I’ve often wondered how we got to a point in our government in which somebody thought, "Hey, what this crapshoot needs is a czar!"
A czar?
(This is Bob Pease, who declared himself czar of bandgaps. He understands.)
Last I checked, a czar (tsar, if you’re extra cool) was a Russian emperor sort of dude. A Slavonicization (is that a word?) of "caesar," who we all know was the guy who invented salad.
It’s been around a while in English– according to some etymologists as early as 1866. But I’m just old enough to remember it being all the rage in the ’80s with the newfound importance of the "drug czar." That early phase of the "war on drugs" also brought us Nancy Reagan sitting in Mr. T’s lap.
But now Sergeant Bush has decided we need a "food safety czar." Recently, he also suggested a war czar, but nobody was dumb enough to say, "Hey, pick me for fall guy!" Maybe if Bush had offered a really cool czar hat?
I find it utterly inexplicable that a modern liberal democracy (well, the remains of it) would employ a czar. I know since that revolution what-have-you there in 1918 czars have been hard up for work, but do we really need these guys? They don’t really know all that much about democracy, and they’re all 19th-century and stuff, with weird facial hair and a phalanx of samovars in the budget. Can we afford samovars?
Anyway. I think we ought to reconsider this title. There are many more terms we could choose from for positions of high authority. We could have a food safety Potentate, for instance. Or a Marquis de Eye-rack. Maybe an immigration Oberleutnant? An EPA Poobah? They’d probably come with pretty cool hats.
Just a little addendum
I had to exorcise this particular grammar demon in some fashion. And so I’ll just get on with it.
Sick. Of. People. Writing. With. Periods. As. Some. Kind. Of. Weird. Emphasis. @$#%. Off. People. Who. Do. That.
OK. I just had to say that. I feel better now. I hate what advertising does to our language.
