Hey Yana,
I would like to buy either a dildo or vibrator for me but I have no experience on what to buy in terms of brand or what type for my first sex toy. What would you suggest to be the best sex toy to purchase to start with?
— Fretting Over My First Vibrator Dear FOFV,
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: You’ll never find a vibrator that everyone loves. Your vagina, your clitoris and your turn-ons are all as unique as tiny little X-rated snowflakes. So, though I wish I could just give you the name of The One, I can’t; you and your dirty bits are the only ones with the power to do that. But I can send you in the right direction.
First, a sex nerd moment: Though these terms are often used interchangeably, a dildo is intended for penetration only and usually resembles a flesh-and-blood penis or a candy-colored version of something like it. A vibrator is intended primarily for external, clitoral stimulation. What makes this confusing is that sometimes dildos come with little bullet vibrators lodged in the base to add a subtle buzz. More confusing-making is that vibrators come in many shapes, from little metallic bullets to slender plastic wands, as well as insertable silicone shapes that look an awful lot like dildos, indeed.
Dildo or vibrator — it’s up to you which one you want. But what I’m assuming you want and recommending you get is a vibrator that gives you the option to penetrate. This brings us to our first rule of first-time-toys: Variety, variety, variety. Get a vibrator with multiple speeds and, if you can swing it, multiple pulsation patterns so you can experiment with what works for you — fast, slow, pulsing, consistent, with penetration, or without. As we’ve established, one size never fits all when it comes to sex so it’s important to get a toy that lets you customize.
Though bullet-style vibrators are cheap, and oh-so-cute, they tend to be one-speed and if you don’t jive with that single-tempo vibe you just wasted $20. Instead, get a vibrator with a handle and a longer shape that can be inserted if you want to play with penetration. A long handle makes using the toy during partnered sex easier and if the insertable shape of the toy is curved, you’ll be primed for G-spot stimulation, too.
Cheaper vibrators fitting this description, such as the G Slim Satin Touch, are all over the Internet. Be picky where you shop online. I recommend sheboptheshop.com, goodvibes.com and babeland.com.
Get materialistic: ABS plastic, TPR plastic and silicone are all great sex toy materials as they’re non-porous, meaning they can be disinfected with soap-and-water and won’t hold onto dirt and bacteria. Avoid jelly rubber and cyberskin, which are quite the opposite. Porous like a sponge, these toys will trap aspects of whatever they touch no matter how much you clean them.
Vibes by JimmyJane, JeJoue, Lelo & Fun Factory generally range $100-$200 with good reason: They’re high quality, silicone, and have amazing vibration variety. They’re worth the dough if you’re rolling in it. However, you always run the risk of simply disliking a vibrator, so spend wisely — you can’t test-drive sex toys and no one wants to blow their entire wad on a one-night stand.
The Ako by PicoBong costs under $40 and has adjustable, powerful vibration modes. The cheap Easy Glider, $20, can only be slightly adjusted in speed, but it’s strong. The FunFactory Meany is about $50 and is like a junior version of their pricier models.
Whatever catches your vibe, I can’t sign off without saying that it’s technically illegal to sell a vibrator to a minor, which I have a feeling you may be. I think masturbation becomes normal and healthy way before age 18, but them’s the rules. If shopping online, you’ll have to go through the fail-proof test of clicking a button identifying yourself as a minor or not. That’s all I’ll say. Good luck!
Yana Tallon-Hicks is a pleasure-positive writer and educator living in the Pioneer Valley. She has a website bursting with sexual advice, resources, and workshops at yanatallonhicks.com.
