You’re feeling a little curious. You’ve been casually asking questions, maybe doing a little Internet research. You’ve probably come across answers like “Only when I’m drunk” and “Only around my boyfriend” and a little book called The Straight Girl’s Guide to Sleeping with Chicks by Jen Sincero.
But maybe you’re more committed than that—you’d like to soberly remember your lady loving, want to ditch the boyfriend and find the word “chicks” off-putting.
I certainly did. And, unlike Sincero, a self-proclaimed “straight chick and girl-on-girl dabbler,” I am actually a straight girl who slept with another girl and liked it. I’ll happily be your recruitment specialist—I mean—your straight girl guide to lesbian-loving.
First, who are you attracted to? Femme, butch, trans, your best friend, all of the above? In this modern world of flexible gender identity and fluid body types, it’s important to do your research and prepare, as different straight girl/non-straight girl scenarios come with different challenges.
Avoid the straight girl/straight girl combination at first. Without a seasoned professional in the mix to take charge, you’re bound to be giving each other topless, giggling back massages for hours before anyone comes anywhere close to an orgasm.
My biggest (and a common) hurdle was looking “too straight” to get a non-straight girl to realize that, yes, I’m trying to hit on you. Contrary to stereotypes, you don’t have to cut your hair or get inked to wave your rainbow flag. After months of playing “Yes! I want to go gay!” with my own latte-making lesbian-of-choice, I helped things along by reading my lesbian research books at her cafe counter while complaining about my lesbian-themed thesis. That worked.
Being anatomically similar doesn’t automatically award you a muff-diving degree. All vaginas respond differently to stimulation and unless you’re blessed with some major flexibility, nothing can really prepare you for complicated cunnilingus. Practice some digital techniques with masturbation. If you’re too afraid of your own lady-parts to do so, the lesbian life may not be for you after all.
Be wary of male-centric porn and advice (no offense, guys). A man picking up a woman and a straight girl picking up a non-straight girl are just different (try calling a butch “little lady” and see how far it gets you). Learn from porn made by women for women. Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Female Orgasms will gear you up to give, the Crash Pad Series’ girly grit conquers stereotypes that lady-sex is all sweet softness, and Felice Newman’s The Whole Lesbian Sex Book thoroughly prepares.
Familiarize yourself with Lesbianland’s lingo and rules before heading in. Though you may hear your favorite lezzie doing so, throwing around the word “dyke” your first night at Diva’s isn’t the smartest thing to do. Show social responsibility by staying up to date on the fight for gay rights; if you’re really in the dark, reading lesbian classics like Leslie Feinberg’s Stone Butch Blues can give you valuable insight into GLBT history.
Even though you’re going gay in the hay, stick to straight talk. Telling your potential lady-lover that it’s your first time is recommended, but telling her that she’s your weird experiment isn’t. Though this might be all fun for you, queer women actually have legitimate feelings for other women, so treat those feelings with respect. However, chances are you’re not the first straight girl to come knocking, so make sure all are clear about their intentions for a hot one-nighter or more.
Many non-straight men and women have a Topping/bottoming or Do-er/get done dynamic that’s worth asking about before the clothes come off. Be prepared for a much more complex, lengthy and communicative romp than you may be used to with straight sex. Ask for feedback, permission and direction and really listen to the answers.
Last, cut your fingernails before jumping into the Sapphic sack, because you won’t be getting even close to gay with those daggers you straight girls call acrylics.
