planet, but frigid temperatures such as these haven’t been recorded in the same village since 1933. Temperatures are so cold that cars must be left running to prevent batteries from dying and frostbite can develop on exposed skin in less than five minutes.

A Kindred Spirit

All marriages have their obstacles to overcome. One couple that recently tied the knot in a boat off of the Irish coast exemplifies this: the husband has been dead for about 300 years. A 45-year-old woman who has been married before was visited by the spirit of a Haitian pirate named Jack and decided that he was her “soulmate,” she said. She said they are like any other couple; they have arguments, go on dates, and even have sex. The woman, a Captain Jack Sparrow impersonator, called it “the perfect kind of relationship.” “There are a lot of people out there who don’t know about spiritual relationships, but it could be right for them,” she told the Mirror. “I want to get the message out there.”

Pornography, the Public Health Scourge

A legislative committee in Florida overwhelmingly passed a measure declaring pornography a “public health risk.” Republican Ross Spano, a candidate for Attorney General in Florida, sponsored the resolution, and told the health and human services committee that pornography can lead to “deviant, problematic, or dangerous sexual behavior” among other risks. The committee voted almost unanimously to pass the measure, with only Republican Rep. Cary Pigman, a medical doctor, voting against. Pigman said there were other “far more pressing” health concerns, including hypertension, diabetes, obesity, and Zika.

Have ideas for bizarro briefs? Send them to deisen@valleyadvocate.com.

Author: Advocate Staff

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