In Monty Python’s sketch “The Upper Class Twit of the Year,” the competition gets fierce. The commentator, voiced by John Cleese, runs down the lineup: “Vivian Smith-Smythe-Smith has an O-level in chemo-hygiene. Simon-Zinc-Trumpet-Harris, married to a very attractive table lamp. Nigel Incubator-Jones, his best friend is a tree, and in his spare time he’s a stockbroker.”
After the starting gun, the competitors head off in uncoordinated idiocy. “Here we go again and Simon’s fallen backwards. Here’s Nigel, he’s tripped. Nigel has tripped, and he’s under and Simon fails again. Here is Gervaise, and Simon is through by accident.” In the contest’s final event, the twits must shoot themselves, a barely manageable trick.
On the one hand, you could be forgiven for noting the resemblance to the current over-crowded crop of GOP presidential candidates (the Democrats may be feckless, but at least they’re relatively orderly so far), as a friend of mine recently did. On the other hand, what could be more off-base than a comparison of the American political class to the British upper class? In the U.K., after all, it’s often your name and bank account that confer access to power, no matter your aptitude or IQ. We fought a revolution over such stuff, throwing off the yoke of King George III and his coterie of earls, dukes, and marquises smelling of snuff and money. The whole God-given familial superiority thing is the ancient stuff of another continent we have little use for. We give power to the people, not to dynasties. We reward hard work and well-honed bootstrap technique, not inherited wealth and starpower.
The fact that we may find ourselves deciding between Bush III and Clinton II is that stuff called coincidence. The further fact that (another) one of the richest men in America just joined the race is nothing special, just a portent that we ought to buy hairspray futures.
Anyone can run for president in this country. Anybody can declare a candidacy and go head-to-head with those who already walk the halls of power. It’s as easy as emptying your savings, starting an exploratory committee, buying millions in television ads, hiring a personal grooming staff and debate coach, leaving your job and heading across the country for a year or two to spread your “average Joe” word. Just ask hard-scrabblers Donald Trump and Jeb Bush.
A large-scale study came out last year from Princeton and Northwestern universities stating unequivocally that U.S. policies are pretty much entirely determined by and favorable to the economic elite — i.e., we’re only dressed up like a democracy.
But a further point needs making. This country was founded by a bunch of rich white men, and it’s done pretty well so far. So why should we change a good thing? It may be that the chattering classes don’t like a bunch of rich dudes from a few families ruling the joint, but that’s only because they’re jealous. Sure, on paper the Founding Fathers were all like “Screw George III,” but they were really just a bunch of posh Englishmen themselves.
Posh Englishmen aren’t all bad. George III may have been a touch crazy, but he also said a thing that doesn’t get much airtime: “… we created the noblest constitution the human mind is capable of framing, where the executive power is in the prince, the legislative in the nobility and the representatives of the people, and the judicial in the people and in some cases the nobility, to whom there lies a final appeal from all other courts of judicature, where every man’s life, liberty, and possessions are secure.”
So, while my friend may think he has a point with his whole “hardy har har” Monty Python comparison, I think it’s time we call this “race” what it is. An election between two established ruling families, particularly one that has spawned two presidents and harkens all the way back to 1950s-era Senator Prescott Bush, is the perfect occasion to make it official. Laugh all you want, but let’s go ahead and admit that this thing is a monarchy. If we start now, we can make the inaugural an official coronation.•
Contact James Heflin at jheflin@valleyadvocate.com.
