I was messing around with my wife’s tape measure last night — she’d had it out to measure her pregnant belly — and I thought to myself, "hey, let’s see what my waistline is these days."
I’ve put on about ten pounds in the last few months (I’m not quite sure why, actually — I’m attributing it to sympathetic pregnancy), and my 32" pants have been feeling a little tight lately, so I figured that maybe I was at a 33".
Instead, my waist seemed to measure 35". I say "seemed" because my 32" pants still fit, if snugly, and the 33"s I bought recently are actually a bit loose, so I’m assuming (or trying to persuade myself) that there’s been a kind of grade inflation in the men’s clothing industry, so that a 32" is really, at this point, a 34" or 35". Granted that would still mean I have a 35" waist, but at least it would mean that I’ve long had such a waist and haven’t suddenly become a fatty.
And in case you were wondering, yes, I do know how ridiculous my concern is, particularly since I’ve actually been looking and feeling pretty healthy lately. I’ve been exercising a few times a week, lifting weights once a month or so, and doing various household chores and tasks that firm up the musculature. The circumference of my waist is just a number, and seems as if it should be irrelevant so long as I’m looking and feeling healthy and trim.
Yet that’s the rub of what’s known in the business as body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), of which I probably have a very mild form and which the Los Angeles Body Dysmorphic Disorder Clinic defines thusly:
Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is a severe condition that involves a preoccupation with a perceived defect in appearance. Individuals with BDD experience excessive shame, anxiety, and often depression about their appearance. BDD suffers often seek dermatologic or cosmetic surgical procedures and frequently use or avoid mirrors. Much of their self-worth is related to how they feel about their appearance.
I haven’t yet sought out the plastic surgeon, but I look in the mirror too much (or avoid it, when I fear I’m not looking good), am very sensitive to minor fluctuations in my appearance, and just generally worry way, way too much about how I look for someone who’s a pretty good-looking guy.
Men are weird, huh?
