Because the doc says I have flu, and the CDC says 99% of flu right now is the swine version, I can with some unpleasant confidence say that, hooboy, I seem to have got the stuff! I'm happy to report that all seems well after 3 days (one of them an absolute record-breaker for pure misery), but this virus ain't one to toy with, seeing as mutations happen with influenza strains with great regularity, and almost nobody is immune to this one yet.
Avoid it if you can, and if you get it, for the love of Mergatroid, stay home! Don't go around broadcasting the virus to one and all just because you heard that Betty in accounting had it and well, she came to work so what's the difference. Trust me–your friends will hate you if you give them this.
But as I said, there is an upside. It's a small consolation, but now I find that the very thought of a nice crisp slice of smoky bacon gives me not only all the wonderful saturated-fat wonderfulness that bacon always does, it also gives me a thrill of revenge. Because the pigs–well, this is their flu. I don't want it, pigs, and I will eat you. I didn't think it was possible for bacon to get better. Yet it just did.
And yes, yes, I realize that factory farming of pigs may well be to blame, and I don't eat that kind of meat. But since the swine flu has coursed through my veins, I may go get some organic happy bacon and make a massive, massive bacon cheeseburger the second I get over my last sniffle of this porky business. And I will love it.
