My favorite part of the awesome "birther" movement is its current lawyer-in-chief, Orly Taitz. Not only is her name suggestive of some sort of nebulous and non-specific foreign-ness, her accent and her look are a sort of amalgamation of the Gabor sisters and 700 Club chic. (She appears to be Moldavian in origin.) Her website looks like a portal to early 1998. All of which qualifies as awesome, even rad, perhaps def.
But all of that is eclipsed by other facts. Taitz is a lawyer, yes, but one who received her degree from a "distance-learning" facility that is recognized only by the California bar. Taitz is also a dentist. Just think–if she screws up your root canal, you could also employ her to sue! But you might not want to hire her–she doesn't appear to be a very good lawyer. From another Orange County Weekly story:
Taitz tried to have one of her volunteers serve Barack Obama, but she ran into some difficulty when secret service and the White House fences wouldn't let her get close enough. Still, she dropped off the materials with a mail clerk (didn't get his name, though). Now, the court has notified Taitz that she hasn't properly served the defendant as pursuant to federal rules governing how to sue a government official.
Uh-oh! But the most awesome thing about Orly Taitz is that she appears to claim Obama is from two places at once. He is, she says, an “arrogant jerk from Africa and Indonesia.”
Well, I know a thing or two about that, since I was born on the Texas-Oklahoma line. I take it in stride, though. Rather than being forced into Merle Haggard fandom and knowing how to cook nopales, I choose to adopt the moniker "Texoman" when it is necessary. Although it never is. And really, at the end of the day, I was just south of the line, so, thank the Lord, I'm certifiably Texan. Maybe only by a hundred yards or so, but it still counts. Because being Oklahoman and Texan at the same time is just like a matter/antimatter collision, although it's probably not as hard as being born in Africa and Indonesia.
ADDITIONAL: In light of the interesting turn to "I don't believe it but why won't you answer, Obama, why?!?" argument below, I give you what may well be the definitive answer to why the birther movement is not gaining credibility. With a spokesperson like Orly Taitz, it's hard to fathom why Barack Obama wouldn't invite her and a crew of birthers over for a beer and some teabagging.
Personally, I think the movement needs more Orly, even if I can't stand more than about 30 seconds of this:
ADDITIONALLY ADDITIONAL: You tell 'em, Joe! I'm hurt, I tell you, hurt. You've clearly proven the whole thing true. But let the record show that being a joke is nowhere near as interesting as being a jest or a whimsy. I once came to school dressed as a jape, however, and started one of those trends your parents always tell you you'll start.
However, while you were worrying about obscure birther points of conspiracy, I found out the truth:
ADDITIONALLY ADDITIONAL JUST FOR JOE WHO'S COMMENTING ON STUFF: Because it's my blog, Potentate, and it's more fun that way. (Ever get tired of politics? I do.) Also, because the comments don't allow for my extraordinary dependence on umlauts and that weird Scandinavian "o" thing, which make everything almost as cool as when ninjas came after Ross Perot.
ADDITIONALLY EVEN MORE ADDITIONAL JUST FOR JOE WHO'S COMMENTING ON STUFF: I've been called porcine! And I thought I had more in common with the lowly gibbon. If you need them, use these: ø ø ø ø ø. And also, Å.
