I should have known. Let yourself be pulled into watching an actual network television show (although they seem to be calling them television “events” now, which gives drooling in front of the screen a whole new sheen of excitement to enjoy as you reach out for a beverage now and then), and before long, it will become just as stupid as everything else.
I’m talking about Modern Family here. It’s a surprisingly good comedy. But last week’s episode was an unfunny (well, mildly funny, but well below their usual standard) infomercial for the iPad, complete with a character fondling the thing at the end and saying “I love you” to it. Wow, is that funny. Or more accurately: wow, is that funny?
I don’t get the iPad fascination. Just buy yourself an iPhone and a magnifying glass, and you’ll be all set. The thing looks ridiculous. It makes me remember fondly the first time my old friend (and bassist) showed up to rehearsal with his new Conklin 7-string bass. I mean, the dude can flat play, no question. But the 7-string looked like a comedy prop:
I couldn’t stop laughing, no matter how good it sounded.
The iPad seems far less useful, however, than a 7-string bass. It’s like an iPhone for clowns. What’s next–the iTable? Come to think of it, that might be better. You know, virtual Twister and stuff.
Granted, I’m not the target audience–I don’t even own a cell phone. But what really bugs me about the thing, and I mean really bugs me, is that it takes away every form of input save fondling. And yeah, yeah, I know it’s got some sort of touch keyboard. But so do the Timex-Sinclair ZX-81 and debit card machines–but can you imagine typing a story on them? It’s as if the notion of using the thing for creation never entered anyone’s mind.
We’re all supposed to download “apps” from Apple and sit around pawing our comedy props like umbically attached TVs. Brings “consuming” to a whole new level, and deifying consumption is what will, I’m convinced, end our relevance. The iPad primarily seems to develop further the notion that you can customize your consuming. That’s simply not exciting.
I daresay Cory Doctorow is in agreement with this notion, and his “iPad blows” piece is generating firestorms all over the Intertoobz at present. But this little graph from another piece about iPad needing a handy way for people to create with it says it best: “If the iPad is just another consumer platform for consuming and not creating content, then it will just be another way to watch TV or listen to music or download information. Convenient, yes, but just another device.”
Exactly. It took me years to get an iPod, and I love the thing for its single-purpose use–making my massive CD collection fit in my pocket. But the first thing I did was install Rockbox instead of Apple software on it so I could use ogg vorbis files and MP3 files alike–Apple doesn’t even offer iTunes for Linux anyway. I hope the legions of tinkerers are hard at work making that kind of thing possible for iPad. Who knows–some iteration of the thing a few years down the pike might actually be interesting then.
