…but it doesn’t have to. Sure, for some, three’s a crowd. But for others, three’s a party. And a party’s always better with a little planning.
Though there are all kinds of threesomes, I’m focusing on the couple/third-wheel variety, as it’s more common and complicated than most other types. If you are the third wheel to a couple, your key to a no-fuss threesome is to follow the leader(s).
Generally, the couple is in charge. They’ve invited you into something personal. You’re the guest in this situation and like all good party guests, you should come. on time, not get hammered drunk and not overstay your welcome.
As for the couple, they’re throwing the party here. And the first step to party-planning is figuring out who to invite. Choosing an ex is never a good idea. Sudden bursts of mid-romp jealousy or lingering unfinished business can thicken that thin line between pleasure and pain.
One viable option is choosing at random. Randoms can be ideal given that you practice safer sex (and safer picking up practices) as you have no risk of damaging a pre-threesome friendship, nor do you have any standing obligation to see them again. Personal ads are perfect in this situation, as everyone’s intentions are explicitly spelled out from the start.
A friend can be extra-sticky (in good and bad ways). Friend pros include being comfortable with the person, trusting the level of respect they have for you and your partner’s relationship, and having the background knowledge of how they typically act post hookup. Do they fall in love at first orgasm? Or can they appreciate a one-night wonder for what it is?
The main con, of course, is potentially ruining your friendship. Ask yourself, “Why this friend?” Because you’ve always wondered how they are in the sack? Or is this revenge sex for that time she stole your prom date? Be honest with yourself to avoid complications.
For the best of both worlds, an acquaintance (not a co-worker!) can be great. You know they’re not some serial threesome killer, but it won’t be the end of the world if you never see them again.
Stay away from three’s-a-crowd problems by agreeing on some rules. What’s allowed? Kissing, penetration, her favorite move it took you months to master? Are certain body parts, actions or toys off limits? Who’s allowed to do what to whom?
I hope I don’t have to twist your arm to picture your own threesome. Yes, it looks good, but also think about the iffy scenarios. What if Third Wheel does that thing you know he likes so much? Do you go into a fit of rage? Or is it hot seeing him get it from someone else? A threesome requires three, so make sure to check in with each other and yourself beforehand to prevent being left in a duo’s dust.
Though the ideal threesome is all peace, love and lube when the lights are out, the sun does come up eventually. What happens post-threesome? Does Third Wheel sleep over? Will there be encores? It’s impossible to prevent chemistry, so be sure you’re both confident that you can appropriately deal with any unplanned feelings for Third Wheel that may arise. Establish a threesome aftercare program for you and your partner that involves reconnecting through things you only do with each other —whether it be using that special toy or going out to your favorite restaurant.
So what happens between your pre- and post-threesome plans? Well, that’s the fun, unscripted part! See how your partner used to sexually hunt and destroy before you came along. Watch her get off from a completely different angle. See how far a set of extra hands can really go. Lastly, go heavy on the lube and light on the alcohol; drunk sex is just bad sex no matter how many people are involved, and you’ve got a lot of extra places to explore, so lubricate accordingly.
For inspiration and tips on threesome positioning and other practicalities, check out Tristan Taormino’s educational porn the Expert Guide to Threesomes and Vicki Vantoch’s The Threesome Handbook. Happy hunting!
