That’s something my dear old husband Dave said to me the other day when I got roped into something. So I have to admit I don’t say no a lot to begin with. But it also got me thinking about why we don’t like to say it to our children.
There’s the conventional wisdom that if we tell them no we’ll crush their spirit. Boy, we all bought that one way too easily. We can’t decide if it’s lazy or enlightened to let kids run rampant, but either way it’s not a great parenting choice.
Maybe it’s the idea that we want to be friends with our kids. Really cool hipster parents that are so down with everything that we will be unconditionally worshipped by our own children, and don’t stop there, all of their friends too!
Apologies if I’m bursting anyone’s bubble, but – that’s just not gonna happen.
Here’s another good one. I remember the feeling I had when my first child was born, that I would improve on how my parents raised me by always giving my kids everything they wanted to fulfill their every heart wish. (Mom and Dad – read on.)
Then you have your kids and you watch them interact with others. You see that if you don’t stop them, they will become the godzilla of preschool and take down everyone in their path. You realize this is no way to make friends. And maybe you don’t want to have to admit that one is your kid.
Saying no is hard. So we try to avoid it, we bargain, we bribe. We don’t really want to hurt our kids’ feelings or be the bad guy. But if we’re not direct we’re just setting ourselves up for a bigger struggle.
It took me a very long time but “No” eventually became my friend. My boys finally understand that No means No and they just move on. I love that. It makes all of our lives so much easier. And now that I’ve got it down when talking to my kids, maybe I can start practicing it with the adults in my life too.
Oh, and Mom and Dad – you were right.
