Three short months after meeting my wife-to-be in San Francisco, I was forced, kicking and screaming, back to the East Coast where I had started, and needed to finish, my undergrad degree. Four months and 3,000 miles apart on a college student’s budget is a great recipe for a horrible long-distance relationship. And even though we were hanging on by our fingernails at times, I did eventually marry the girl, so it must have ended well.
I’d credit our healthy sex life. “Sex life? 3,000 miles apart?” you might exclaim. Though your heartstrings can easily stretch 300 or 3,000 miles for someone you love, your hands, fingers or other body parts can’t always bridge the gap. Good thing sex can go the distance even when you can’t.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again —Skype saved my relationship. Yes, face time is priceless long-distance but with OhMiBod’s Better Than Chocolate vibe, your face isn’t the only body part that’ll get some screen time. Skype it real good with this genius toy’s wireless Skype-compatibility, which has it vibrating to the fluctuations of your partner’s voice, making for a hot, one-shot home-porno without the risk that it’ll be streamed to YouTube if this long-distance thing doesn’t work out after all.
Also music-compatible, Better Than Chocolate pulses to your favorite beats. Make your sweetie a pelvis-bucking playlist, scoring extra points for a self-recorded, orgasmic original soundtrack.
Long-distance loving requires dirty talk. Read past column “The Sweet Couple’s Guide to Getting Spicy” to get the raunch rolling off your tongue, and invest in a wireless headset which can come in awfully… handy… during phone sex. If pussy’s got your tongue, try sexting, reading erotica to each other or watching the same porn simultaneously.
Hands-on types can send a different message with the Clone-a-Willy Kit, which gives you the tools to make a silicone replica of your favorite piece of anatomy—penis, fist, or any other flesh you fancy. Complete with a bullet vibe to give an optional buzz to your dirty double and a svelte pricetag of $42, the Clone Kit is actually cheaper than many off-the-shelf dildos and will feel awfully familiar to your long-distance love (babeland.com).
There are two things I’ve learned from US Magazine. 1. Stars are “Just Like US” because they, too, have needs for supplies like toilet paper, and 2. sending your main man or mama a dirty video or picture is a sure way to end up on the Internet, which will either destroy your Vanessa Hudgens-like innocence or make you even more famous-for-no-reason, like Paris Hilton.
If those results don’t sound appealing, I’d suggest getting your visual kicks through Skype and filling your kinky care packages with self-love supplies instead of compromising homemade media. Naughty magazines, vibrators, lube, porn, self-written erotica and masturbation sleeves (like the notorious Tenga) all send an excellent masturbate-while-you-think-of-me message. Send some unruly undergarments with instructions to inform you of when they’re being worn or, for the extra kinky, to send them back used and unwashed.
Those who enjoy a Top/bottom dynamic can take back Control/surrender from afar by sending a list of demands such as an XXX-rated shopping list with explicit instructions of what to do with the purchases. Or give bottom a wearable Incoqnito accessory like the Leather Handcuffs or Droplet Necklace vibrating pendant to wear as a constant reminder of what’s to come during your next visit (incoqnito.com).
Of course, long-distance relationships can’t survive on Skype-sex alone. Reinforce relationship attributes that are strained during physical absence like trust, communication and pampering.
Send some flowers or a massage gift certificate along with your naughty mailings, schedule regular phone date-nights just for talking, and make the distance more manageable with advanced plans to see each other on the foreseeable horizon. Though at times it might feel as if your right hand is your new girlfriend, just remember who you’re going the distance for. If you’re willing to wait, chances are they’re worth it.
