A few weekends ago we were at a soccer fundraising drive at a friend’s house. There were about ten adults stuffing envelopes while the kids played outside. There were also twelve kids, ages 8-12.
Lemme run that by you one more time: twelve kids, unsupervised, while the parents worked inside.
The yard is perfect for them because there’s a pool (all set) and what my friend calls the North Forty. It’s another whole yard behind the pool where they can play soccer. And since it was a soccer fundraiser, you know they all like the game.
There was the usual little bit of chaos with kids coming in and out of the house to change, and pee, and get pizza, but otherwise they stayed outside most of the time (with a few video game breaks when they got tired). Their volume would rise and fall according to whatever game they were playing, but nothing crazy or out of control ever happened.
After two hours I commented to the other parents that I was surprised there hadn’t been any accidents or kids asking for help with sharing. One of the dads instantly replied, “That’s because there are no parents out there to bother them.”
Ahh, refreshing. He’s so right. Our kids are desperate for time away from us, a chance to be alone with their peers and do their own thing. We used to get this on bike rides, hanging out at a neighborhood friend’s house, or meeting up at the park. We’ve lost this and I worry constantly that my kids are suffering for it.
I know they’ll still grow up relatively well-adjusted, but still. What’s missing from their development when they never get left alone to work it out? A middle school teacher I spoke to said a lot of her kids don’t even know how to have a conversation with each other. But as a grandmother, she understood the risks and fears of letting kids wander alone.
So I’m back where I often find myself, wishing for a different world for my kids but doing the best I can to raise good ones in the world I’ve got. Though I’d have to say after seeing them with their friends on fundraising night, I think things are going OK.
