Bassist Republcan former-governor Mike Huckabee and current Fox news host (seen here with this stalwart of advancing intelligent and aware conversations on women's issues) pretty much lost all political credibility after his mild-mannered display in the 2008 presidential election. He now condescendingly prosthletizes for an hour each week about right-wing politics and god (a fitting choice for a man who started out in T.V. evangelism) before jamming-out on the bass with some other Fox News nerds playing some Baptist iteration of funk as the credits roll. Blech.
He recently wrote a poem called "Fancy Nancy" in which he calls for Nancy Pelosi to retire, calls her out on the torture HIS PARTY committed, and criticizes her fashion sense. First of all, anyone who regularly tucks an oxford shirt into belted-jeans, unwisely accentuating his man hips, doesn't get to say anything about what anyone wears. Second, the poem's syllabic structure is so bad it reminds me of the incoherent strings of couplets that certain of my sixth grade classmates came up with during poetry week in English class. It has like four different feet (Huckabee vazcillates between disyllables and trisyllables, no easy task) and they're all (ironically) left. It's so bad I want him to rap it. I bet he would. Here it is, dear reader, for your pleasure, in its intirety:
Fancy Nancy
by Mike Huckabee
"Here's a story about a lady named Nancy
A ruthless politician, but dressed very fancy
Very ambitious, she got herself elected Speaker
But as for keeping secrets, she proved quite a "leaker."She flies on government planes coast to coast
And doesn't mind that our economy is toast
She makes the Air Force squire her in their military jets
There's room for her family, her staff, and even her pets.Until now, she annoyed us, but her gaffes were mostly funny;
Even though it was painful to watch her waste our tax money.
But now her wacky comments are no laughing matter;
She's either unwilling to tell the truth, or she's mad as a hatter!She sat in briefings and knew about enhanced interrogation;
But claims she wasn't there, and can't give an explanation.
She disparages the CIA and says they are a bunch of liars;
Even the press aren't buying it and they're stoking their fires.I think Speaker Pelosi has done too much speaking;
And instead of her trashing our intelligence officials, it's her nose that needs tweaking.If forced to believe whether the CIA and her colleagues in Congress are lying;
Or it's Speaker Pelosi whose credibility and career is dying.
I believe in the integrity of the men and women who sacrifice to keep us safe;
Not the woman who has been caught flat-footed, lying to our face.I say it here and I say it rather clear-
It's time for Nancy Pelosi to resign and get out of here."
Stay tuned. I feel it may be time to pen an equally simple (and I mean that in the worst sense) ode to the Huck, though I fear it may be difficult to write with the same lack of imagery and lyrical awareness.
