Tis I, LL [from previous column “‘Butch’ Lost in Labialand”]. I’m back with another problem. The advice you gave me last time worked out great. Opening the lines of communication between my partner and I really helped. However, my girlfriend and I have run into an issue: either she bruises really easily, or I need to settle down.
There have been multiple instances of hickies in our endeavors together, and most of the time we have difficulty getting rid of them/hiding them without arousing suspicion. She enjoys receiving them and I enjoy giving them, but once the heat of the moment is over …
Do you have any advice pertaining to more effective hickey-hiding, leaving less of a mark, or anything like that? A couple of close friends suggested forgoing neck kissing altogether, but why would anyone want to do that?!
So glad to hear that my advice to talk openly with your babe about being new to Labialand as a high school butchie was helpful! It sounds like y’all are having a great time — with the marks to prove it. But between parents, teachers, and nosey peers, I’m sure not everyone is as excited for you and your necking as I am. As you’ve said above, you’re both enjoying yourselves and love doing the hot ’n’ heavy that leads to the hickies so you’d like to diminish the damage done without stopping the fun. Here are my suggestions on how to do this:
Stop sucking! A hickey is left behind from biting and sucking the skin (usually around the neck) enough that small blood vessels called capillaries break, letting a tiny bit of blood seep out and become visible from under the skin. The harder you bite/suck, the more capillaries will break and the more visible and long-lasting your hickey will be.
Some people get hickies easier than others and it sounds like maybe your GF is one of them. In my high school necking days, I found that nibbling without sucking can offer the same type of sensation to the person getting snacked on without leaving kissing crumbs behind. Try out a softer smooching/nibbling routine without the suction.
Diversify your dalliances. If you just can’t stop the sucking, take your mouth elsewhere to places less visible than her neck but still pleasurable like the back of her neck (especially if she has long hair to hide it), the thighs, or the torso.
If it’s not broken, don’t fix it. Just hide it. If going vampire on your vixen’s neck vessels is really what gets you both howling at the moon, simply get better at concealing your conquests. Dip into a femme friend’s makeup kit to slather on layers of concealer and powders, be happy it’s winter and layer those scarves, or go Drake a la Hotline Bling and bring the sexy-nerd turtleneck sweater back.
Try some hickey home-remedies. Teens have been scrambling to hide their hicksters forever and have devised some creative ways to conquer them at home. The first is to freeze a couple of spoons. Rub the frozen spoon against the hickey which will both calm down swelling and move the blood from the broken capillaries around, dispersing the debaucherous debris.
Another involves “brushing” your hickey with a stiff toothbrush or comb for 5-10 minutes, alternating with applying a cold pack. Careful though because if done too firmly, “combing” could make marks worse!
Extra-stubborn love-stamps could benefit from applying a warm chamomile teabag, which will warm up the blood under the skin, encouraging it to reabsorb into your body faster, diminishing its darkness.
Finally, blame it on the squirrels. It’s probably no surprise that my youth was peppered with some sticky hickey situations. One morning over breakfast my mom, secretly eyeing my fresh babe-bruise asked with a smirk, “Were the biting squirrels out again last night?”•
Yana Tallon-Hicks is a pleasure-positive sex educator and writer living in the Pioneer Valley. She has a website bursting with sex advice, workshops, and resources at yanatallonhicks.com.
