Hello V-Spot,
I had a baby and now I’m so busy. I just want to buy a sex toy. I was going to get the newer JeJoue Mimi as I remember [from past columns] that was your favorite, but I read some people don’t like it and I don’t want to take the chance. I may get the Hitachi at some point. So I am up late researching, trying to get it bought, but I’m stuck. My days are so full and I need a little help.
So — why are there so many vibrators?! I know it’s probably because everyone likes different things, but how can I pick a winner? These things are so expensive. I don’t know — “buzzy” or “thumpy” or what? I think it’s hard to guess. Do you have an updated list to recommend to me? I plan to use it mostly for clitoral use, to start.
— From a very tired new mom in need of an orgasm every night
Ooooooooohhhhh Mama!,
Your vagina deserves some stellar pampering after all that hard work giving birth, and if you ask me, some nightly orgasms sound like just the ticket.
You’re right — so many vibrators exist because (kumbaya!) we all like different things. This is true for food, movies and, of course, sex. You’ll never find a vibrator that everyone loves, nor will you ever find one that doesn’t get a few negative reviews. Your vagina, your clitoris and your turn-ons are all as unique as tiny little X-rated snowflakes. So, though I wish I could help a tired new mom out and just give you The Winner, I can’t. You and your clitoris are the only ones with the power to do the “leg”work on this one. And I can set you on the right path.
Your automatic tilt towards the Je Joue Mimi and the Hitachi Magic Wand tell me that you’re leaning towards powerful vibration. If you know that you’re the type who enjoys firm and focused clitoral stimulation, stronger vibrators will probably do your body good. Both the Mimi and the Hitachi are known for packing quite a punch. Other high-quality, strong vibes include the JimmyJane Form 2 and Form 3 and The Stronic by Fun Factory. Except for the Hitachi, all of these vibes are made from body-safe silicone, are rechargeable, and have multiple speeds and vibration patterns.
The Hitachi, though probably the most powerful vibrator on the market thanks to the fact that it plugs into your wall socket, only has two speeds: strong and holy-mother-of-god-I-think-my-clit-might-explode. The Hitachi is not for the faint-of-clit and not well-suited for newbies such as yourself.
As a first-time vibe-buyer, you want to give yourself as much variety as possible. Why? Because you need to experiment.
Do you like consistent vibration? Pulsation patterns? Which one? Are you more the butterfly kisses type or the belt-sander type? These are all questions only you can answer. And there’s only one way to find out.
So for you I’d recommend a vibrator with multiple speeds and, better yet, pulsation pattern options and, even better, pulsation pattern options that can also be adjusted in intensity.
The vibes listed above made by JimmyJane, JeJoue, and Fun Factory range in the $100-$200 range. This is for good reason: they’re high quality, have amazing vibration variety and often come with warranties. If you’ve got the cash, totally spring for one of these. However, you always run the risk of simply disliking a vibrator — there’s no such thing as a satisfaction guarantee or a return policy when it comes to sex toys, so don’t break the bank.
The Ako by PicoBong will run you under $40 and has adjustable, powerful vibration modes. The cheap Easy Glider, $20, can only be slightly adjusted in speed, but it’s strong. The FunFactory Meany is about $50 and is like a less strong, junior version of their pricier models.
No matter which mama’s little helper you hire, make sure it’s made of body-safe silicone or TPR plastic. Both are easily washed with soap and water. Protect your tender new-mama bits with a hydrating lube like Yes water-based. Oh, and try not to wake the baby. •
