I left Texas, but Texas keeps catching up to me. There’s a lot to like about the Lone Star State when you get outside the realm of politics, but among the most annoying things in Texas, one finds former Senator Phil Gramm. The Texas Turtle, as I call him. When he talks to reporters, he gazes down upon them from behind large glasses, calculating in a very slow reptilian fashion. Trouble is, every calculation comes down to the same things: lower taxes, an analogy about the Texas A&M football team, and my favorite, the "Dicky Flatt test." Gramm always compared things to the 12th man on the A&M football team (if you don’t know what that is, well, don’t bother yourself about it). Then he nattered on about Dicky Flatt, a printer from Mexia, Texas. He didn’t seem to find any of this amusing, either. He also boasts a terrible, slow as molasses accent, not the very pleasant variety you can find in certain parts of the state.
So now Gramm is back, advising the McCain camp on economics. Granted, that’s kind of like putting a vampire in charge of the blood bank, but this is the maverick we’re talking about here. Gramm vice chairman of Swiss bank UBS, implicated in some current mortgage-related nefariousness, but again, this is the maverick.
Today Gramm came out his shell to tell us all about the "mental recession." Turns out, he says, everything is fine with the economy. The real problem? "We have sort of become a nation of whiners," Gramm said. "You just hear this constant whining, complaining about a loss of competitiveness, America in decline."
It probably does look that way from the top of UBS. But Gramm is vice chairman in charge of BS, I think, not the U part.
Here’s hoping the message gets spread far and wide: McCain’s campaign says you, yes you there with the pink slip and a mortgage to pay, you’re just whining. And oh yeah, vote for me!
